Notes From Kristen



Hello.  My name is Kristen Milstead.

I started this blog on a whim at the end of 2017 because I had too many thoughts about this crazy relationship I had been in. There were not enough hours in the day for anyone in the world to sit down and listen to me talk about it and unravel the mess that was left in my head because of it.  So one day I just started a blog and put a post online about how I was feeling.  It was a way to try to start taking my own life back and healing from what had happened to me in the relationship. So here’s what you should know:

1. I’m a writer, researcher, and have since become a strong advocate who is passionate about empowering people who have been in psychologically and emotionally abusive relationships and about raising awareness about hidden abuse.

2. I’m also still recovering from my abusive relationship.  For almost four years, I was in a relationship with someone whose behavior fits the pattern of that of a malignant narcissist. During this time, I thought I was going crazy. I experienced the most intense love and the worst betrayal and psychological pain I have ever felt.

3. There are many excellent blogs and resources about narcissism, what causes it, and how to heal from it if you’ve been targeted by one.  I will not attempt to duplicate those here.  In this blog, I write about the ongoing quest to process the experience and fit it into the context of my life as I now live it in the aftermath of the relationship.  I also try to add to the theories that already exist and develop new language and concepts to talk about this type of abuse, where I can, and it seems helpful. I figure that whatever helps me recover and understand might help other people too.

4. This blog is and was always intended to be a dynamic record of my healing journey.  It is playing out in real time. The very act of even writing these articles is changing how I think and is helping me recover, so my thoughts on the same subjects have been changing as I figure things out and get better.    

5. What all of this means for readers is that there are three different types of posts on the blog that range from very personal to mostly detached:

  • Personal experience posts provide details about what being in a relationship with a narcissist or recovering from one feels like with little to no expository information or comments
  • Posts that reflect on my personal experience try to put experiences into context by describing how I feel about what happened or the effects it had
  • Posts that use research (sometimes in combination with personal experience) to explain narcissistic abuse or develop new theories about it or how to recover from it

6. By sharing what I went through and how I am recovering, I hope to contribute my voice to the millions of other survivors of narcissistic abuse, give hope to those who are not as far along in the process of recovery as I am, and provide an example of what these relationships are like for people who haven’t been through one.

7. Apart from my blog, I have also started to become more of an active writer about narcissistic abuse at online publications such as Thought Catalog, Your Tango, and The Bolde and various psychology websites. I am currently working on a series of books that tie together the motivations of narcissists with the effects of their behavior to describe some of their more inexplicable behavior in an easy-to-digest way and how to use that information to move out of emotional turmoil and into your new life.  I am also working on some other more hands-on resources to support survivors of narcissistic abuse, ones that I wished I would have had when I was a little less further along in my journey of recovering from the relationship.  There are a lot of excellent resources out there already– ones that helped me immensely. I just want to do everything I can to keep filling in gaps to make narcissistic abuse a more well-known phenomenon. No one should have to come out of one of these relationships feeling alone or like they have to stay lost and hopeless for years.  

8. And finally… I also have a graduate degree in Sociology and my primary areas of focus were criminology, gender, and sexual assault. I never expected to find myself in this situation, but now that I am, I want to use my combined education and experience to help others as I myself recover from my own experience.

If this is your first time here, a few notes about the website organization:

  • The newest posts will always be at the top of the home page under Recent Posts
  • The most popular categories are displayed under the newest posts.
  • Categories are organized into topical subjects, such as “Defining Narcissistic Abuse,” “Healing and Recovery,” and “Tactics of Abuse and Control.”  A list of all categories can be found at the bottom of the homepage.
  • In the “Archives” at the bottom of the page, posts can be displayed in by the date they were posted in each month and year.

A few of my most popular posts include:


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Thank you for taking the time to visit my website.


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