Living Through and Recovering From a Relationship with a Narcissist

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I am humbled to receive your messages of support. Thank you for being instrumental in my own recovery.

eaving the narcissist can cause us to change in ways we didn't ask for. However, sometimes we don't recognize the change until we can process the trauma.

 

“Extremely interesting website. Great writing… really impressive, both writing and clinical understanding.” -David Reiss, M.D.

“I have read articles and books about narcissism for 20 years. You are the most accurate and insightful of any author. Thank you for your wisdom and being able to reach victim’s minds and hearts.” -Cindy

“You are such an exceptional writer and so giving with your wise and compassionate heart to help others involved with narcissists. This article is outstanding and one I’m going to share with my therapist. In fact, she liked your “Taking Your Life Back…” booklet so much, she asked me for two copies!” -Vicki

“Yesterday I found your blog. Something you said, I wish I could remember specifically, gave me the major a-ha. I stayed up hours after my usual bedtime reading as many of your posts as I could. I have created a new email address to write to you in order to protect myself. That seems necessary and wise. I will say more another time. But a truly heartfelt thank you for breaking the silence!” -Catherine

“This is simply a “Thank You” for what you do. Your resources and willingness to describe/analyze your abuse is excellent. So many resources are just too academic. Your “voice” is a pleasant blend of academic information and personal revelations.” -Sam

“Your articles are so helpful because you describe how we are feeling. Most describe characteristics of the narcissist. I am so thankful I found your site.” -Stacy

“I wanted to express my deep appreciation and heartfelt thank-you for your blog. It helped me get through some incredibly trying, seemingly hopeless times. Your courage is incredible, and your ability to transcend your own pain and loss through this blog has helped me in my own dark journey, as I’m sure it’s done for so many others. I’m so very grateful! I thought I’d write a quick note since I’ve just unsubscribed from your mailing list. I think I’ve spent enough time learning about narcissism and ruminating on what I endured; it’s time for me to try to limit this obsession with him and his disorder…and finally focus on myself and what I want for my life. I’m sure I’ll still check your site intermittently, but I wanted to add to the chorus of folks who appreciate your dedication and efforts to help narc survivors.” -Claire

“You’ve been instrumental to my being able to verbalize the chaos that twirls around in my head. You don’t know this but I forward the posts that resonate to my psychologist to better explain what I’m feeling.” -V

“Excellent! I’ve read most of these articles and passed them to a friend or two who also are recovering from this situation. Your articles are A++!! Highly recommend reading all these to anyone who’s recovering or researching their relationship/s” – Kathleen

“I love the understanding and support of your articles and do thank you so much for all you do to let us know we are not crazy or alone.” -Nicole

“You ROCK chic!! U sound very intelligent and a strong personality just as myself… Thank u for putting this info out there as no one wanted to touch on the points u make. They Are important and make a world of difference when known and understood.” -C2Gemineyes

“I showed your website to my therapist, and we’ve been talking about the situations around abuse in our sessions… I don’t even remember how I stumbled across your website, but I thank the universe every day that I did. Reading your articles gave me enough space to have that Out of Body Experience. Enough breath to be a Witness to my own behavior. To snap out of the charm parade long enough to say – hold on a second. Getting over this and the embarrassment might be one of the hardest things I do in my life… Sorry for writing as much as I did. I thought about deleting it, but I guess, in a way, you were part of that day. The day I finally got away.” -Rachel

“Just want to let you know you have really encouraged me in my recovery and to say “thank you”… Your blog helps me every time I read it. THANK YOU!!!!” -Bridget

“Thank you so much for writing these articles. It’s been 3 years now that I’ve started to do research on narcissism, yet I stayed so confused. A few weeks ago I stumbled on your site and everything I’ve read could be my words or thoughts… Everything you write resonates so well. A week ago I started no-contact. Thank you, thank you, thank you” -Sarah

“I found fairy tale shadows right after my new husband was diagnosed… Your website articles are the best on the Internet. I have read them all!” -Cindy

“Great job on this Kristen, really. One of the things I love so much – coming from someone that has experienced this – is that for victims of emotional abuse, what you write comes from the most authentic place. You are not just writing an article about narcissism because it is a topic many are writing about, you are writing about it because you have a new and intelligent perspective to add. It comes through in your writing… This type of writing is so important because it not only helps you move beyond your pain, but it reaches your hand out to others and tell us it’s going to be okay.”

