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Resources for Narcissist Abuse Survivors: Books, Support Groups, Therapy and Self-Care

We are living in unprecedented times and resources for abuse survivors are more important than ever. 

Social distancing and stay-at-home orders are putting those of us who have experienced or are currently experiencing abuse at home at increased risk of further violence, danger, isolation, and mental health symptoms.  

Below you’ll find the following types of resources: 

  1. Domestic Abuse Resources and Organizations
  2. Other Crisis Websites and Hotlines
  3. Books on Narcissism – Find out how you can read or listen for free below!
  4. Free or Reduced-Fee Tele-Therapy or Online Support Groups
  5. General Online Mental Health Tools, Information & Resources
  6. Online Meditation & Mindfulness Resources
  7. Online Yoga and Fitness Resources
  8. Social Support and Tools for Connecting with Others
  9. Self-Care Resources

We will get through this. One day, one hour, one minute at a time. 

NOTE:  The information below was current as of June 2020.

If you would like to stay updated with articles and resources from this website, please join the community by subscribing here.


 

Domestic Abuse Resources and Organizations

U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline
For any victims and survivors who need support, call 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-799-7233 for TTY, or if you’re unable to speak safely, you can log onto thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 22522.

U.K. National Domestic Violence Hotline – 0808 2000 247

Canada – Go to this website to find resources within your province: https://www.sheltersafe.ca/

Australia Domestic Violence Hotline – 1800 737 732 – https://www.1800respect.org.au/ (live chat 24/7)

South Africa Stop Gender Violence Helpline – 0800-150-150

Other Crisis Websites & Hotlines

U.S. Crisis Text Number:  #741741

Canada Crisis Text Number: #686868 

Disaster Distress Hotline offered by SAMSHA – Call 1-800-985-5990 or text TalkWithUs to 66746.The Disaster Distress Helpline (DDH) provides crisis counseling and support for anyone in the U.S. experiencing distress or other behavioral health concerns related to any natural or human-caused disaster, including public health emergencies.

The Trevor ProjectCall 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678. A national 24-hour, toll free confidential suicide hotline for LGBTQ youth.

Trans Lifeline – Dial 877-565-8860 for US and 877-330-6366 for Canada. Trans Lifeline’s Hotline is a peer support service run by trans people, for trans and questioning callers.

The National Sexual Assault Telephone HotlineCall 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

Books on Narcissism

There are two options for choosing one or more of the books below for free, and you can use either or both of them. 

Many of these books below are available on Amazon’s Kindle Unlimited. As a subscriber, you pay nothing extra to download them from Amazon and keep them to read as long as you wish.  You can try out Kindle Unlimited free for 30 days here:

The second alternative is to listen to your books.  You can try out Audible free for 30 days and download two free audiobooks to keep here:    

Audible banner

Psychopath Free

One of the first books I read on the topic (and then read again many times), the author has a way of breaking down exactly what happens in a relationship with a narcissist in easy-to-understand terms.  I was highlighting almost every sentence, and some of the passages resonated and described my experience so well and with such grace, I would find myself with tears running down my face at times.  He also does a great job explaining what the healing process looks like as well.

Power:  Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

This author also wrote Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare.  She is a particularly good writer and her descriptions were empowering and inspiring in ways that touched me deeply.  In addition, because each chapter is a self-contained essay, it was easy for me to show one to someone else if I wanted them to grasp a particular concept without having to ask them to invest their time in reading an entire book.

 

 

When Love Is A Lie

This is a combination of the author’s personal story and a description of how narcissists abuse.  The author has a unique way of going back and forth between the two that doesn’t feel awkward and has some interesting insights about narcissistic abuse that I didn’t read anywhere else.  Paired with her own story, it helped give me strength during a personal time of weakness.

Women Who Love Psychopaths

This book helped me to understand my own reactions by contrasting them to how conscienceless people behave.  It helped provide me with an understanding of what was so appealing to me about my ex-boyfriend’s behavior, why it was so hard for me to leave, and what was causing so many of the emotions that I had both while in the relationship and afterward.

