When we are in relationships with narcissists, we are constantly trying to figure out how to change course. Anything other than go “no contact.” For example, if we could just explain to them how their behavior is hurting us, then perhaps they would stop.  Things never align. We never reach the elusive dream of a loving relationship characterized by honesty and respect. Instead, we find ourselves becoming weaker and more exhausted trying to do things that are beyond the bounds of what we should be expected to give. It’s a merry-go-round we either ride until we’re sick or that we...

It was the question that I could not answer:  Did he ever care about me? Can narcissists love you?  I would lie awake at night and wonder how he could have looked at me the way he had if he did not love me.  When love is a lie, can people fake enlarged pupils and do they look at you with their lips slightly parted, as if they are dying of thirst and you are a pool of endless water?  Do you look into their eyes and see yourself reflected back like rays of gold illuminating a forgotten darkness?  Do...

0If you’re with a narcissist, you may be dreading the holidays. You may already be familiar with some of the ways they try to ruin any festive or fun plans you’ve tried to make.  [Read: How Narcissists Ruin Holidays: It’s Not Your Imagination] Here are some ways to survive the narcissist during the holiday season and make it through to the next year with your sanity intact. Even if you’re in no-contact, it’s important to keep in mind that holidays are a prime season for trying to pull ex-partners back into the web. Therefore, I’ve included a special section on how...

Narcissists ruin holidays and make what should be a joyful time of year into a time of tears and anxiety–and sometimes even fear.  The holidays can be a painful time of year for people who are in relationships with narcissists. It can feel as if no matter how your relationship has been going with them before the holidays even start, they can find a way to use this time of year to cause additional pain. By taking advantage of the cultural norms and expectations surrounding holidays or the disruption to normal routines, they can find creative ways to hurt and...

As survivors of narcissistic abuse, we all have a story about the day everything changed, the day our relationship went from a fairy tale to a nightmare. Maybe the relationship had been slowly fading into a painful, confusing reality for a long time. Inevitably, however, there came a time for all of us when we realized that something is just not right. Our partners seem to be lacking something crucial. It’s as if they knew their actions would cause us pain but did it anyway. The behavior may even seem premeditated or intentional, as if they enjoy the idea that...

If you’re looking for books on narcissism or narcissistic abuse recovery, below you’ll find a list of the classics, as well as some of the newest releases. The resources are listed here in no particular order. Click on a book to learn more about it and read on for how you can get an audiobook copy for free.   Finally, you’ll find a list of websites and phone numbers belonging to foundations and agencies to which you can reach out for assistance. Want the audiobook version of one of these books for free? Try Audible for free for 30 days and...

Many survivors have had the unfortunate experience of being in multiple relationships with narcissists. Even one short relationship with a toxic partner can really wound your heart and make you apprehensive about love.   However, thanks to wonderful things like neuroplasticity, therapy, mindfulness, prayer, family, and friends, both the heart and mind can heal. It is a process and healing looks different for everyone so be gentle and kind to yourself on this journey.   For once, I decided to take my own advice and take a year off from dating and I want to share with you all that...