Living Through and Recovering From a Relationship with a Narcissist

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The mission of Fairy Tale Shadows is threefold:

  • Support and validate survivors. There is no judgment here, regardless of whether you have left your partner or not or where you are in your recovery.  I am completely empathetic with how these relationships operate. There are many psychological reasons why we are where we are at various times. No one should be able to tell us in what stage we should be because we can only pass through the stages on our own timetable–although it does help to be able to talk to people who have been through the experience who know exactly what you’re going through and can try to help pull you through it. 
  • Introduce new models of support for survivors. This primarily means working with others who have already started this work to develop easily-understandable definitions of narcissistic abuse and other resources, and then distribute them to communities that support abuse survivors. The goal is that survivors can receive more general support from the mental health community and, ideally, the legal system. I know–this is a lofty goal. We have to start somewhere.
  • Promote general awareness of narcissistic abuse. I also hope to use understandable definitions and everyday plain language to help generate more mainstream awareness of narcissistic abuse. We need an elevator speech that we can use to describe what it is in about fifteen seconds so that people will come away with an understanding of what it means. We need to be talking more about it in mass media. Well, someone does. Important people. Maybe the people with smaller voices can get bigger voices to start talking about it. We need a movement!


How I am trying to accomplish the mission:

  • Being open and honest about my own recovery.  That was where it all started.  I’m still doing it because it’s an ongoing process. 
  • Research. My background is not in mental health, it’s as a researcher in the social sciences. I studied domestic violence only peripherally. I studied sexual violence and sexual assault, and, more generally crime theory and gender. I will never represent myself as an expert in psychology or in personality disorders; I can only promise to apply a disciplined approach to researching any of these things or something new.  
  • Development of new resources. I have ideas and I intend to harness the creative power of others, including friends, to help me implement them. I want the resources to be accessible and easy to understand and to create them for a variety of audiences and in a variety of formats.
  • Outreach.  I hope to connect in the near future with others who have already and are doing their own important work on narcissistic abuse or related topics. There are so many outstanding people to learn from.
  • Amplifying your voices. This isn’t just about me. In as many ways as I can find over time to give a voice or platform to others who may not have one, I will. I recognize my privilege by even having the ability to have this website.


My website values:

  • Knowledge: Educating ourselves! Read as many websites, books, and articles and get as many perspectives as you can. You’ll find the voices that speak to you during your recovery and that is crucial.
  • Non-Judgment: As I said previously, this is a place where there will be no judgment based on what anyone has been through or where anyone is in their journey.
  • Respect: Everyone’s story is valid.
  • Community: We are not alone and we don’t have to be silent. 
  • Empowerment: There is no shame in being a survivor. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that. Also, this is not the only thing that defines us. This is our story, and we will tell it how we want to and talk about it when we want to.   


A Note About Ads

Let’s just put it out there. I don’t like advertisements either. When I first started this website, I didn’t intend for this to be anything but a place for me to write about what I went through, but it’s quickly become so much more and I want to continue to make it the best it can be. I didn’t realize there was so much involved with maintaining a website and I don’t have the knowledge or background to do everything it takes by myself and ensure that it stays high-quality and functional as the readership grows.

Making the decision to work with an advertising management company was one that I made so that I can keep building and creating a high-quality resource for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here is a sampling of some of the things the advertising revenue has paid for to date:

  • website design;
  • dedicated email and mailing list registration, which ensures that you can get the posts you sign up to receive; 
  • services or software enhancements that enable me to create and edit video and to design and make graphics, charts, and tables;
  • self-hosting, dedicated server space, and various maintenance to enhance site speed and ensure website security;
  • access fees and other types of service, licensing, or purchase fees associated with accessing research materials or other copyrighted information.

These things enhance my ability to develop new research ideas and design creative resources without having to worry about cost barriers and provide them for free.

This website is also a proud supporter of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and donations are provided locally (District of Columbia) or nationally. Your visits to the website help support these organizations. 

Thank you for your support! If you have thoughts or ideas about ways to enhance the website further, please contact me.