Confessions of a Sociopath

This is an anonymous memoir by a diagnosed sociopath.  I understand intellectually that sociopaths lack empathy and remorse, but by reading a life story told from the point of view of a sociopath, I wanted to understand how they actually rationalize what they do.  How does someone without a conscience actually think?

Malignant Self-Love

This is an extremely in-depth examination of narcissism and what makes narcissists think and act how they do. The author is a self-aware narcissist. He uses descriptions and categories that help illuminate narcissistic behavior in ways that aren’t found in other texts and I found it highly helpful in understanding what had happened to me.

The Sociopath Next Door

This book has come along a little later in my healing journey, but it’s one I find myself turning to again and again. I have found myself wanting answers to the questions that didn’t make any sense.  This book helped answer them in a very relatable way.  I underlined so many passages in this book, as it gave me insight into what it is about Cluster B Personality Disordered individuals that allows them to do the things they do.

Why?

H.G. Tudor is another self-aware narcissist.  He has written several books that go into specifics about various aspects of narcissism, but this one is mostly written in question-and-answer format and goes into a variety of different topics, answering some of the most burning questions we have about why narcissists do what they do.  Although the information can be very harsh to read at times because it is coming directly from a narcissist, it was exactly what I needed to hear at times in order to put my questions to rest. It has a very conversational style that is very easy to understand.

Without Conscience

Robert Hare, the author of this book, is considered one of the experts on psychopaths. Although this book is written based on interviews he conducted in prison and is several years old, it is written so well I found it difficult to put down.  It provides a good look at the characteristics of psychopaths and how they exhibit themselves in the men and women he interviewed, using detailed examples. I specifically found all of the information on how they use language, lying, and contradictory statements to be very interesting in forming a picture of how narcissists think.

Exorcism: Purging the Narcissist from Heart and Soul

Another book by Tudor, this one was particularly helpful with the process of “emotional” no-contact.  After going physically no-contact, there was still the feeling that my ex was with me and it was hard to escape the desire to want him in my life again.  In this book, the author explains where that feeling comes from and how to destroy it.  Reading this book was one of the things that actually worked for me.  Tudor also has many more books about the process of breaking up with a narcissist and going no-contact, including the following:  Getting Out: How to Prepare to Leave the NarcissistNo Contact, and Escape: How to Beat the Narcissist.

 

How to Do No Contact Like a Boss

No-contact was and is one of the hardest parts of being in a relationship with a toxic person for me. It was as if every single emotion I went through about it and every single thought I had was discussed in this book. In addition to just making me feel a little less alone, however, it also provides real advice on what no-contact looks like and how to plan for it.

Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare

This is the Bible of healing from narcissistic abuse.  While the beginning is a primer on what narcissistic abuse looks like, eighty percent of the book is filled with information and tips on how to heal.  It really just doesn’t get any more practical than this in terms of self-care.  The author really breaks it down, incorporating a little bit of everything from different therapeutic approaches to tips for dealing with some of the more difficult parts of recovery to links to online worksheets, meditations, YouTube videos, and other free resources.

Healing From Hidden Abuse

I read this book in one sitting and then read it through several times again. It was one of the first books to try to explain what narcissistic abuse feels like and why it’s so hard to describe, and then explain what the path to recovery feels like.  It’s from a more clinical perspective, but written with a very heart-warming easy-to-read tone, and includes hundreds of quotes from surveys that the author did from those who had been in narcissistically abusive relationships.

 

How to Kill a Narcissist

This book provides a unique angle on narcissism that doesn’t cover all of the typical information covered in some of the other books on narcissistic abuse. This reframing of the events in your relationship, however, may give you some new ways to think about yourself and what has happened in order to help you move forward from the relationship.  The book’s chapters provide some very specific thought exercises and actions for you to take.

