Category: Narcissist Abuse Recovery

One of the most difficult things I’ve had to figure out recently is how to set boundaries again after my abusive relationship ended.  It took me a long time to realize how my ex-boyfriend had dismantled the boundaries I did have. He was able to use to his advantage the confusing misconceptions I had adopted about boundaries. What are Personal Boundaries? Boundaries are our standards for what treatment we expect from others and the behavior that we will not tolerate because it violates our human rights. For example, boundaries can include the rights to make independent decisions; to have our...

What many people often fail to understand about leaving an abusive relationship is that it isn’t the end of the pain. It’s only the beginning of a new kind of pain, as recovery begins and we start to fully recognize everything we’ve lost. We also begin to understand what we’ve gained. Gaining something, however, can be painful too at first because it means something has changed and that we can never go back to the way things once were. There is a saying about change, that there are two types:  change that you initiate yourself and change that is imposed upon you.  Abusive...

When we talk about narcissistic abuse, we’re talking about something that happened to our minds, something that people can’t see. I’ve found that sometimes, by using metaphors and ideas from popular culture, it’s easier to explain to people who have not experienced a relationship with like this one what the relationship was like or why it hurt so much. Even then, however, I have still found myself asking the question, should  I tell people I was abused by a narcissist? As a general rule, the answer I’ve come up with is “no,” but the reasons are many.  There are times, however,...

Recovering from an abusive relationship brings on a roller coaster of emotions. For me, it has brought on a lot of guilt and anxiety about how it has impacted my other relationships. It’s one thing to write about it so openly, knowing others who have been through the same thing will read it and relate to it. It’s another thing to talk about it with people I’m close to who haven’t experienced it, unsure of how they will react. I’ve often found myself at a loss for how to explain or even share what I’ve been through in those situations.  Yet...

I know how much you want to get revenge. But what’s the worst thing you can do to a narcissist? Believe me, I know. You’re wondering. You’re probably not even a vengeful person! If you were, you probably wouldn’t be here because a narcissist would have found you an undesirable partner. So where has all of this come from? What do you do with all of these feelings? There’s some sort of indignity in everything you’re going through right now. So many emotions, so much loss. It’s not just that they lie. It’s not just that they cheat. It’s not...

Jackson MacKenzie saved my life. Okay, maybe it wasn’t quite that extreme, but his book, Psychopath Free, kept me going in some dark moments. His website was one of the first that I found and spent time on in the aftermath of the initial “unmasking.” You know what I’m talking about. The revelation (or series of revelations, in my case) that showed me that something was terribly wrong in my past relationship. Psychopath Free is a classic in the literature on narcissistic abuse. Let me count the ways: His original list of 30 Red Flags for Spotting Toxic People from the book (and website)...

“You used to wrap yourself in fairy tales like a blanket, but it was the cold that you loved. Sharp shivers as you uncovered the corpses of Bluebeard’s wives. Sweeter goosebumps as Prince Charming slid one glass slipper over your little toes. A perfect fit. “But by the schoolyard, real princesses floated by you on fall winds. You saw the gulf between you and rich girls, and vowed to stop believing in fairy tales. But the stories were in you, deep as poison. “If Prince Charming was real, if he could save you, you needed to be saved from the...