If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s likely your human rights are being violated. When I was in a relationship with a pathological partner, he never controlled what or when I took care of my basic needs or kept me from talking to others. However, he did exert quite a bit of control over my wardrobe, where I went, who I saw, and with whom I interacted. “I never told you that you couldn’t hang out with your friends!” he would say to me. It was always said in a tone that suggested I was crazy for implicating...

This narcissist dictionary was developed as a comprehensive resource to explain concepts you may encounter while reading about narcissistic abuse.  Many of the terms are used and explained using personal stories of survivors and the most up-to-date research in my book Why Can’t I Just Leave? You can read the first chapter for free right now here:   You can read the first chapter for free right now by clicking here This comprehensive dictionary is a living document and is updated periodically to reflect emerging research and the growing use of terminology for defining narcissism, narcissists, pathological love relationships, coercive control,...

Narcissists and Valentine’s Day can be a recipe for something bad to happen. Valentine’s Day is often a sensitive and dreaded day for many people, regardless of relationship status. Yet narcissists are notorious for ruining big days such as birthdays, anniversaries, and other holidays.  [Read How Narcissists Ruin Holidays] Valentine’s Day, however, is “extra-special.”  Everything about Valentine’s Day is tailor-made for them to wield it as a weapon to inflict maximum pain.  Valentine’s Day can be triggering for those coming out of abusive relationships with narcissists. It’s a day specifically dedicated to the very emotions the narcissist distorted to gain our...

When we are in relationships with narcissists, we are constantly trying to figure out how to change course. Anything other than go “no contact.” For example, if we could just explain to them how their behavior is hurting us, then perhaps they would stop.  Things never align. We never reach the elusive dream of a loving relationship characterized by honesty and respect. Instead, we find ourselves becoming weaker and more exhausted trying to do things that are beyond the bounds of what we should be expected to give. It’s a merry-go-round we either ride until we’re sick or that we...

It was the question that I could not answer:  Did he ever care about me? Can narcissists love you?  I would lie awake at night and wonder how he could have looked at me the way he had if he did not love me.  When love is a lie, can people fake enlarged pupils and do they look at you with their lips slightly parted, as if they are dying of thirst and you are a pool of endless water?  Do you look into their eyes and see yourself reflected back like rays of gold illuminating a forgotten darkness?  Do...

0If you’re with a narcissist, you may be dreading the holidays. You may already be familiar with some of the ways they try to ruin any festive or fun plans you’ve tried to make.  [Read: How Narcissists Ruin Holidays: It’s Not Your Imagination] Here are some ways to survive the narcissist during the holiday season and make it through to the next year with your sanity intact. Even if you’re in no-contact, it’s important to keep in mind that holidays are a prime season for trying to pull ex-partners back into the web. Therefore, I’ve included a special section on how...

Narcissists ruin holidays and make what should be a joyful time of year into a time of tears and anxiety–and sometimes even fear.  The holidays can be a painful time of year for people who are in relationships with narcissists. It can feel as if no matter how your relationship has been going with them before the holidays even start, they can find a way to use this time of year to cause additional pain. By taking advantage of the cultural norms and expectations surrounding holidays or the disruption to normal routines, they can find creative ways to hurt and...