 

Start Here

This is a relatively new book that was written for both people who are in relationships with narcissists and for those who are supporting them and feel very overwhelmed both by what they are going through and by the information they may be learning or how to extricate themselves from the relationship.  It starts with the basics and defines terms that you may have read about, but puts all of the information all in one place.

 

A Beautiful, Terrible Thing

In alternating Before and After chapters, Waite obsessively analyzes her relationship, trying to find a single moment form the past five years that isn’t part of the long con of lies and manipulation. Instead, she finds more lies, infidelity, and betrayal than she could have imagined. With the pacing and twists of a psychological thriller, A Beautiful, Terrible Thing looks at how a fairy tale can become a nightmare and what happens when “it could never happen to me” actually does.

 

The Bigamist

In April 2006, Mary Turner Thomson received a call that blew her life apart. The woman on the other end of the line told her that Will Jordan, Mary’s husband and the father of her two younger children, had been married to her for fourteen years and they had five children together. The Bigamist is the shocking true story of how one man manipulated an intelligent, independent woman, conning her out of £200,000 and leaving her to bring up the children he claimed he could never have. It’s a story we all think could never happen to us, but this shameless con man has been doing the same thing to various other women for at least 27 years, spinning a tangled web of lies and deceit to cover his tracks.

Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle

Tina Swithin was swept off her feet by a modern day Prince Charming and married him one year later. Tina soon discovered that there was something seriously wrong with her fairytale. The marriage was filled with lies, deception, fraud and many tears. Tina was left in an utter state of confusion. This wasn’t the man that she married…or was it?  Tina first heard the term, Narcissistic Personality Disorder from her therapist in 2008 but quickly dismissed the notion that something could be wrong with her husband. It took several years for Tina to begin researching the disorder and suddenly, the past ten years of her life made complete sense. Tina soon discovered that there is only one thing more difficult than being married to a narcissist and that is divorcing a narcissist.

I Am Free

This collection of stories and poems will empower readers dealing with the aftermath of a toxic relationship and serve as a wakeup call to those who are in—or think they may be in—an abusive relationship with a narcissist or sociopath.  I Am Free validates and inspires the victims of toxic relationships with the experiences of people from all walks of life—featuring both women and men who have found the courage to survive abusive relationships either as adults or as children raised by narcissists and sociopaths. These vignettes are heavy, raw, and painful, but the ultimate message is one of hope—that it is possible to gain happiness and freedom after narcissistic abuse.

The Secret Life of Captain X

Her marriage to successful airline pilot Captain X seemed like a dream come true. In reality, it was a nightmare.  From the second they met, Captain X swept MrsXNomore off her feet, constantly showering her with gifts, flattery and attention. Early on she underwent the physical and emotional stress of infertility and adoption with little help from her husband. Things were not adding up. His erratic work schedule, their few friends, distant family, and his evasiveness about finances left MrsXNomore in a constant state of confusion. Insisting on reviewing family finances, disbelief set in. Captain X had plunged them into serious debt, often using her name, ruining her credit. Shocked, she constantly searched for answers and found them in Captain X’s computer. She discovered he was member of a secret brotherhood involving prostitution, locally and internationally during their entire marriage.

Web of Lies

Web of Lies takes you on an emotional roller-coaster, experienced through the eyes of Sarah Tate, an intelligent, young newcomer to Switzerland who is swept off her feet by an older, more experienced company manager. Within weeks of their meeting, Bill impresses her with a courtship vastly unusual in modern times. He lures Sarah with his intellect along with numerous gifts, expensive restaurants, and trips to luxury hotels. Sarah, who is searching for not only love but security, quickly finds herself falling for the worldly but sensitive and caring man Bill represents himself to be. In Web of Lies, she describes the highs and the lows of what it is like to be involved with a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, how to come to terms with the abuse, and most importantly, how to escape.

