One of the most difficult things I’ve had to figure out recently is how to set boundaries again after my abusive relationship ended.  It took me a long time to realize how my ex-boyfriend had dismantled the boundaries I did have. He was able to use to his advantage the confusing misconceptions I had adopted about boundaries. What are Personal Boundaries? Boundaries are our standards for what treatment we expect from others and the behavior that we will not tolerate because it violates our human rights. For example, boundaries can include the rights to make independent decisions; to have our...

If you’ve ever gone away on a trip with a narcissist, you’re probably familiar with the ways they can end up spoiling the beautiful plans the two of you made together. But why do narcissists often end up ruining vacations? Maybe the narcissist promised to take you on the trip of a lifetime. Or maybe it was your trip originally and the narcissist invited himself or herself along, spinning a tale about how wonderful it would be for the two of you to spend some time together.  Yet what gets sold as a dream can end up turning into a...

I am 45yrs old and a self employed carpenter.I am passionate about nature and natural history.I believe in the "Golden Rule". and I have tried to live my life by that principle. I Do have my weaknesses. I Will admit to them and I try not to allow them to negatively affect others. I have strong beliefs about morality,equality,and justice.I try to temper these ideals with compassion and understanding. If I believe that an injustice has been committed to myself,to another,to the earth, I am not afraid to stand and fight.I try to choose my battles wisely.I don't know how to fight this battle wisely. The damage that this past "relationship" has left me with has broken me.I don't know how to move forward. I am not the man I used to be. I can't Stand what I have become.Allowing this "force" into my life is the greatest mistake I have ever made. I was a fool.I didn't know manipulation,cruelty,and deciet until I allowed this woman into my life.

How do they do it?  How do narcissists walk away from their romantic relationships not only undamaged from them but with everyone around them either believing they are the “good guys or gals” while we are the ones left traumatized, shell-shocked for months or years by their emotional abuse? They may even go on to torment us for years on end while they can still manage to make other people believe that they were the ones who were victimized.  Narcissists can get away with the things they do because they take advantage of cognitive psychological biases we all have and...

I'm in my twentieth year of this hell and want to tell my story but I've hesitated thinking that no one would ever believe what I've been through . I'm frozen now forever

Relationships with narcissists keep us in a walking sleep-state. They hold us captive, tethered to them by the competing emotions inside of us and the death grip they have on our hearts. And what does every resource tell us about that death grip and how to deal with a narcissist? The narcissist is not going to release it. There are many forces that keep us there that we probably aren’t going to be able to completely understand while we’re actually in it. We have to break it ourselves and go no contact. But what if you can’t?  I’ve written a...

What many people often fail to understand about leaving an abusive relationship is that it isn’t the end of the pain. It’s only the beginning of a new kind of pain, as recovery begins and we start to fully recognize everything we’ve lost. We also begin to understand what we’ve gained. Gaining something, however, can be painful too at first because it means something has changed and that we can never go back to the way things once were. There is a saying about change, that there are two types:  change that you initiate yourself and change that is imposed upon you.  Abusive...