Category: Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

Maybe the narcissist promised to take you on the trip of a lifetime. Or maybe it was your trip originally and the narcissist invited themselves, spinning a tale about how wonderful it would be for the two of you to spend some time together. Yet what gets sold as a dream can end up turning into a nightmare. Why narcissists ruin vacations, however, isn’t as much of a mystery as it may seem.  Vacations aren’t an exception. Narcissists also have a tendency to ruin other special days, such as anniversaries and birthdays, Valentine’s Day and other holidays. [Read “How Narcissists Ruin...

Narcissist word salad is a verbal stealth attack. Word salad is a circular language tactic use by one person that ensures conversations never have a satisfactory resolution for the other.  It’s a way to maintain control over the other person’s beliefs or ideas, emotional response, or access to information. The methods used could include blameshifting, projection, gaslighting, stonewalling, sympathy ploys or playing the victim, equivocating, changing the subject and partner on the defensive, and others. [See The Ultimate Narcissistic Abuse Dictionary to review unfamiliar terms] The purpose of word salad is to use our words against us.  Through these circular...

Some of the things narcissists say can raise eyebrows. Those things might come in grand verbal speeches or spoken in bite-sized comments mumbled under the breath. Either way, when heard, something seems out of place, but you might not always know why.  Often what they say has another meaning because they have ulterior motives or they’re attempting to manipulate behind the scenes.  Things Narcissists Say That Give Them Away Narcissistic people can sometimes give themselves away over time when you keep communicating with them.  It’s not just that they talk about themselves a lot, as the stereotype would suggest.  It’s...

Narcissists don’t break up with you. They give indefinite silent treatments because it gives them control. Sometimes they put us in a deep freeze, but what are the signs of narcissist hoovering?  What is hoovering?  Hoovering is a slang term for the return of the narcissist into your life to try to bring your relationship back from the dead. [See The Ultimate Narcissistic Abuse Dictionary to review unfamiliar terms] Who ended it?  You or the narcissist? It doesn’t matter.  A narcissist may try to hoover, regardless of which one of you cut off contact. It doesn’t matter how nasty the...

Narcissists and Valentine’s Day can be a recipe for something bad to happen. Valentine’s Day is often a sensitive and dreaded day for many people, regardless of relationship status. Yet narcissists are notorious for ruining big days such as birthdays, anniversaries, and other holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. [Read How Narcissists Ruin Holidays] Valentine’s Day, however, is extra-special.  Everything about Valentine’s Day is tailor-made for them to wield it as a weapon to inflict maximum pain.  Valentine’s Day can be triggering for those coming out of abusive relationships with narcissists. It’s a day specifically dedicated to the very emotions the...

The term “love bombing” may sound harmless on the surface. Who doesn’t want someone to bombard them with affection?  Yet narcissist love bombing is very sinister and dangerous. It disarms us and is the first step in an exploitative relationship. Love bombing almost always starts on day one in a relationship with a narcissist. It is part of the indoctrination that sets the stage for everything else that will occur during the rest of the relationship. Our emotions are used to trap us into the relationship and make it difficult to escape this narcissistic behavior. Then it can even spill...

Gaslighting is one of the most dangerous types of emotional abuse, yet gaslighting examples can be difficult to spot in everyday life. Why? It’s a covert form of abuse.  It only works because it’s invisible.  No one comes out and says they’re gaslighting you. Unlike more blatant forms of abuse, such as verbal abuse, the abuser can deny they are doing something harmful to you. This is why gaslighting is so effective.  If we have any emotional investment at all in a person who frequently gaslights us, this manipulation can create an almost insurmountable threat to our own ability to...