When we are in relationships with narcissists, we are constantly trying to figure out how to change course. Anything other than go no contact. For example, if we could just explain to the narcissist how his or her behavior is hurting us, then perhaps they would stop.  Things never align. We never reach the elusive place where they are fulfilling our psychological relationship needs in a way that each member of a normal couple does for one another. Instead, we find ourselves becoming weaker and more exhausted trying to do things that are beyond the bounds of what we should...

I have been called an inspiration, survivor and a great story. I think that description is a little exaggerated. I think every person in this world has it within them to wake up and take control of their story, it just depends on when you finally have had enough. I was a victim of terrible childhood abuse, that attracted extreme trauma from external situations (car accidents, broken bones, knife wounds), and coped by my addiction to alcohol. Which in turn, set me up for adult abuse from a narcissist and codependent relationship. When I "woke up" by finally having enough pain, I had three choices: 1. Kill myself 2. Continue to suffer through life and expect the bad 3. Take my external trauma and heal it internally. I chose option 3 and today, I am full of love and compassion towards all and for the first time accept and love myself truly who I am regardless of whats going on around me.

To be human is to know both joy and pain. Loss, suffering, grief, loneliness, and sadness are inescapable parts of the human condition that everyone experiences. Their ubiquity does not make them something that we should minimize or dismiss. These profound emotions and life experiences should not, however, be confused with living with PTSD.  It’s important to acknowledge that there is no linear timeline for grief or loss, “getting over” an event and everyone experiences loss and sometimes suffers.  Trauma stands apart from these other normalized parts of the human experience.  There are some experiences that are so psychologically damaging that,...

Some of the most destructive things that happen to us in our relationships with narcissists happen in our conversations with them. Their conversational tactics are known as “word salad.” The narcissistic abuse dictionary defines word salad as: “Circular language tactics narcissists use to ensure that conversations with others never have satisfactory resolutions for the other party; can include projection, stonewalling, blameshifting, sympathy ploys, bringing up something the partner did, bringing up unrelated issues, starting the conversation over, and others.” The purpose of word salad is to use our words against us. By using these circular conversational tactics, they manage to...

Did you ever wonder why the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood didn’t just kill the little girl when he found her in the first place? I mean, he’s a wolf. He can outrun her. And he has teeth. Why run ahead to grandmother’s house and play dress-up? The story of the wolf in sheep’s clothing is a story of a hidden predator. The predator walks among the sheep undetected because gaining the trust of the sheep first before attacking gets the wolf more for less effort. Have you found yourself in more than one narcissistic relationship?  I bet you’ve...

“You don’t own my body. You don’t own me.” When bachelorette Hannah Brown said those words to Luke Parker on the ABC series The Bachelorette this season, we knew things were flying off the rails. But it was what he said in response that warned us this wasn’t just the usual reality show drama–the relationship was heading into dangerous territory.   In the episode, Hannah had recently been on a date with one of the other men on the show in Riga, Latvia, during which the two of them had gone bungee jumping naked. When Luke heard about the date, he...

A woman of God who loves God and the things of God. I am a person who is an empathetic person but one who is ready to stand up for herself and advocate for others.