 

The Betrayal Bond

This book has the clearest and most thorough description of trauma bonds I have ever read. It also puts them in the context of other types of responses to trauma as well.  Almost every chapter contains some sort of exercise to help the reader move past trauma bonds by linking them to other areas of life one may not have thought of.

 

Boundaries After a Pathological Relationship

After I got out of the relationship, I felt vulnerable and unable to trust my own judgment. I wanted to just withdraw from everyone until I could figure out how to keep myself from getting hurt again. This book describes how narcissists erode our boundaries, whether we had strong ones in place before or not, and helped me to get them back so I felt safer and as if I could protect myself from becoming a victim of that type of abusive situation again.

Braving the Wilderness

I found this book to be very helpful in bringing me back to myself, likely due to the identity erosion effect that narcissistic abuse has on us. Narcissistic abuse also has an alienating effect. The book tackles feelings of self-empowerment and the idea of “belonging to oneself,” which felt important to me after feeling so lost and confused.

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

One of the things I learned recently is that people, both children and adults, who survive abuse often have a type of PTSD called Complex PTSD.  It occurs because the trauma is sustained over a long period of time and almost becomes a way of life, unlike PTSD, which occurs due to one event or a focused, specific period of time, such as a car accident or tour of duty. This book helped me to understand exactly what Complex PTSD is and how it can be managed.

How to Spot a Dangerous Man

This book describes eight different types of men that are likely to cause either emotional or physical harm in a relationship. It contains red flags, but also reasoning why each is harmful. I found some of it challenging to read, because I had to examine my own assumptions, however, this is an indication that there is something about myself that I need to take a deeper look at and this is another reason why I believe this book is useful. There is also an accompanying workbook that helps a reader find out what past relationship patterns are to avoid them in the future.

In Sheep’s Clothing

This book’s focus is broader than narcissists. It’s about all of the various ways that any manipulative person uses to get others to do the things they want them to do and how to keep from being manipulated.  Yet it really opened my eyes to the actual dynamics by describing how they think about you based on how you act, and how I can do my part to reduce the chances of being manipulated.

Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations

This is an excellent book that describes from an academic perspective not only why narcissists do what they do, but also includes information on borderline personality disorder as well– another Cluster B Personality Disorder, if you have been looking for information on that.

When Evil is a Pretty Face

I have not read this book, however, I wanted to make its availability known if you are looking for a book specifically about female narcissists because there are so few out there. Zari Ballard has written many other books about narcissistic abuse, and, in fact, I have another of her books on this list.

Free or Reduced-Fee Tele-Therapy or Online Support Groups

REDUCED FEE Virtual Teletherapy by Inclusive Therapists https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/reduced-fee-virtual-teletherapy

REDUCED RATE Mental Healthcare for individuals, couples, children, and families in need through Open Path Psychotherapy Collective  

REDUCED RATE Talkspace Digital Therapy (enter the code 1004U for $100 off all plans) 

FREE online text chat with a trained listener for emotional support and counseling. Also offers fee- for-service online therapy with a licensed mental health professional. Also offered in Spanish. Offered through 7 Cups.

FREE  Online weekly meetings available in more than 30 countries with 600 active groups worldwide. Offered by Emotional Anonymous (a nonprofessional resource that can be a complement to therapy)

FREE or LOW COST virtual support groups on numerous mental health conditions. Website also offered in Spanish. Offered by Support Group Central

FREE online peer support groups offering members facing mental health challenges and/or difficult family dynamics a safe place to connect. Offered by TheTribe Wellness Community 

FREE online support groups. Offered by Supportgroups.com

FREE Online mental health support  that allows for individuals to connect with others who are living with or supporting someone with mental health conditions, substance use disorders, and stressful life events. Offered by For Like Minds.

FREE Online Support Groups. Offered by Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA)

FREE peer-to-peer online support for those struggling with a wide range of mental health issues. Offered by 18 Percent. 

