If you’re with a narcissist, you may be dreading the holidays. You may already be familiar with some of the ways they try to ruin any festive or fun plans you’ve tried to make.   Here are some ways to survive the narcissist during the holiday season and make it through to the next year with your sanity intact. Even if you’re in no-contact, it’s important to keep in mind that holidays are a prime season for trying to pull ex-partners back into the web. Therefore, I’ve included a special section on how to arm yourself against the holiday hoover....

Narcissists ruin holidays and make what should be a joyful time of year into a time of tears and anxiety–and sometimes even fear.  The holidays can be a painful time of year for people who are in relationships with narcissists. It can feel as if no matter how your relationship has been going with them before the holidays even start, they can find a way to use this time of year to cause additional pain. By taking advantage of the cultural norms and expectations surrounding holidays or the disruption to normal routines, they can find creative ways to hurt and...

Sometimes something will happen, and then out of the blue, there it is. There’s my story staring me in the face. You know what I’m talking about. Your story. The story that explains why you do what you do. Why your habits are your habits—even your bad ones. Why you tell yourself the things you do to get through the day, even when a part of you knows those things are lies. Why you can’t forgive yourself for some things, even when you’ve forgiven other people for worse. Why no matter where you go, you follow yourself around like a...

Mental health counselor, thirty years. Married since 03...long history of bad relationships and trying to divorce a lying schemer.

I am 67. A "lady". I was with my male life partner 22 years. I am educated, healthy and well traveled. I like to think I am spiritually evolved. I raised 3 successful, respectful, loving daughters.

Is there a test for narcissism?   Yes and no.  As survivors, we seek out narcissistic tests for two reasons. Either we have a desperate need to know whether someone in our life is a narcissist, or we are worried that we are the narcissistic ones–a seed often planted by repeated interactions with a narcissistic person who casts our normal reactions to their outrageous behavior as irrational and our human needs as self-absorbed.  The concept of a narcissistic test feels like a “magic bullet.” Rack up the correct number of points or say “yes” to the right number of items, and our...

What is coercive control? Most survivors of narcissistic abuse have probably not heard the term “coercive control,” but they should definitely become familiar with it.  Coercive control is a form of domestic abuse in which the abuser instills feelings of extreme dread and anxiety through psychological manipulation and environmental control.  The narcissistic abuse dictionary defines it as: “Excessive monitoring and covert or overt dominance over one or more areas of a partner’s life, such as finances, career, friendships, clothing choices, hobbies, or other. It usually begins as concern for the partner and is cloaked or hidden in many seemingly loving...