Living Through and Recovering From a Relationship with a Narcissist

Main Menu
9 Home » Narcissist Abuse Tactics » Word Salad: How and Why Narcissists Try to Confuse You in Conversations

Word Salad: How and Why Narcissists Try to Confuse You in Conversations

Some of the most destructive things that happen to us in our relationships with narcissists happen in our conversations with them.

Their conversational tactics are known as “word salad.” The narcissistic abuse dictionary defines word salad as:

“Circular language tactics narcissists use to ensure that conversations with others never have satisfactory resolutions for the other party; can include projection, stonewalling, blameshifting, sympathy ploys, bringing up something the partner did, bringing up unrelated issues, starting the conversation over, and others.”

The purpose of word salad is to use our words against us. By using these circular conversational tactics, they manage to both convince us and others that we are at fault for what’s going wrong in the relationship and they manage to deprive us of a voice. 

How is that even possible? 

They do it by denying us to our right to have an opinion, emotion or thought that is a reaction to anything they have done.

Every interaction is designed to distract, punish, or demean us until we give up and accept their version of reality using a combination of these emotionally abusive methods

Over time, the more often we do this, the more compliant we become until the narcissist can get away with anything.  

whispering

Conversations From Hell: The Basic Set-Up

It goes like this.

Perhaps you have questions or concerns. When you bring them to the narcissist, you are not given straight answers or you are lied to directly.

If you continue to request a respectful conversation in which you are given the answers you deserve, the narcissist may escalate the conversation using multiple forms of distraction or deflection, or even tell you the topic is off-limits. 

Or perhaps it is the narcissist who starts the conversation.

He or she may say something inflammatory out of the blue. Maybe you just said or did something the narcissist didn’t like or he or she made something up out of thin air and started a fight with you over it that you’ll never be able to win.

In either example, the narcissist refuses to engage in a rational discussion with you about it and nothing you say seems to matter.

For example, if you defend yourself or ask them to stop, they use it as proof that you’re guilty.

No matter who started the conversation, the narcissist doesn’t seem to care what you have to say and has no interest in coming to a mutually satisfying resolution.

But it’s not over.

You have insisted on having rational conversation about it and treated with respect. You are understandably confused and cannot accept the narcissist’s version of reality. It’s baffling!

Shannon Thomas, a trauma therapist who treats narcissistic abuse survivors, says in her book Healing from Hidden Abuse: 

“When a survivor tries to talk to a psychological abuser about their negative behaviors, a favorite maneuver of toxic people is to simply not reply… When a survivor asks why they didn’t reply, the toxic person will spin the situation and say something like, “I am not going to argue with you.” Can you see what just happened? The survivor was blamed for causing drama, or an argument, and the toxic person never addressed their behaviors.”

Because you wanted to have a rational discussion, because you would not accept their version of events, you are blamed by the narcissist for causing conflict. You would not “let it go.”

The narcissist punishes until you back down and agree that you did something wrong or let them tell you that you are a bad person–or whatever it was they accused you of during the course of the discussion.

Often, if you do just give up and agree, the narcissist begins to shower you with love once again.

As the relationships go on, partners of narcissists learn to walk a line that language divides.  Conversations become the flashpoint for keeping the peace.

We can either adopt a pathological worldview in which we are to blame for causing problems by “talking,” yet the narcissist is not at fault for wrongdoing– or we can continue to speak up and be further shamed, threatened and abused.

Tactics Used in Word Salad

Below are a few of the tactics you may recognize if you find yourself in one of these conversations. It’s important to recognize and name the type of emotional abuse that you encounter.

The definitions for these terms come from the narcissistic abuse dictionary.

