At some point in the aftermath of what we’ve been through, we confront the idea of finding someone new after the narcissist who was in our lives.  I’ve had many people, both readers and people in my personal life ask me questions about my own dating life: when I planned to… if I’m doing it… how it’s going…  Yet dating after abuse isn’t something to be taken lightly. Experiences with narcissists have made us both targets and they have made us fearful. Walking this line can put us in the crosshairs for many new pitfalls and perils, and also subject...

If you’re reading this, then like I once was, you’re likely caught in the seemingly endless cycle of trying to break up with a narcissist.  It feels like a madness that we can’t escape. They depart suddenly for reasons that seem either minor or made up completely. They may pretend as if you don’t exist. When they do decide to speak to you again, they act as if they are lowering themselves to interact with you. Or perhaps you are the one to leave because you can’t take their actions anymore, but they won’t stay away. This time, they treat...

“You will plead with me to tell the truth. You will promise that there will be no upshot, no comeback, and no consequence, you just, for once want to hear us speak the truth. You know the truth, but you want me to tell you, so you can hear it for once.” – H.G. Tudor, Lies There may have come a time when you asked them to account for their behavior. You may have gotten conflicting answers or none at all. There’s a certain sort of sickness to it, a poison in their non-answers that seeps into you a drop...

The relationship ends. Abruptly. It doesn’t matter if you went no contact or whether the narcissist suddenly cut off contact as if you never existed. You’re on the emotional roller coaster. You can’t stop thinking about what the narcissist is doing at the end of the relationship even though you tell yourself you shouldn’t care.  Why We Obsess about What the Narcissist Does When the Relationship is Over From an outsider’s point of view, from those who haven’t experienced it, the way we endlessly talk about the things they’ve done or how it ended may seem excessive and unhealthy.  What...

When we are in relationships with narcissists, we are constantly trying to figure out how to change course. Anything other than go no contact. For example, if we could just explain to the narcissist how his or her behavior is hurting us, then perhaps they would stop.  Things never align. We never reach the elusive place where they are fulfilling our psychological relationship needs in a way that each member of a normal couple does for one another. Instead, we find ourselves becoming weaker and more exhausted trying to do things that are beyond the bounds of what we should...

I have been called an inspiration, survivor and a great story. I think that description is a little exaggerated. I think every person in this world has it within them to wake up and take control of their story, it just depends on when you finally have had enough. I was a victim of terrible childhood abuse, that attracted extreme trauma from external situations (car accidents, broken bones, knife wounds), and coped by my addiction to alcohol. Which in turn, set me up for adult abuse from a narcissist and codependent relationship. When I "woke up" by finally having enough pain, I had three choices: 1. Kill myself 2. Continue to suffer through life and expect the bad 3. Take my external trauma and heal it internally. I chose option 3 and today, I am full of love and compassion towards all and for the first time accept and love myself truly who I am regardless of whats going on around me.

To be human is to know both joy and pain. Loss, suffering, grief, loneliness, and sadness are inescapable parts of the human condition that everyone experiences. Their ubiquity does not make them something that we should minimize or dismiss. These profound emotions and life experiences should not, however, be confused with living with PTSD.  It’s important to acknowledge that there is no linear timeline for grief or loss, “getting over” an event and everyone experiences loss and sometimes suffers.  Trauma stands apart from these other normalized parts of the human experience.  There are some experiences that are so psychologically damaging that,...