“Thank you Kristen! The knowledge, understanding, empathy and solidarity you provide towards all your readers and followers become their guiding light towards a beautiful, narc-free life!!!” -Renee

“Thank you for your words, Kristen. Your blogs really help me get answers for the questions I still have.” -Sarah

“All those posts I got yesterday – FASCINATING! You really do have a wonderful ability with allegory and metaphor to write a bestseller!”

“I found your online blog and I think it’s an incredibly well-written and accurate set of writing that perfectly describes what I went through over the space of 10 years. It really helped me process some things. Thank you.”

“Kristen as a grateful follower of your content, I feel compelled to reach out and say THANK YOU. Really, the information you have published has been of the highest quality. I appreciate how well you are able to articulate and put into words your own experiences, and sharing with the world what NPD abuse patterns look like, and how to heal from it… Being one who has listened to and read a bit on the topic, I want you to know that for me personally, your work certainly stands out as some of the highest quality I have yet read. Your work has spoke to me and resonated with me powerfully, and I want you to know that. I want you to know that because I know if I feel this way, there are surely countless others who feel the same, but just haven’t taken the time to let you know. Please do keep up the good work… Not only are you helping yourself on your path of healing, but you are shining a light of hope and understanding, helping others like myself shed the scales of chaos, confusion, pain, hurt, trauma bonding and so on… so that we can be empowered, know we’re not alone, understand there is a path of healing, and that not all people are like this. Forgive me for the length of my message, but I wanted to convey my sincerest thanks to you, and encourage you to keep up the good work. It is making a difference.” -Matt

“You are quickly establishing yourself as having some of the best content out there on npd. Thanks for your contributions and willingness to be such a powerful messenger, blaring the clarion call of truth regarding such a damaging and poisonous disorder. Helping those of us who have found ourselves in such an entangled web of pain and confusion. Helping to shed the scales of lies… and letting the cleansing light of truth in. Thank you. Thank you.”

“Read this again if you are struggling with what to do. Read it every day. I did this, most of it, and am 2 months no contact after 12 yrs of confusion and abuse. It works. I wish I’d seen this article before I left since I muddled through figuring it out as I went but it works. It will change your perspectives. It will help you. Please, please, Save yourselves. They are not worth sacrificing your life for. Thank you Kristen for putting into words every single thing I’ve felt for over a decade.” -S.

“Dear Kristen, You’re amazing, with the best advice available on the Internet today. I broke ties with my covert narcissist years ago, but Donald Trump keeps many of those wounds open on a daily basis. Your writings help me survive that bastard’s lunacy. Best regards, Karen”

“Hi Kristen, I wanted to thank you for your blog. It has inspired me and helped me through an extremely tough time. The realization that I’ve been dating and had fallen in love with a fraud, it broke me… Your blog really highlighted for me so many of the feelings and doubts and questions I’ve had. I’m naturally intuitive but haven’t been able to make sense of anything for months. I’m currently going no contact. Thank you so much for helping me to see the light at the end of a very dark tunnel.” -Mike

“Kristen, you will never know the positive healthy impact your blog has made in my life. My narcissist left in May 2017 after 4 years. I identify with everything you are doing to help those of us who have experienced what you have also. Just sending out a huge THANK YOU for all your help. Please don’t stop. YOU have made a much needed difference in my life.” -Mary

“Kristen, I wanted to thank you so much for your free booklet. It was actually one of the most important resources I’ve read on narcissism and really helped me leave my narc. I struggled to understand why it was so hard, but the booklet helped me understand and work through those issues. I think it’s good enough to sell, truly! I hope you are reaching lots of people with this really helpful resource of yours and thank you again… I wish more women knew about it. I see so many people struggling with leaving, and it is hard, but your ideas and exercises really did help.” -Lara

“I am not kidding when I say that yesterday I read your 65 page book with wonder and recognition.. and again today, taking more care to absorb its contents more thoroughly. In my 35 years of being married to a Narcissist I often thought desperately to myself that there was no one in the world to whom I could identify and surely he was one out of several million.. but maybe, sadly, his type are more common than I thought. It would certainly seem that way after rrading your powerful book. Thank you for writing it so simply that even this ‘bear with little brain’ can understand and get excited about each paragraph as it unfolds its familiar story… Imagine his shock, like I truly blind sided him when I announced I was going to apply for a divorce.” – Jennifer

“Doing [the things in this article] worked for me. I am now disgusted by him or even hearing his name for that matter. I sometimes still get the PTSD but that’s few and far in between now… I learned to trust my gut. No red flags, no bad feelings, no being suspicious or jealous. I went against my gut for my narc and I should have trusted it, now I am. My gut says he’s a good guy. I have you to thank for this, just as much as my couple friends. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart. You will always have a special place there.” -Kaye

“I have to work with my Narc bf for the past two weeks while we are in truck going from 1 job to another, I’m reading fairytaleshadow from my email on my cell…LOL! I have to say you really have been a “sanity saver” in my life for the past couple months since I discovered you. I’m also reading a book you recommended on Kindle. You have truly been a God send! I was close to checking into a mental hospital…..No joke…. Thanks!!!!!!!”

