Narcissists don’t break up with you. They give indefinite silent treatments because it gives them control. Sometimes they put us in a deep freeze, but what are the signs of narcissist hoovering?  What is hoovering?  Hoovering is a slang term for the return of the narcissist into your life to try to bring your relationship back from the dead. [See The Ultimate Narcissistic Abuse Dictionary to review unfamiliar terms] Who ended it?  You or the narcissist? It doesn’t matter.  A narcissist may try to hoover, regardless of which one of you cut off contact. It doesn’t matter how nasty the...

What narcissist parents say wires their childrens’ brains and the way they experience the world.  Positive talk contributes to a balanced way of thinking and processing information. On the other hand, directive, cold talk alters kids’ sense of safety and self-esteem. Narcissistic parents excel at making their kids feel unimportant, and language is one of the most powerful tools by which they do this. Unresolved self-esteem issues caused by harsh talk can continue when children become adults and turn into trust and communication difficulties.  In this article, you’ll find out more about the phrases and attitudes that narcissistic parents use...

When most people hear the term “narcissist,” they’re not asking themselves, “What do narcissists want?”  They’re envisioning someone who talks about themselves too much or takes a lot of selfies.   That’s obvious, they’re likely thinking. Narcissists want attention. So the stereotype goes. These traits are essentially harmless and may even be amusing when portrayed in pop culture. However, some narcissists carry other more sinister traits.   Pathological narcissists lie excessively, wear different masks around different people, have secret lives, and fake positive emotions. The heart of narcissistic abuse is the deliberate manipulation of others into willingly making themselves vulnerable enough so...

Growing up with a narcissistic mother can have a harmful impact on your adult relationships. Our early relationship with our parents has a long-term effect on the way we perceive ourselves, the world, and other social interactions: work, school, friendships, or romantic relationships. The relationship with our mother is significant because it implies a natural, powerful bond that is usually nurturing for the child. Unfortunately, it’s the opposite with narcissistic mothers–the child is held responsible for meeting the mother’s needs. This kind of childhood interaction can lead to low self-esteem, intimacy and trust issues, a flawed sense of self, and...

There are so many different types of narcissism that exist. It can be confusing trying to sort out their qualities and behaviors. In addition, what can sometimes make it even more unclear is that narcissism is often treated only as a negative quality. However, Harvard psychologist Craig Malkin (2015) indicates that narcissism is a spectrum trait. On one end lies healthy narcissism, and on the other lies unhealthy narcissism.  The spectrum can tell us a lot about how people prioritize their own emotions and needs. Someone without healthy narcissism has difficulty standing up for themselves and always puts other people...

Narcissists and Valentine’s Day can be a recipe for something bad to happen. Valentine’s Day is often a sensitive and dreaded day for many people, regardless of relationship status. Yet narcissists are notorious for ruining big days such as birthdays, anniversaries, and other holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. [Read How Narcissists Ruin Holidays] Valentine’s Day, however, is extra-special.  Everything about Valentine’s Day is tailor-made for them to wield it as a weapon to inflict maximum pain.  Valentine’s Day can be triggering for those coming out of abusive relationships with narcissists. It’s a day specifically dedicated to the very emotions the...

Idealization and devaluation. I understand everything now. They are two sides of the same coin, neither truth nor lie. They are only the distorted reflections of your sickness. It feels like a grenade just went off. The shrapnel falls, scattering. All the clues flood into the right cracks all at once, but too quickly for me to absorb each in isolation. I begged you for answers so many times. But how could I have expected you to give them to me when you did not understand any point of view other than your own? You could not find the disconnect...