SLIDING SCALE AVAILABLE Virtual Counseling and Therapy offered by Onyx Therapy Group

FREE Virtual Peer Counseling for those in need of trauma-informed support during this crisis and experiencing emotional or psychiatric distress. Please email alexcp18@protonmail.com. Offered by Alex Cohen Price, LSM, LMSW

FREE 60-minute counseling/coaching session to anybody working on the front lines of the pandemic response in: Disaster relief, National/community organization, Critical healthcare, Epidemiology and Mental health services offered by Leadership Art Academy

Virtual Therapy Services for Deaf and Hard of Hearing Individuals offered by National Deaf Therapy

Mental Health Support online meetings for those in Addiction Recovery 

SLIDING SCALE/LOW COST Virtual Eating Disorder Recovery Resources and Community Support. Email freedom@rockrecoveryed.org and a therapist will reach out. Offered by Rock Recovery

General Online Mental Health Tools, Information & Resources

Taking Back Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse Toolkit eBook

How to Survive the Narcissist Apocalypse (podcast). Read an interview with the founder Narcissist Apocalypse podcast then head on over to his website to listen.

How to Stop an Emotional Flashback ebook 

Narcissist Abuse Supportwebsite with links to resources in all fifty states and over a thousand free resources

FREE Self Care Resources offered by the Calm App 

Hay House free courses and books on self-care

Self Healing Resources offered by the I am Pheonix Project

 “What Do You Need?” A Needs Assessment & Resource Information Storage Tool offered by SisterCARE Alliance

Therapist Backed Resources offered by Talkspace

FREE online mental health resources offered by Psych Central

FREE/LOW COST Mental Health App List offered by Latinx Therapy

Mental health and wellness during a public health crisis from Dr. LaGenia Bailey, former DBSA board member

People with Disabilities, Medical Conditions & Older Adults from the Southeast ADA Center compiled resources specific for individuals with disabilities

Online Meditation & Mindfulness Resources

FREE online guided meditation offered by the Meditation Museum

FREE Mindfulness Resources for students offered by Koru 

FREE SPANISH LANGUAGE RESOURCE/ RECURSO EN ESPANOL Guided Meditations en Espanol offered by Mindful Eating Mexico

Insight Meditation Community of Washington  – Online live meditation offered several times a day seven days a week

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) 8-week course

Online Yoga and Fitness Resources

SLIDING SCALE Online Yoga Classes and Workshops offered by YogAlle.*

Virtual Yoga Classes by Big Yoga Life

FREE online Yoga Videos offered by Do Yoga with Me

Online Yoga Classes Offered by Radical Body Love

Down Dog App

REDUCED RATE Virtual Yoga Classes offered by Yoga NoMa, UnBound.*

FREE Live Webinar Series on Decolonizing Yoga & Wellness (3/23-3/27) offered by Embody Inclusivity 

FREE Pre Recorded Yoga Videos (if you enter the promocode ONLINE) offered by YogaWorks

FREE Yoga, Pilates, and Meditation Classes through May 30 offered by Joyn

Fitness Videos and Personal Training Programs offered by Real Big Publishing

FREE MONTH of Virtual Studio Classes offered by Katheryn-Bruni Young (use code PANDEMIC)

LOW-COST Online Barre Classes offered by UnMeasured

Dance for Every Body

DC Fitness centers streaming workout classes by the Washingtontian

FREE On demand fitness videos offered by YMCA360

Inclusive Fitness Education, Apparel and One on One Training offered by Decolonizing Fitness

FREE package of 3 virtual 30 minute personal training sessions offered by Training with Cassie

REDUCED RATES Virtual At-Home (DIY) Workouts (50% OFF) and Fitness Programs offered by Body Positive Bootcamp

PAY WHAT YOU CAN Online Live Streaming Dance Classes offered by Dance Life

PAY WHAT YOU CAN Online Live Streaming Zumba CLasses offered by FitZone Plus

PAY WHAT YOU CAN Online dance aerobics classes offered by Fat Kid Dance Party

PAY WHAT YOU CAN online dance classes offered by Joe’s Movement Emporium

Financial Support

NeedyMeds.org
NeedyMeds is a 501(c)(3) national non-profit that connects people to programs that will help them afford their medications and other healthcare costs.