“I just sent you a message through your website, but I wanted to connect on here as well. You’ve made the difference in my life where I was actually suicidal at certain points in my recovery because of the destruction he did to my psyche. You set me free. Forever love and gratitude to you.”

“I want you to know what you’re articles and perspective has done for me. I’ve identified the fact my abuser was a narcissist and I needed to move on, through other outlets, but until I came across your site and your perspective, I couldn’t actually go no contact with full conviction. I felt like you were with the same person I was with. You presented the information so well and you weren’t asking me to take a class or workshop if I wanted to actually succeed in moving on. You saved my life. I left him and moved to another city, but he still infiltrated my life until I came across your site. I’m forever indebted to you… Thank you, thank you. You validated me and my experience fully. So much gratitude. If you’re ever in Texas, look me up.”

“There are no words to express my thanks for these emails. I am out now and am doing well, but reading these emails are validating. They help tremendously in my ability to be sane in my new life. Thank you so very much. It took a long time to go no contact and withstand the hoovering, and I take nothing for granted, but experiencing a better daily life is a fantastic payoff for all that pain and confusion.” -Carol

“Kristen, I send my gratitude and thanks to you, which are immeasurable. You are an amazing person and an extraordinary writer yourself and your toolkit, “Taking Your Life Back After Narcissistic Abuse,” has opened me up to action more than anything else in recent days. I found it the same time as personal matters were escalating and my forward movement is occurring quickly. These books will also help buffer me through the emotional times. Kind regards!” -Vicki

“This, by far, is the best description of the relationship between a ‘normal’ person and a narcissist. I will read the rest in sections because so much applies to my ex-narcissist’s behavior and as I continue recovery, I am always finding new things that fit this man perfectly. Although I am not interested in another relationship with anybody, this is valuable information to know when interacting on any level with another parson. I have also recommended your page to a couple of my friends who went through the same hell as me. I am also hoping your wisdom will help one of my friends currently in a very rocky relationship with a narcissist. Thank you for sharing with the world!” -Katherine

“This woman crawled into my head and took the complexities of the emotions I was feeling after a horrific relationship and made sense of it. She is an exceptional writer and picks apart complex emotion like no other. Kristen helped me feel sane again!!!” -Vesta

“I have just found your articles in my ongoing recovery and they are beautiful and helpful…Thank you very much for your site.” -Cliff

“This is one of the most amazing articles on the destructive power of narcissists I have ever read and no matter how difficult the relationship is with the acquired “learned helplessness” and our extreme feelings of weakness, you have given me hope to extricate myself from a very long marriage. I know it’s time to leave and after another nighttime argument where he said “you’d be nothing without me,” I realize I have to go for my sweet soul… Kind regards! Your writing is outstanding and I’m sharing this with my therapist. Everything you say has so much truth to it, down to its deepest, heartfelt core.” -Vicki

“Omg, Kristin. It pains and heartens me to read such heartfelt words, capturing my current experiences and feelings exactly. Thank you so much for having the courage to articulate such deep, overwhelming, scary and (at times) paralyzing emotions. I’ve found that even with the help of a caring and experienced therapist, this phase doesn’t feel any easier. True, unfettered introspection and forgiving oneself is probably the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to try…and unlike previous broken relationships or childhood experiences, there is no other choice following a relationship with a narcissist. Denial is dangerous, and it feels like there is no other option but to, as you say, walk into the blaze.” -C

“Thank you for your writing and sharing. It helps to realize we aren’t alone.” -Alane

“I would just like to say to Thankyou… everything I’ve read and am still reading from your website and Pinterest exctra…. it’s unbelievably helpful and insightful to me in this I don’t even know where I am right now….but I just wanted to say Thankyou for sharein all this the resources the information the personal touch to it everything. It has given me a lot of peace in what has been a mind of utter chaos for too long now that I almost thought ide lost myself Thankyou again!” – Josie

