To be human is to know both joy and pain. Loss, suffering, grief, loneliness, and sadness are inescapable parts of the human condition that everyone experiences. Their ubiquity does not make them something that we should minimize or dismiss. These profound emotions and life experiences should not, however, be confused with living with PTSD.  It’s important to acknowledge that there is no linear timeline for grief or loss, “getting over” an event and everyone experiences loss and sometimes suffers.  Trauma stands apart from these other normalized parts of the human experience.  There are some experiences that are so psychologically damaging that,...

Some of the most destructive things that happen to us in our relationships with narcissists happen in our conversations with them. Their conversational tactics are known as “word salad.” The narcissistic abuse dictionary defines word salad as: “Circular language tactics narcissists use to ensure that conversations with others never have satisfactory resolutions for the other party; can include projection, stonewalling, blameshifting, sympathy ploys, bringing up something the partner did, bringing up unrelated issues, starting the conversation over, and others.” The purpose of word salad is to use our words against us. By using these circular conversational tactics, they manage to...

Did you ever wonder why the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood didn’t just kill the little girl when he found her in the first place? I mean, he’s a wolf. He can outrun her. And he has teeth. Why run ahead to grandmother’s house and play dress-up? The story of the wolf in sheep’s clothing is a story of a hidden predator. The predator walks among the sheep undetected because gaining the trust of the sheep first before attacking gets the wolf more for less effort. Have you found yourself in more than one narcissistic relationship?  I bet you’ve...

“You don’t own my body. You don’t own me.” When bachelorette Hannah Brown said those words to Luke Parker on the ABC series The Bachelorette this season, we knew things were flying off the rails. But it was what he said in response that warned us this wasn’t just the usual reality show drama–the relationship was heading into dangerous territory.   In the episode, Hannah had recently been on a date with one of the other men on the show in Riga, Latvia, during which the two of them had gone bungee jumping naked. When Luke heard about the date, he...

The Wicked Witch of the West dispatches them to do her evil deeds.  In fact, in the film The Wizard of Oz, the only purpose of flying monkeys is to carry out her commands. They’re so loyal, all she has to do is wave her arms around and demand something and, mindlessly, off they go to make it happen. Has she cast a spell over them?  Are they just as evil as she is?   At least in the film, we never learn. But they dwell with her in darkness and they do whatever she says. Does this sound familiar? The narcissist...

Can I get real with you for a few minutes? Can we have a talk? Is your relationship with the narcissist ending, but then not really? Are you still breaking up and then getting back together with the narcissist? Does he or she come back around every so often? Do you stay in touch with him or her, or keep the lines of communication open in the hopes that he or she will reach out? Forget about the past for a minute, and how he or she used to treat you at the beginning of the relationship. Let’s ignore in...

One of the most difficult things I’ve had to figure out recently is how to set boundaries again after my abusive relationship ended.  It took me a long time to realize how my ex-boyfriend had dismantled the boundaries I did have. He was able to use to his advantage the confusing misconceptions I had adopted about boundaries. What are Personal Boundaries? Boundaries are our standards for what treatment we expect from others and the behavior that we will not tolerate because it violates our human rights. For example, boundaries can include the rights to make independent decisions; to have our...