Dial 2-1-1
If you need assistance finding food, paying for housing bills, accessing free childcare, or other essential services, visit 211.org or dial 211 to speak to someone who can help. Run by the United Way.

Social Support and Tools for Connecting with Others

Fairy Tale Shadows Facebook Group

Social Support: Getting And Staying Connected

MHA’s Inspire Community
An online community where people can connect with others. MHA hosts a dedicated mental health community, but there are communities related to a variety of topics. 

Lyf App
Lyf is a social media app where users share highly personal aspects of themselves without the fear of judgment. It’s the one app where you can be yourself or write anonymously and people won’t degrade or bring you down.

Warmlines
Unlike a hotline for those in immediate crisis, warmlines provide early intervention with emotional support that can prevent a crisis. The lines are typically free, confidential peer-support services staffed by those who have experienced mental health conditions themselves. Find a warmline in your area at warmline.org.

#JustCheckingIn
IDONTMIND started a campaign to connect people who are practicing social distancing and encourage others to join in using the hashtag #JustCheckingIn on Instagram.

Bridge Club
Bridge Club is a community-led peer support group for women and gender non-conforming folks who are sober or interested in sobriety. A virtual Bridge Club is available and free to join.

Online/Phone Meeting Resources for Substance Use Disorder
The Washington Area Intergroup Association has a list of online/phone meetings for individuals who are struggling with substance use and are unable to attend support group meetings at this time.

12steps.org
This is a calendar of online meetings at various different recovery-related websites.

Self-Care Resources

Manage your distress with one of the free online resources below.

Philharmonic Digital Concert Hall-Access over 600 Orchestral concerts streaming for free 

Online Virtual Museum and Library Collections – Visit hundreds of museums and libraries around the world, including the Louvre, the Library of Congress, and the Smithsonian

Aquariums and Zoos to visit online

Daily Sing-along

Duolingo – Download the app and learn a language (or two) for free by using games and collecting coins 

FREE Yale online class on “The Science of Happiness”

Teach Yourself Music and Make Your Own Songs

Coloring Books to Print

Take a Drawing Class Online – First Month Free with Promocode:  Corona2020

Easy Sewing Crafts

Visit a National Park online – Go to the Grand Canyon, the Everglades, Yellowstone or even the Virgin Islands  

 

Kristen Milstead

Kristen Milstead is a narcissistic abuse survivor who has become a strong advocate for finding your unique voice and using it to help others find theirs.

13 Comments

  1. Dear Kristen! I do not speak English well. I am a hungarian woman. I’m empathetic. I feel very bad. I feel like I’m dying in pain. My father mat died. He was an emotionless psychopath. My mother is a real manipulator, an emotional abuser. Shee has a narcissistic personality disorder. Shee used it, he took everything, all my money, my car, my house. I’ve been holding it since she was 45, for over twenty years. I have been supporting she and my brother since I was 23 years old. I live in a house with them. I have nothing, I gave them everything. My brother is also a psychopath without empathy. I’m 45 years old. So far, I’ve loved two men. He was the first psychopath. exploited, took my money, physically abused, and mentally and emotionally as well. 3 weeks into the baby lombik program and he left before the wedding. He lived with us, gave him love, a home, paid off his previously taken bank loans, and made him two university degrees. Beaten, abandoned. He lied to the new woman, I beat him, I voluntarily took his loans, I bought him for myself. Lie started a campaign against me. The second man had a narcissistic personality disorder. Manipulated, emotionally abused. Manipulated, emotionally abused. He took my sexuality away from me. I had sex once in 4 months. He stopped sex. I think he was impotent. He took advantage and then threw it away. He lied to his mother about me, he started a lie campaign. I am a very kind, helpful empathetic who is very eager for love. It was not I who diagnosed them, but psychologists, psychiatrists. My life has collapsed. I feel like I can’t live anymore. It hurts terribly. How can there be so many toxic people in my life? I’m trapped.

