Relationships with narcissists keep us in a walking sleep-state. They hold us captive, tethered to them by the competing emotions inside of us and the death grip they have on our hearts. And what does every resource tell us about that death grip and how to deal with a narcissist? The narcissist is not going to release it. There are many forces that keep us there that we probably aren’t going to be able to completely understand while we’re actually in it. We have to break it ourselves and go no contact. But what if you can’t?  I’ve written a...

What many people often fail to understand about leaving an abusive relationship is that it isn’t the end of the pain. It’s only the beginning of a new kind of pain, as recovery begins and we start to fully recognize everything we’ve lost. We also begin to understand what we’ve gained. Gaining something, however, can be painful too at first because it means something has changed and that we can never go back to the way things once were. There is a saying about change, that there are two types:  change that you initiate yourself and change that is imposed upon you.  Abusive...

Narcissists don’t break up with you. They give indefinite silent treatments because it gives them control. Sometimes they put us in a deep freeze. It is not unheard of for narcissists to reappear after years or decades declaring undying love. They may perhaps engineer a reverse breakup and incite us to leave. Yet it’s never really about breaking up, but a period of separation. They are disengagements that allow narcissists to do certain things in our absence.  It is impossible to ever say for certain that a narcissist will never hoover. This is because hoovering is just what it sounds like....

We can’t leave a narcissist and begin our journey toward narcissistic abuse recovery until we go through five stages.  These stages embody the necessary psychological steps that will give us back our lives. I’ve written before about eleven things that can happen before a partner goes no-contact. These are things I experienced in response to what I was enduring in my past relationship. They included things such as epiphanies I had, unusual behaviors I exhibited, and inexplicable emotions I felt. I wrote this not long after I went no-contact as I thought back on the relationship and the psychological turmoil...

I recently saw a quote in which someone was lamenting the fact that there were more articles describing narcissism and narcissistic abuse than how to heal core wounds as a result of the abuse. I thought it was a strange distinction to make. When survivors of narcissistic abuse read articles about narcissism and narcissistic abuse, that is a form of healing.  In addition, although the quote acknowledged that there are differences in the types of information that is needed to heal, it appeared to elevate healing core wounds over learning about the narcissistic relationship without acknowledging that they are two different but equally...

This is how narcissists play mind games. They call it “morally equivalent,” the things they incite in the dramatic production they’re scripting off-stage while we wander through the storybook they dropped us into, wondering how things veered so sharply off-course.  Or worse, the imaginary things, the shadows they project onto us of their own behavior. The cheating. The lying. The stalking. The abusive and predatory actions. The contradictions. The controlling manipulations. The jealous attitude. They manufacture emotions that look and feel like monstrosities in our own repertoire, then call us monsters for reflecting back to them what they wanted to...

Ex English teacher and journalist now business owner . I am educated to masters level and well travelled .