Category: Narcissist Abuse Recovery

Sometimes something will happen, and then out of the blue, there it is. There’s my story staring me in the face. You know what I’m talking about. Your story. The story that explains why you do what you do. Why your habits are your habits—even your bad ones. Why you tell yourself the things you do to get through the day, even when a part of you knows those things are lies. Why you can’t forgive yourself for some things, even when you’ve forgiven other people for worse. Why no matter where you go, you follow yourself around like a...

At some point in the aftermath of what we’ve been through, we confront the idea of finding someone new after the narcissist who was in our lives.  I’ve had many people, both readers and people in my personal life ask me questions about my own dating life: when I planned to… if I’m doing it… how it’s going…  Yet dating after abuse isn’t something to be taken lightly. Experiences with narcissists have made us both targets and they have made us fearful. Walking this line can put us in the crosshairs for many new pitfalls and perils, and also subject...

One of the most difficult things I’ve had to figure out recently is how to set boundaries again after my abusive relationship ended.  It took me a long time to realize how my ex-boyfriend had dismantled the boundaries I did have. He was able to use to his advantage the confusing misconceptions I had adopted about boundaries. What are Personal Boundaries? Boundaries are our standards for what treatment we expect from others and the behavior that we will not tolerate because it violates our human rights. For example, boundaries can include the rights to make independent decisions; to have our...

What many people often fail to understand about leaving an abusive relationship is that it isn’t the end of the pain. It’s only the beginning of a new kind of pain, as recovery begins and we start to fully recognize everything we’ve lost. We also begin to understand what we’ve gained. Gaining something, however, can be painful too at first because it means something has changed and that we can never go back to the way things once were. There is a saying about change, that there are two types:  change that you initiate yourself and change that is imposed upon you.  Abusive...

It can be difficult to find trauma therapy for narcissistic abuse. Believe me—I know from first-hand experience. That’s why I’m so excited to be able to write this post and say that I have found a potential immediate low-cost option for victims of narcissistic abuse. Here’s why I’m so excited! If you have had any of the following issues while trying to find a narcissistic abuse recovery therapist (I know I have), this option may be for you: You can’t find a trauma therapist. You found a trauma therapist, but he or she isn’t taking new clients or the waiting...

Once you have gone no-contact, no matter how much you wanted to do it, it may still feel like you have ripped out a part of your own body and you can do nothing but wait for the bleeding to dry up.  There are ways of moving on after going no contact with a narcissist, however, even the thought of doing so can leave you inexplicably frozen in either turmoil or indecision. For me, what was even harder than moving on was feeling like the narcissist had left a part of himself with me. I could see him everywhere I...

When we talk about narcissistic abuse, we’re talking about something that happened to our minds, something that people can’t see. I’ve found that sometimes, by using metaphors and ideas from popular culture, it’s easier to explain to people who have not experienced a relationship with like this one what the relationship was like or why it hurt so much. Even then, however, I have still found myself asking the question, should  I tell people I was abused by a narcissist? As a general rule, the answer I’ve come up with is “no,” but the reasons are many.  There are times, however,...