    1. Hi Brigitta, I am so sorry to hear of all you’ve been through. None of this is your fault. I hope you are able to find some peace and emotional safety, and build your strength to the capacity to where you can choose how or even if you allow your family members into your life. Stay strong. -Kristen

    2. Thy name is my healing, O my God, and remembrance of Thee is my remedy. Nearness to Thee is my hope, and love for Thee is my companion. Thy mercy to me is my healing and my succor in both this world and the world to come. Thou, verily, art the All-Bountiful, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise.

  2. I was married to a sociopath with disturbing secret lives. He was non confrontational gentle spirited, outgoing , never jealous, withheld sex, and generous. Of course charming and charismatic. He abused my small son, used and abused alcohol/Rx drugs he prescribed himself, had mistresses, and had gambling My bookshelf gradually was filled by most of these books during our separation and divorce. 11 years later, I felt extremely knowledgeable about sociopaths. During the 11 years I dated a man who I believed was opposite of my ex, he was not outgoing, jealous, confronted problems, never drank or used drugs, intensely sexual, and no showy in fact very frugal to point of being cheap. I married him. It lasted 4 months bc when we lived together after the marriage the first time he was verbally abusive, needed praise all the time, withheld money, expected sex constantly. I was on eggshells and eventually flu like all day. Unlike first marriage the terrorizing life was not secret, it was in the open everyday. We went to a therapist..once…he called next day and told me he was a narcissist. How exactly could I be so informed and repeat the mistake a decade later? I purchased the books you recommended including the new ones not published for my first rodeo with psychopathy. One percent of the population and I chose two? I was warned in the books that we repeat. I took the time to heal and was very well versed. My much older brother started this cycle. I will confirm that these books are all brilliant. I found fairy tale shadows right after my new husband was diagnosed. I was thinking he was borderline PD. Your website articles are the BEST on Internet. I have read them all! This comprehensive list of books is priceless. I read nearly every one. Women who love sociopaths is a ground breaking book. The others equally as insightful and helpful in their own ways. No wonder you are an expert. As for me, no more relationships. Sometimes even someone who couldn’t learn anything else about these disorders is a magnet to the type. My children and myself are my life for now on.

  3. HI Kristen, I appreciate your website and resources. In reviewing your list in this website, I started thinking about what has finally helped me after being in narc relationships since birth (65 years). I also was trained and worked as a master’s level counselor, and also did a lot of personal healing in the 80’s as well in codependency. It wasn’t until I became a born again Christian in 2013 that my eyes and brain could conceive of what I had and have endured. Therefore, I think one would be remiss in not including books that talk about NPD as a manifestation of the Jezebel spirit (see book of Kings in Bible) in male AND female narcs, and the Ahab spirit in the spouse/targeted counterpart. Jezebel is a spirit of witchcraft and rebellion, Ahab is a grand enabler. This spirit cannot be prayed out of the host, but rather, deliverance is required. One resource I will mention is Robert Summers, a Christian counselor who has written extensively on this topic, and also provides deliverance from these ancient, harming spirits. summersministries.com God bless you.

