Category: Narcissist Abuse Recovery

When we talk about narcissistic abuse, we’re talking about something that happened to our minds, something that people can’t see. I’ve found that sometimes, by using metaphors and ideas from popular culture, it’s easier to explain to people who have not experienced a relationship with like this one what the relationship was like or why it hurt so much. Even then, however, I have still found myself asking the question, should  I tell people I was abused by a narcissist? As a general rule, the answer I’ve come up with is “no,” but the reasons are many.  There are times, however,...

Recovering from an abusive relationship brings on a roller coaster of emotions. For me, it has brought on a lot of guilt and anxiety about how it has impacted my other relationships. It’s one thing to write about it so openly, knowing others who have been through the same thing will read it and relate to it. It’s another thing to talk about it with people I’m close to who haven’t experienced it, unsure of how they will react. I’ve often found myself at a loss for how to explain or even share what I’ve been through in those situations.  Yet...

I know how bad you want to get revenge. But what’s the worst thing you can do to a narcissist? Believe me, I know. You’re wondering. You’re probably not even a vengeful person! If you were, you probably wouldn’t be here because a narcissist would have found you an undesirable partner. So where has all of this come from? What do you do with all of these feelings? There’s some sort of indignity in everything you’re going through right now. So many emotions, so much loss. It’s not just that they lie. It’s not just that they cheat. It’s not...

Jackson MacKenzie saved my life. Okay, maybe it wasn’t quite that extreme, but his book, Psychopath Free, kept me going in some dark moments. His website was one of the first that I found and spent time on in the aftermath of the initial “unmasking.” You know what I’m talking about. The revelation (or series of revelations, in my case) that showed me that something was terribly wrong in my past relationship. Psychopath Free is a classic in the literature on narcissistic abuse. Let me count the ways: His original list of 30 Red Flags for Spotting Toxic People from the book (and website)...

“You used to wrap yourself in fairy tales like a blanket, but it was the cold that you loved. Sharp shivers as you uncovered the corpses of Bluebeard’s wives. Sweeter goosebumps as Prince Charming slid one glass slipper over your little toes. A perfect fit. “But by the schoolyard, real princesses floated by you on fall winds. You saw the gulf between you and rich girls, and vowed to stop believing in fairy tales. But the stories were in you, deep as poison. “If Prince Charming was real, if he could save you, you needed to be saved from the...

Being in a relationship with a narcissist exposed me to massive amounts of pain that were difficult to explain. There was sadness, grief, loneliness, confusion, fear, anger, humiliation, shame. This emotional roller coaster is one you should never experience in a healthy relationship with someone who claims to love you.   While in the middle of it and even after I went no contact, it often felt like I had lost so much–parts of myself, friends, time, my ability to focus on anything good in my life, the illusion that he was looking out for me and that he was the partner...

Getting over a narcissist is one of the hardest things we ever have to do in our lives. My narcissist ex-boyfriend was the first man that I ever really loved. For me, overcoming the abuse I suffered at his hands meant understanding why that fact mattered so much. It’s not because took advantage of it, although he did. And it’s not because it seems ridiculously naive or hyperbolic, although it may. It’s because I have to trace back why. Why was he the first? Why then and why him? It wasn’t as if he was my first boyfriend. I’d been...