“I wanted to say I’m so glad I found your blog and thank you for your posts about the 9 types of narcissists, this thing is life-changing! I’m at a point in my healing process today where having that email pop up was such perfect timing. I am finding myself completely absorbed in the educating-myself aspect of my healing process and this just made it so much easier to break down. It also makes it easier to explain my experience with my ex to others, not to mention identifying other narcissists. Again, THANK YOU.” –Martine

“Wow, I’ve been reading your blog and just saw your whole Insta page and every word you’ve ever written and every image you have posted resonates so deeply with me. It’s crazy to think that there’s so many of us survivors from every corner of the world, yet we all share the same pain of loss, grief and heartbreak. Anyway, I just wanted to say you’re amazing, you’ve helped me more in my healing than you’ll ever know. Thank you for having the strength and courage to speak out about narcissistic abuse. You’re truly an angel.” -Sandra

“I’m so very grateful for your effort to help. Everything you write feels as the truth and I understand very good what you are trying to let me see. You know…the truth hurts but thank you for telling. IT’s strange but your words really reach me and make me cry. Not in a bad way but I feel so grateful that you want to share your story and took the time to write back. It’s a very lonely place I’m in right now but this help.” -Jacky

“Just read one of your articles & it was spot on. I just broke up with my N boyfriend today and I’m already a mess. But I know I deserve better. I’m viewing your site from my cell but this weekend I plan to go on and read everything!”

“You are a phenom writer!! You show, and don’t tell. Wow, my friend. What a f*cking gift!!! You are a gem, and need to capitalize on this topic… I don’t know who you are but you have an amazing gift.”

“Dear Kristen. Thank you for all you do. Your writing and sharing of your experience have been a great help in my recovery from narcissistic abuse. It is good to know I am not alone and that someone understands. A big hug for you.” -Sara

“I just want to say thank you so much for your beautiful writings and let you know that your words help me more than you were ever know. I feel lost and confused and it’s horrible journey and I just want to get to the other side. Your words and writings make me feel less afraid and alone. I am on several forums already, but this particular site and I guess the way you express your experience of what you went through resonates with me. I’ve lost myself, my faith in life and my hope and I am trying to gain it back…I read to gain the courage and strength to finally let go. I didn’t know where else to tell you thank you for this and what you do to help others. Xoxo” B.

“I appreciate your work in trying to educate people about this problem, as I feel No one on the outside can fully grasp the true reality of it. Your courage is amazing! The eloquence and simplicity with which you are able to describe what happens in a narcissistic relationship is epic! Although I have little faith in myself anymore and have a long road to recovery, your words give me the conviction to stay with it. That, as you already know, is a huge endeavor. Truthfully, I don’t even remember how I wound up on your blog or even what your name is, but you are my hero! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!”

“Hi Kristen, I just want to say thanks. I’m supporting a friend through a long, long break-up with her narcissistic and psychopathic ex. At times it’s been really hard to help; jumping is is a natural urge I’ve had to fight against, as sitting back and watch it relapse after relapse has been incredibly hard. We’ve both found your website a real help (she actually connected me with it). Your writing is so practical and accessible. We can both related. So just a big thanks really. I know it’s a lot road, but I hope we’ve turned a corner now. All the best. Take care and thanks again (and again).” -Tim

“Kristen, Thank you so much for your articles…they help me a lot! Although I’m still in hell, I know from reading your work that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Particularly resonant with me is April 25th’s, “Five Relationship Outcomes: Which One Will You Choose?” I’ve never been a needy person before, but this is the craziest dynamic I have ever experienced. Now that her mask is off, I STILL can’t seem to shake this toxic relationship. My friends are so sick of hearing about it and just can’t seem to understand why I don’t move on. Thank you. You are my inspiration right now.”

“I just wanted to say one thing. Thank you. Just. Thank you. Your posts have been a godsend. I’ve had such a tough time to get rid of this girl from my life and it’s been one nightmare after another. After reading your posts, I’ve had a fresh perspective, and I think I’ve finally gotten rid of her from my mind, from my heart, and from my life.”