    • Blameshifting. This is the act of avoiding responsibility for an act of wrongdoing by claiming that the act would not have occurred but for the actions of someone else (or something else, such as alcohol, youth, stress, or other external factors).  
    • Crazy-making.  A general term used to describe tactics used that over time cause self-doubt, confusion and that result in the victim questioning reality.  Examples of how it can occur are when the narcissist’s actions don’t match his or her words, when he or she gaslights or lies about his or her actions or what has been said, and when he or she refuses to discuss problems in the relationship in a constructive manner.
    • Dosing.  The act of providing morsels of positive attention after the cruel phase has begun to keep the victim strung along.
    • Double standards.  Narcissists often have two sets of rules:  one for themselves and one for everyone else, as they think they are entitled to special treatment. They will often have high standards for honesty and fidelity among those they choose for partners but have no intentions of adhering to these standards themselves.
    • Gaslighting A form of manipulation where the narcissist denies, provides conflicting information or outright lies over and over again in direct contradiction to what another person can blatantly perceive using his or her own five senses.
    • Intermittent Reinforcement. This is a pattern of behavior in which the narcissist randomly intersperses kindness between acts of cruelty. Psychological research demonstrates this is an especially powerful tactic. Because the partner never knows when the narcissist will show kindness, the randomness of the benevolence is one of the most critical forces that keep him or her tied to the relationship, hoping each time that the cruelty has come to an end for good.
    • Pathological lying. Lying that is done compulsively out of habit. It may not always seem to personally benefit the liar. It is known to be a common characteristic of many narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths.  Sometimes, it is thought that they may engage in the lying for control or even enjoyment, in what is known as “duper’s delight.”
    • Projection. This is a defense mechanism narcissists commonly use to avoid their own feelings of shame caused by their negative behaviors. It occurs when they accuse partners of the things they themselves have done.
    • Silent Treatment. A period of non-responsiveness in which the narcissist disappears and treats the partner as if he or she doesn’t exist. The narcissist implements it as a form of punishment if a partner engages in a behavior that the narcissist doesn’t like.
    • Stonewalling. Refusal to engage in a conversation or provide information or other resources as a form of punishment for bringing up topics that a narcissist doesn’t like.
    • Victim-BlamingThe act of blaming or partially blaming the victim for the act of harm that has befallen him or her. Narcissists often use blameshifting statements to avoid taking responsibility for their abuse, such as stating that their partner was not caring or understanding enough, or was critical or reacted in a certain way, or left or did not give him or her a chance to change.  

What makes these tactics particularly difficult to deal with is that the narcissist will not just choose one and stick with it. He or she will alternate back and forth between them seamlessly in the same conversation as you ask different questions. 

This is what makes the conversation even more mind-boggling and irrational. 

This is why you eventually give up — you’re exhausted.

Psychopath Free: Recognizing Word Salad

Jackson MacKenzie, a renowned author on the topic of narcissistic abuse, explains in his book Psychopath Free that conversations are a primary method narcissists use to erode the identities of their partners.

These conversations condition their partners that they are not allowed to speak about the behavior of the narcissists or even normal relationship concerns without horrendous repercussions and threats to end the relationship. 

I believe that his book contains the origin of the term “word salad” as it is applied to abusive relationships with narcissists. He lists the following nine warning signs that you’re in one of these dialogues.  

As you will notice, some of them correspond with the tactics narcissists use. They also go beyond them, however, to describe the interactions themselves.

They describe the narcissist’s body language, how you may feel as the conversation is taking place, and the types of things you may find yourself saying.   

1. Circular Conversations 

You feel as if you’ve resolved something in the conversation, and then a few minutes later you’re talking about it again as if the narcissist didn’t hear any of the arguments you made. They argue their own same points again and again as if they’re in their own reality where they can’t hear you or your words don’t register.

2. Bringing Up Your Past Wrongdoings and Ignoring Their Own

If you mention any of their bad behavior, they will bring up something you have done to distract you and put you on the defensive. It may or may not even be relevant. This is a form of distraction in the conversation. 

3. Condescending and Patronizing Tone

They will remain calm during the conversation. Yet you will become increasingly confused and bewildered as the circular conversation devolves into irrational territory and they act as if they don’t hear you or acknowledge what you’re saying.

When you react in exasperation, they respond as if you’re being unreasonable and use your reaction against you, claiming you’re out of control or escalating things.

