Category: Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

Did you ever wonder why the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood didn’t just kill the little girl when he found her in the first place? I mean, he’s a wolf. He can outrun her. And he has teeth. Why run ahead to grandmother’s house and play dress-up? The story of the wolf in sheep’s clothing is a story of a hidden predator. The predator walks among the sheep undetected because gaining the trust of the sheep first before attacking gets the wolf more for less effort. Have you found yourself in more than one narcissistic relationship?  I bet you’ve...

I recently saw a quote in which someone was lamenting the fact that there were more articles describing narcissism and narcissistic abuse than how to heal core wounds as a result of the abuse. I thought it was a strange distinction to make. When survivors of narcissistic abuse read articles about narcissism and narcissistic abuse, that is a form of healing.  In addition, although the quote acknowledged that there are differences in the types of information that is needed to heal, it appeared to elevate healing core wounds over learning about the narcissistic relationship without acknowledging that they are two different but equally...

This is how narcissists play mind games. They call it “morally equivalent,” the things they incite in the dramatic production they’re scripting off-stage while we wander through the storybook they dropped us into, wondering how things veered so sharply off-course.  Or worse, the imaginary things, the shadows they project onto us of their own behavior. The cheating. The lying. The stalking. The abusive and predatory actions. The contradictions. The controlling manipulations. The jealous attitude. They manufacture emotions that look and feel like monstrosities in our own repertoire, then call us monsters for reflecting back to them what they wanted to...

Lies are not the same for narcissists and psychopaths as they are for the rest of us. When a narcissist lies, it splits the world off into two realities and forces us to choose the one in which we want to live. In the article “16 Faces of a Psychopath,” the author writes that in their world, “they don’t lie because lying is not a relevant issue for them. The idea or image of truth doesn’t exist with the psychopath, so he cannot lie…. there is for him no difference. He says what’s convenient, what comes to his mind, but...

There are a lot of reasons that it’s so difficult to leave a narcissist. Just by alternating between kind and cruel behavior, a narcissist can induce chemical changes in our brains that can cause us to become chemically addicted to this attack-and-rescue cycle. Then depending on how strong our attachment is to the narcissist, we may develop Stockholm Syndrome. These are just a couple of the ways that explain how narcissists get into our heads and control us. There is one particular force, however, that is the most important in explaining how narcissists are able to establish and maintain control of our...

Relationships with narcissists are not like normal relationships in so many different ways that it’s difficult to keep track. It’s no wonder that we’re left wondering why it’s so hard to get over narcissists once the relationships end. Putting the reasons into words, however, can help us to understand why it takes so long to get over the relationship so we can give ourselves more self-compassion as we work on moving on after narcissistic abuse.     Twelve Reasons It’s So Hard to Get Over a Narcissist 1. The Relationships Are More Intense. Our lives were often lived on the edge....

If you’ve ever been in a situation where someone is verbally abusing you, you’ve probably had the urge to do one of four things: get away as soon as possible to avoid the abuse, smooth over the aggression, zone out or freeze up and wait for it to end, or fight back. These are normal human responses by our complex nervous system when it perceives danger, as described by Peter Walker in his book CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: “A fight response is triggered when a person suddenly responds aggressively to something threatening. A flight response is triggered when a...