“This is by far the most diverse, detailed and best article that will explain in words somewhat the experience of loving a narcissist. It is easier to understand to someone with this trauma in their life, but explains things excellent! Thank you for such a different perspective!! I hope this comforts others knowing they are not crazy only to read they actually are human with normal emotions that and wonder how they got here. It’s seems like such a fatal blur! This has helped myself see things more clearly and understand what has been happening to me.” -Diane

“Thank you Kristen for all that you do. Your work has been and is an integral inspiration and influence to my awakening and recovery. I can’t thank you enough!” -Cheryl

“I’ve loved your website it has been the most accurate portrayal of my life, experiences and traumas in my relationship of the past 3 1/2 years. I’ve poured the internet looking for an understanding/ explanation of what I am going through and yours reflects it back to me as if you had led my recent life yourself. Thank you.” -Sue

“I just wanted to thank you for your writing… This has been the most difficult time in my life and I am just starting to have some good moments now. I have done extensive reading on the topic of narcissistic abuse and yours is the first that I’ve read which so perfectly encompasses what it’s like to have one of these relationships. I have been working on my shame and humiliation through therapy and reading. Your writing has definitely helped me by making me feel less shame and realizing that I am not the pathological one, he is. Thank you so much!” -Ann

“I love the way Kristen writes – She picks apart emotion and describes the devastation of having been with a narcissist. An experience hard to relate to or describe unless you have been through it.” -Vesta

“I just wanted to say that I think this site is amazing. You get to the heart of these ‘ne’er do wells’… Thank you for your work.” -Kim

“I want to thank you for giving me strength to get through my breakup with a narcissist. I didn’t even know how to categorize it until I started reading your articles. You’ve given me peace of mind in my attempts to move past what’s been a hard couple of years. All the best to you.” -Chris

“Thanks for the booklet!! Very valuable information that explains such a major force that I personally have battled off and on for almost 30 years!!… I just want to thank you with all my heart for putting a name on this for me! Seriously, you have provided me with miracle status enlightenment by your hard work exposing the truth! Much love.” -Carolyn

“Your work, your information shared in your articles is absolutely incredible. I have been studying for over 3 and a half years about the malignant narcissist. I read today about the most dangerous stage being the love bombing stage. I want to heal and then help others like you do. I needed to read what you wrote. Thank you for the incredible courage and hard work. You make me very proud. To many writers want your money. You give of your soul either total truth and it hasn’t cost a penny.” -Taylor

“Kristen I am so thankful to you for all your write ups. Six months of reading them again and again and I understood where I stand. And today this article I did exactly this to break myself free. Despite all the pain he was inducing in me I would take him back every time he came back and would always be there for him whenever he needed my body my money. But then I insulted and humiliated him with facts though in front of his so called wife. I know he has covered it up with her and is living with her, but he has left me alone. His wife thinks it’s a victory over me. I only pray her wellbeing. But you have sailed me through. There is no pain now and I am blossoming into someone happier each day and releasing what all I had given up for that man. God bless you.” – Etka

“Don’t know what I would do without your site. That is all I can say right now. You are my life line. So much gratitude.” -Mary

“I just wanted to thank you, I have been unknowingly involved with a narcissist on and off for the past 15 years. I tried to figure him out but obviously was never able to. You have opened my eyes and set me free, thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your knowledge. This is abuse, pure and simple.” -Cindy

“Hi Kristin, please keep writing your articles, they are so important and helpful in my recovery. You understand it all so well. Many thanks x” -Jacqui

“Hi. I’m very thankful for your blog. First and foremost, I’m not crazy! Thank you for that. At the moment, what I’m reading on here is helping to guide me as I access my narcissist husband and understand what I’ve been going through. Having the information that your blog provides is priceless, for many reasons. The fact that I’m not crazy is good to know. The fact that there is a real term to describe my husband and terms/definitions describing what he’s done to me has made me cry from relief. I now have help to guide me through this horrible period of life, along with providing hope for my future. Thank you for that.” -Kelly

“Just wanted to reach out and send a kind word… and say that I read some of your writtings on narcissists (just stumbled onto them while in pinterest) and thank you for such spot on writing. … It’s something I’ve done a lot of research on bc of personal experiences (I’m sure you can guess) but just holy cow.. your writings help to solidify things more in my mind that I have personally endured and have been thinking and thinking on for sooooo long. It’s not something I’d want to let the world know about right now. But man it hits home and hard! I’m in a good and happy healthy relationship as of now. But man.. the crap I went through was hell on earth.” -Meagan

“I just wanted to tell you how much this [article] resonated with me and how it made me feel that I wasn’t alone. Thank you for that.”

“It was your site (I happen to come across one day) that finally set off the biggest and final lightbulb for me…after many articles and videos that kept resonating with me but still felt disbelief. There was something really profound to your posts, everything that didn’t make sense made too much sense….especially the one about the three areas…I can’t recall the name. I believe the information on your site gives such a good wide spectrum view of all types, it even brought me full circle to having met many…unfortunately…and starting in childhood. Thank you again for helping so many and myself included!!” -Lisa