Category: Narcissist Abuse Recovery

Healing from narcissistic abuse is a process and there are many stages on the way to recovery.  To leave a narcissist, it takes having some realizations about who your partner is and what is happening in your relationship. The journey toward healing then takes having additional realizations that you just can’t have while you’re still under the influence of a pathological partner.  There are things that can hold us back from having these realizations we need to heal. Below are seven things we should try not to do so we don’t get stuck on the way to a full recovery. ...

Trauma doesn’t go away as if it never happened; it is something you absorb until one day you aren’t thinking about it in emotional terms anymore, until whatever caused it is just something that happened to you. Once upon a time, I thought the emotional hell of breaking up and going no-contact with a narcissist would scald me alive.  Then the intensity faded to a slow burn and now the entire relationship feels almost like a fever dream.   Was that actually me back there? Yes… and no. Oh, if he could see me now. Too bad for him — he never...

There is no shortage of resources available online for narcissistic abuse survivors.  Our stories are the most powerful contributions to the resources available, as they validate that we are not alone. Beyond the personal stories and blogs, however, there are thousands of other resources across the Internet about narcissists and narcissistic abuse.  It can feel rare when something unique comes along that brings a new idea or perspective to the table. From my perspective, the more new ideas and perspectives we are exposed to, the more that may help us leave our relationships and heal from them when the outside...

Sometimes something will happen, and then out of the blue, there it is. There’s my story staring me in the face. You know what I’m talking about. Your story. The story that explains why you do what you do. Why your habits are your habits—even your bad ones. Why you tell yourself the things you do to get through the day, even when a part of you knows those things are lies. Why you can’t forgive yourself for some things, even when you’ve forgiven other people for worse. Why no matter where you go, you follow yourself around like a...

At some point in the aftermath of what we’ve been through, we confront the idea of finding someone new after the narcissist who was in our lives.  I’ve had many people, both readers and people in my personal life ask me questions about my own dating life: when I planned to… if I’m doing it… how it’s going…  Yet dating after abuse isn’t something to be taken lightly. Experiences with narcissists have made us both targets and they have made us fearful. Walking this line can put us in the crosshairs for many new pitfalls and perils, and also subject...

One of the most difficult things I’ve had to figure out recently is how to set boundaries again after my abusive relationship ended.  It took me a long time to realize how my ex-boyfriend had dismantled the boundaries I did have. He was able to use to his advantage the confusing misconceptions I had adopted about boundaries. What are Personal Boundaries? Boundaries are our standards for what treatment we expect from others and the behavior that we will not tolerate because it violates our human rights. For example, boundaries can include the rights to make independent decisions; to have our...

What many people often fail to understand about leaving an abusive relationship is that it isn’t the end of the pain. It’s only the beginning of a new kind of pain, as recovery begins and we start to fully recognize everything we’ve lost. We also begin to understand what we’ve gained. Gaining something, however, can be painful too at first because it means something has changed and that we can never go back to the way things once were. There is a saying about change, that there are two types:  change that you initiate yourself and change that is imposed upon you.  Abusive...