By presenting to us what feels like two completely different people, we can become snared in the narcissist’s battle for control over our perception of reality. This is where cognitive dissonance begins. It is nothing less than mind control and it must be broken. What is Cognitive Dissonance? The idea behind cognitive dissonance is that people will feel so much anxiety when they do something that’s inconsistent with what they personally believe–or when they are confronted with new information–that they will somehow find a way to make everything consistent again psychologically. Leon Festinger was the psychologist who originally developed this idea....

We are living in unprecedented times.  Social distancing and stay-at-home orders are putting those of us who have experienced or are currently experiencing abuse at home at increased risk of further violence, danger, isolation, and mental health symptoms. You’ll still find the books that were here previously below.  However, I’ve greatly expanded the page with dozens of new resources listed below those.  Also, you’ll find that the scope is much broader.  I’ve listed resources aimed more generally at mental health treatment, as well as those offering social and financial support for those who find themselves needing help with food, medication,...

There is no shortage of resources available online for narcissistic abuse survivors.  Our stories are the most powerful contributions to the resources available, as they validate that we are not alone. Beyond the personal stories and blogs, however, there are thousands of other resources across the Internet about narcissists and narcissistic abuse.  It can feel rare when something unique comes along that brings a new idea or perspective to the table. From my perspective, the more new ideas and perspectives we are exposed to, the more that may help us leave our relationships and heal from them when the outside...

I’ve come to believe that the love bombing stage that takes place early in a relationship with a narcissist is the most sinister and dangerous period in the entire relationship. It’s discussed frequently, but usually only in conjunction with the other narcissistic abuse stages in the abuse cycle: idealization-devaluation-discard or sometimes (idealization-devaluation-discard-hoover). It’s often not discussed on its own, because the other stages feel so much more intensely negative that it’s easy to ignore why love bombing is so bad. What is Love Bombing? The narcissistic abuse dictionary defines love bombing as: “A period of intense positive attention from the...

Valentine’s Day is a sensitive and dreaded day for many people, regardless of relationship status.  Single people may dislike it. People in relationships can feel a lot of pressure to “do it right.” And it can definitely bring on negative emotions for those who are going through any type of breakup. Yet Valentine’s Day with a narcissist can be an absolute nightmare.  Narcissists are notorious for ruining big days such as birthdays, anniversaries and other holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas.  But everything about Valentine’s Day is tailor-made for them to wield it as a weapon to inflict maximum pain.  Valentine’s Day can...

Idealized. I understand everything now. It feels like a grenade just went off. The shrapnel is falling, scattering, and all of the clues are flooding into the right cracks all at once, but too quickly for me to absorb each in isolation. I begged you for answers so many times. But how could I have expected you to give them to me when you did not understand any point of view other than your own? You could not find the disconnect between our perspectives anymore than I could, so how could you provide any answers other than the ones you...

Learning about narcissists and love is vital to recovering from relationships with them.   One of the things that we have the most trouble understanding is, “Did our narcissistic ex ever love us?”  It’s hard to reconcile that someone could have loved us and yet treated us as they did.  Some narcissists can fall in love, however, their definition is different from the definition that most of us have. It does not include things such as the mutual caring, compassion, support, honest communication and the provision of emotional and physical needs. As odd as that may sound, an understanding of this...