  4. As a person inflicted with Borderline Personality disorder it concerns me that you have lumped it in with your books about narcissism and just mention it as “another cluster B personality” as if to say this is another one you need to watch out for. That could not be further from the truth. Borderline are extremely empathetic and overly loving and loyal and feel VERY deeply. The complete opposite of Narcissists. They fret and obsess at the very thought of having hurt someone or making them angry, terrified of being left by the ones they love too deeply and for which they would do anything. There are many downfalls that come with this disease, the anxiety and the fear of upsetting anyone, the social anxiety, the extreme low self-esteem and the emotional disregulation. We take happy to extreme highs and anger or sadness to an extreme low and it can change on a dime. Although Borderline is has finally started to be studied and recognized and specialized in by therapists and counselors within the last 8 yrs or so, there is still a stigmatism of it and it is not fully understood, especially when “lumped in” to a category with narcissism. I know mental health disorders do have connections and narcissists have some of the traits of Borderline like fear of abandonment and low self-esteem, but being a Borderline who is struggling with the no contact phase after having been with a Narcissist for 13 years, I can tell you that’s where our similarities end. In fact, it is one of the reasons of my intense feelings and empathy that kept me with him for so long. I knew what the fear of abandonment was like and feeling like no one will ever love you for who you really are and I wanted to show him I would stick by his side no matter what because he was worthy of love. And yes, I was too stupid to realize that when I was diagnosed with Borderline, his feverish research into it was not to try to help me or “fix me” as he used to like to say…it was so he had more “ammo” on how to manipulate and torture my mind.

    Thank you for all you do, Kristen. I just felt the need to clarify that book. I have not read it, but the description just seemed to be needed to clarify a little more, then another Cluster B.

    1. Kristen Milstead

      Hi Nicole: Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts on Borderline Personality Disorder. Your insights on the subject are very valuable and your points well-taken. Although it may have seemed as if I was denigrating those with BPD, I personally wasn’t intending to lump the effects on partners that individuals with borderline, schizoid and narcissist personality disorders may have. The book was written by a professional who specializes in each of the three and the book has separate sections on each. Given that she treats individuals with the disorders and provides a balanced view, I felt it may offer a neutral clinical perspective that was easy to read about why narcissists do what they do, and had the bonus addition of providing information on other disorders as well for comparison purposes. This inclusion of different disorders helped me to put NPD in the context of personality disorders as a whole from the perspective of someone who treats patients with personality disorders, and I thought it might be helpful to others as well. I’m aware that BPD has a scientifically-backed treatment and that people with the disorder are more likely to seek treatment and to recover from it, so I do not lump the two together in my mind. You may notice that I do not try to discuss other personality disorders on my website, as I do think there are very important distinctions. It is intentional. I thank you for leaving this comment and I apologize for the insensitivity of my original statement about Cluster B Personality Disorders. -Kristen

  5. Kristen, I am from India where we live relationships at a more irrational levels and live with whatever is without questioning it ever. But I was in this extremely confusing draining emotionally and Financially relationship with this man for ever 4 years in which he left me several times and came back several times and I allowed him to the same things to me over and over and over again. The last nail to the coffin came when in the last one week his family has been sending me threats of making me go through treatment by goons if I don’t leave him alone to go back to his wife. I was so angry that I even complained to his company HR that one he doesn’t leave me and chase me down and then his parents call me like this. At times I feel he only wanted to discard me once more and used his parents for the same. I am in a very shaky state but I have been reading your posts since 15 days and they have helped me immensely. Please pray that I leave all this behind this time atleast as I have gone through enough. Keep me in your prayers. Is there any mail ID I can write to you on? You

    1. Kristen Milstead

      Hi Ekta: I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. It can be so devastating to deal with what they put us through! I’m glad my articles have been helpful. You are welcome to send E-mail to me at kristen@fairytaleshadows.com. Please try to stay strong. -Kristen

  6. Kristen, I send my gratitude and thanks to you, which are immeasurable. You are an amazing person and an extraordinary writer yourself and your toolkit, “Taking Your Life Back After Narcissistic Abuse,” has opened me up to action more than anything else in recent days. I found it the same time as personal matters were escalating and my forward movement is occurring quickly. These books will also help buffer me through the emotional times. Kind regards!

    1. Hi Vicki: You are so welcome. Thank you so much for your kind words! Stay strong and take care of yourself. -Kristen

  7. Thank you so much for posting this! Resources are always helpful to those going through this life!

    1. You are so welcome! 🙂

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