When you’re with a narcissist, you’re typically in limbo where either you leave and then they draw you back in once again, or they give you a silent treatment or discard you, leaving you baffled over what has just taken place, often only to return after a period of days or weeks to tell you that they can’t live without you. We need to be able to outsmart the narcissist in order to ever break out of this pattern that keeps us locked in invisible chains that weaken our ability to ever leave at all. There is a reason you...

The primary model that has been offered for how narcissists abuse their partners is the three-stage idealize-devalue-discard narcissistic abuse cycle.  It has some similarities to the traditional cycle of abuse in domestic violence situations, which was first developed in 1979 by Lenore Walker. Walker’s model was characterized by three phases: (1) Tension-building stage: the abused partner is submissive and walks on eggshells to avoid an outburst; the abusive partner becomes increasingly demanding, controlling and irritable; (2) Violent episode: erupts after the tension builds to a high point, where the abused partner may fight back or try to get away; and...

If you’re swimming in the ocean and happen to get attacked by a shark, you’re lucky if you happen to escape. If the shark turns back around to bite into you again before you’re able to swim to shore, no one asks why you didn’t swim away fast enough or why you let the shark attack a second time. I left my abuser dozens of times before it was finally over. Long before then, there had been two of me: the one that prayed for it to end and the one that prayed it never would–the one that wished desperately...

It can be difficult to find trauma therapy for narcissistic abuse. Believe me—I know from first-hand experience. That’s why I’m so excited to be able to write this post and say that I have found a potential immediate low-cost option for victims of narcissistic abuse. Here’s why I’m so excited! If you have had any of the following issues while trying to find a narcissistic abuse recovery therapist (I know I have), this option may be for you: You can’t find a trauma therapist. You found a trauma therapist, but he or she isn’t taking new clients or the waiting...

There is a reason why relationships with narcissists are fraudulent. “Victims receive what is known as a ‘double hit’ – they are troubled by the loss of money as well as the loss of a relationship. For some, the loss of the relationship is more significant… This type of fraud can lead victims to lose faith in their ability to seek out a future romantic relationship and lead to a drop in self-confidence. Victims often feel duped – tricked into believing that they were participating in a consensual, loving relationship… Individuals who are defrauded as part of romance scam are...

Once you have gone no-contact, no matter how much you wanted to do it, it may still feel like you have ripped out a part of your own body and you can do nothing but wait for the bleeding to dry up.  There are ways of moving on after going no contact with a narcissist, however, even the thought of doing so can leave you inexplicably frozen in either turmoil or indecision. For me, what was even harder than moving on was feeling like the narcissist had left a part of himself with me. I could see him everywhere I...

Some of the things narcissists say can raise eyebrows, and they might come in packages of grand verbal speeches or in bite-sized pieces that seem out of place. Either way, you might recognize that something seems off, but not always know why.  Often what they say has another meaning because they have ulterior motives or they’re attempting to manipulate behind the scenes.  My ex-boyfriend loved to “monologue.” We had our designated spots where this often took place–him standing next to the bed and me sitting on it, leaning against the headboard. I listened to him at length, watching him wave his...