4. Accusing You of Doing Things That They Themselves Are Doing.

As the conversation starts to escalate, the narcissist will start to project their bad behavior onto you.  Once you have to spend time defending yourself, suddenly the spotlight is off of what they have done.

5. Multiple Personas

The narcissist will use a variety of tactics and show a variety of sides. You may see anger and insults, tenderness, or they may play the victim card.

All of these tactics, regardless of whether the narcissist acts in a friendly, neutral or hostile way toward you, all serve the interests of the narcissist.

Even if the narcissist appears conciliatory, it’s because that’s what the narcissist perceives will work at the time and may change their behavior again at any moment.

6. The Eternal Victim

The narcissist will often offer reasons for their behavior that lead back to something bad that’s happened to them.

7. You Begin Explaining Basic Human Emotions

You may find yourself having to describe how doing the things they have done hurt you and why, and the basic foundations of a relationship like respect and honesty. You think if you can communicate these things, they will stop.

8. Excuses

The narcissist almost always blames others for the things they do or makes other excuses. They may blame alcohol, their youth, unfair or biased treatment from others, or you.

Yet they will not and cannot just own up to what they have done, express genuine remorse and correct course.

9. “What in the World Just Happened?” 

You leave the conversations feeling drained and as if nothing was accomplished, or as if you accepted a mediocre answer or you are being diminished as the time goes on because you can’t seem to get anything resolved.

Over time, you dread asking about anything because you know it will open up one of these conversations in which you may be attacked–or even that the relationship may suddenly end without warning.

You’ve been conditioned.

The internet is a playground for narcissists, where they use social media for narcissistic supply, smear campaigns, hoovering, triangulating you and more.

A Word Salad Example in Conversation

Studying exactly what these conversations look like can help to shed light on the tactics they use to try to avoid giving partners what they want in the conversations:  answers, validation, acknowledgment, apologies, concessions, or promises.

I offer the example below of a conversation that my ex-boyfriend and I had over text messages at one point. 

In this conversation, I was confused about why he kept coming back to hoover me into a relationship with him only to then treat me so horribly not long afterward.

This was not long before we went no contact, but the fact that his actions did not match his words was really difficult for me to grasp and I wanted to understand his motivations.

Because of the different ways that he responded to what I asked, it took over two hours to have this conversation.  I feared the entire time that he would suddenly get angry and begin insulting me or cut off the conversation.

I had a feeling of anxiety and dread in my body the entire time, but I needed answers so badly, I had to ask.

*  *  *  *  *

Me:  Can I ask a question? A serious one that I really want to know the answer to… Why do you still want to see me?  What do you feel like you get out of it?

Him:  Peace. Happiness. It makes me alive n happy. Why do u wanna see me and what do u get out of it? Ur the love of my life Kristen believe it or not.  

Me:  You say I’m the love of your life and yet you’re so mean sometimes about petty things… and you walk out or act unkind for such small reasons.  How does that cherish our time together?  How does that make you happy?

Him:  I haven’t done that in a while. 

Me:  Well like three weeks.  And we’ve only seen each other like twice since the last time it did happen.

Him:  Yes cuz I don’t drive and u know that, so it’s hard to come see u more than once a week.  U haven’t seen me either and haven’t answered my question.  I can ask u the same thing. Why didn’t you come to see me?   

Me: No you missed the point. You said you hadn’t done it in a while and my point was that there were only two opportunities that we have even been together for it to happen.  What do you mean I haven’t seen you either?

Him:  You have seen me 3 times in the past 2 weeks not 2. 

Me:  I don’t think so but it doesn’t matter.  Two or three doesn’t change my point overall. 

Him: Yes I get the point.  Yes we haven’t had opportunities for me to walk out.

Me: Okay so why do you say so many things to tell me how much you love me and want to be around me but your actions don’t match it?  That’s why I wanted to know what you get out of it.  That’s all I was trying to say.

Him:  Yeah.  Your actions don’t either sometimes. 

Me:  No, but I never start anything though.

Him: Yeah. Can we not argue please?  I’m really tired tonight after all this training. 

Me:  I’m fine with that.

Him:  Okay thanks.

Me: To avoid an argument you shouldn’t change the subject so we don’t get off on tangents instead of just responding to what I said.

Him: Well I have answered my question why don’t you answer now?  I have already admitted my actions don’t match so what else am I avoiding?

Me: Like I asked you a question and your response was “Your actions too sometimes.”  Okay, that can be discussed, but that’s not what I asked.  That is an example.

Him: I have already answered your questions you asked when you asked them the first time and now you’re asking me more and more and I don’t want to answer any more of your questions cuz I’m really tired and still in the car trying to go home and shower and stuff. You asked 2 questions and I have answered them. And on the other hand you didn’t answer mine.  🙂

Me:  You didn’t actually answer my question. I didn’t ask anything about admitting actions. My question is still the same because your answer didn’t fit with reality.  What you said you got out of our time together didn’t make sense.

Him:  Yes it’s the answer believe it or not

Me: I asked you why do you say so many things to tell me how much you love me and want to be around me but your actions don’t match it?

Him: Now I know you think I don’t love u or care about u  🙂

Me: In other words, I’m asking how can you get peace and happiness out of being with me when the reality is that your actions make it hard for either of us to have peace or happiness… why wouldn’t you avoid doing things that would put an end to those things or make me think you didn’t care?  I don’t know what to think.

Him:  OK I get it… lol don’t think

Me: You get what?  Why are you laughing?

Him: Cuz it’s funny how u don’t think I love u that’s why

Me: I said I didn’t know what to think.  There’s a difference.  And no it isn’t funny…

Him:  Okay

Me:  I’m dead serious when I tell you if you want people to know you love them you don’t hurt them unprovoked or make them feel unimportant.

Him:  Yes, I did some f***ed up things and they weren’t right. Now I’m sorry but what I feel for you is real or else I’d be gone.

Me: Okay.  Why do you still do them?  Like lie and yell and say mean things?  If you love me so much.  That’s what I always wanted to know.

Him:  Yelling and saying mean things when I’m drunk… you have done things drunk too.

Me: Please don’t change the subject.  And anyway yes sometimes you do them when you’re drunk but sometimes not.

Him:  I’m not changing no subject.

Me:  It isn’t ever right of me to retaliate but I don’t just start things.

Him: Look did I only do bad things to you?  We aren’t together anymore and I think about the good times only.  That’s why I sent you that song last night but I think you just don’t think I ever did anything good.

Me:  Yes I do.  I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t.  Who would stick around just for someone to mistreat them?  It’s the fact that you also treated me well that keeps me here.  So the fact that there was both makes it so confusing and that’s what I’m trying to talk to you about.

Him:  Well I think I did more for you than any other girlfriend I had.

Me:  Yes I believe that.  That’s what your friends and some of your exes told me too.  Maybe you don’t know why you did what you did.  Maybe because you never trusted me and still don’t.

Him:  My past that’s why. Can we stop arguing?

At this point in the conversation, I was exhausted.

As I said, I had also feared he would explode at any moment and stop talking to me and perhaps even end our interactions altogether over me asking a question. 

I accepted his statement from him that the reasons why his actions and words didn’t match was because he had a past that led him not to trust people, although it was me who had brought it up and his past about being a victim of cheating, I had learned, was questionable.

Why Narcissists Never Give You What You Want in Conversations

H.G. Tudor, a self-aware narcissist who writes about relationships from a narcissist’s point of view, explains how narcissists think about these conversations differently than we do in his article, “Why Are the Arguments Never Resolved?

When we as non-narcissists get the word salad in these conversations, we attempt to align our narratives with the narcissists to settle on a version of reality that mirrors what we have experienced.

For example, we may wish to have the narcissist acknowledge something or apologize or stop doing something.  This is what happens when two non-narcissists have conversations–they are attempting to come to an agreement.

“The victim does not know that they are in a romantic entanglement with a narcissist… Both have entirely different aims,” Tudor says.

Narcissists have no interest in coming to a resolution that benefits both people, because:

  1. It would be giving up superiority and control to admit a wrong.
  2. They can’t openly admit their cruel behavior was executed without any thoughts about how it would hurt us or even that it was intentionally done to hurt us because it doesn’t benefit them to show us their remorselessness.
  3. They gain narcissistic supply from our confusion and pain.

If they started the argument to gain supply– perhaps by accusing you of something that didn’t happen–when they have had enough, they will end it abruptly by a change of subject or something else.

If it was us who started the conversation by asking a question, such as in my example above, the narcissist will use deflection tactics hoping that we will end the conversation. 

Those tactics often won’t work because they don’t align with our reality or achieve the goals of the conversation we set out to achieve.

The narcissist is not agreeing that any statements we are making have truth to them so we can then build on them to have a conversation. Instead, he or she has crazy-making verbal interactions with us so nothing is ever settled.

“Even when the narcissist’s aims are achieved and he halts the manipulation, the victim still understandably believing the matter to be unresolved, keeps going. This causes the narcissist to respond to the challenge and then the narcissist sees the victim as maintaining an argument unnecessarily,” Tudor says.

Narcissists, not interested in our goals as non-narcissists within the conversation, will then find a way to end it, usually by stonewalling or even leaving.

Conversations with narcissists are like being in a maze where you try to stay on the right path toward the exit, however, the narcissist constantly drags you down one more dead-end hoping you’ll get lost and give up.

The way to fight back is to understand that we can never get what we need out of these conversations.

Instead, we can refuse to give up our own reality and use our voices to speak our truth, while knowing that we don’t need the narcissist to validate it.

 

Want more? Get more articles like this one delivered straight to your inbox. 


 

 
 

Don’t forget to check out these free resources:

 

Sources

MacKenzie, Jackson. 2015. Psychopath FreePenguin Group, LLC.

Thomas, Shannon. 2016. Healing from Hidden Abuse. MAST Publishing House.

Tudor, H.G. 2018. “Why Are the Arguments Never Resolved?” Knowing the Narcissist. Accessed August 11, 2019 at https://narcsite.com/2018/06/27/why-are-the-arguments-never-resolved-5/

Kristen Milstead

Kristen Milstead is a narcissistic abuse survivor who has become a strong advocate for finding your unique voice and using it to help others find theirs.

9 Comments

  1. This was an interesting read, but something didn’t make sense in that conversation. Early on you have him saying he doesn’t drive:

    Him: Yes cuz I don’t drive and u know that, so it’s hard to come see u more than once a week.

    But then you have him saying this:

    Him: … I’m really tired and still in the car trying to go home and shower and stuff…

    So does he drive or not? That’s confusing. That’s not something someone can gaslight you about, he either drives or he doesn’t ,and it says you know that he doesn’t drive, so I don’t get it.

    1. Hi Rita. These are details that require a little more background. He had gotten a DUI and wasn’t supposed to drive. When we saw each other he would take Uber to come to my apt. But he was still driving locally to a couple of places although he wasn’t supposed. His gym was down the street from his house so he would still drive over there. -Kristen

  2. I’m now in a relationship with a narcissist who fits this article to a T, and the last relationship I had was with an equally narcissistic female, and the following is my surmation of who they are in rhyme form.
    Great info here, thanks!

    P
    YOU INFILTRATED MY LIFE, JUST TO RAPE MY MIND, YOU NEVER CARED, WERE JUST KILLING TIME, EMPTY AND RELENTLESS ARE 2 WORDS TO DESCRIBE, WHAT YOU PORTRAY AS LONELY AND PASSIONATE, BUT YOU’RE JUST COVERED UP LIES.
    DESPERATE AND SEEKING, SNEAKING AROUND AND FLEECING, CHURCH FOLK FOR THEIR SYMPATHY, ACTING BROKEN AND OBSEQUIOUSLY, YOU HOOK THEM, WITH YOUR TENDRILS OF FEIGNED COMPASSION, BUT INSIDE THE LASHING YOU’VE KEPT PENT UP, AGAINST YOURSELF,
    BUT YOU’LL NOT FEEL A SINGLE BLOW. RATHER EVERYBODY ELSE, IT’S JUST THE WAY IT GOES, YOU’LL SLATHER UP (SMEAR) THE NAMES OF THOSE WHO’VE LOVED U, AND IT’S ALL YOU’LL EVER KNOW.
    LEAVE THEM ACHING AND BREAKING, QUAKING IN DESPAIR, BUT YOU DON’T CARE, THIS IS JUST WHAT YOU DO. SLIP A LIP, DISPLACE A HIP, MAKE CHIPS AND DIP, CALL IT A MEAL, THEY GOT THEIR FILL,
    IS WHAT YOU SAY, THOUGH YOU PROMISED A PERFECTLY PREPARED ENTREE, OH WELL, PERHAPS ON ANOTHER DAY, AND YOU NEVER COME THROUGH, BUT HEY, THAT’S JUST YOU, DOING YOU.
    YEAH, THAT’S JUST YOU DOING YOU.
    SEDUCTION IS ALL YOU KNOW TO GAIN CONTROL, AND YOU DO IT VERY WELL, THIS HELL YOU SUBJECT THEM TO, BUT HEY, THAT’S JUST YOU DOING YOU.

    LIES, MANIPULATION, DOUBLE STANDARDS, TRIANGULATION, MONOGAMY IS WHAT YOU PREACH, BUT THREESOMES AND ORGIES IS WHAT YOU SEEK.
    NEVER WITHOUT AN ANSWER, TO THE QUESTIONS YOU’RE ALWAYS ASKED, AND NEVER WITHOUT A REASON, YOUR ANSWERS ARE ALWAYS MASKED, SHROUDED IN CONFUSION, AS TO HOW, WHO, WHERE, WHAT, WHY, AND WHEN, AND SOMEHOW MY CONVERSATION BECOMES A GAME, YOU MUST WIN.
    That ain’t cool, but it’s u.

    ALL OF THAT, LIKE YOU, IS BEHIND ME NOW, YET YOU KEEP ME HOLDING ON SOMEHOW, AND IT’S WRONG, COS I DON’T LIKE YOU, DON’T WANT TO FIGHT YOU, EXCITE, DELIGHT, ENTICE, ADVISE, EXCISE, I NEED TO EXORCISE U

    THAT’S ABOUT THE DEPTH YOU’VE LEFT, I’M BEREFT, AND LONGING FOR ANY OPEN DOOR LEADING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION, FROM THE PROJECTION, DEFLECTION, INSURRECTION, DECEPTION, AND CRUEL INTENTIONS, OTHERS FIND IT SO HARD TO BELIEVE COULD BE THE HEART OF YOUR EXISTENCE,
    BUT ONCE BEYOND THE WALL OF COGNITIVE DISSONANCE, IT’S INEVITABLE YOU’RE SEEN AS THE MEAN, VILE SERPENTINE, DEVILS WING, YOU TAKE FLIGHT THROUGH THE NIGHT JUST TO FIGHT TO KEEP UPRIGHT THE MASK CONCEALING WHO I’VE BEEN DEALING, WITH IN FRUSTRATION,

    BUT YOU HOLD ANSWERS, INCREDULOUS INTENTIONAL DISASTERS, ALL BY YOUR HAND, NOT BY CHANCE OR ACCIDENT, BUT THROUGH MALICE, AND MALEVOLENCE, YOU TWIST WORDS, AND WARP MINDS, ONCE AGAIN JUST KILLING TIME, FOR SPITE, NO IT’S ALL IN FUN, FOR YOU MOST DEFINITELY, BUT YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE.

    THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS TO SMILE, GETS TO LAUGH, ALL THE WHILE THE TRUTH INSIDE YOU, EVENTUALLY SHOWS, THE CONTEMPT, AND SELF LOATHING YOU MUST IMPOSE, UPON OTHERS, TO THEIR HARM, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE CHARM, UR SMILE FEIGNING TRUE, AS A GRIMACE FOLLOWS, SEEN ONLY BY FEW, THE PAIN SO DEEP, BUT UR TOO NUMB, TO COMPREHEND THE PLIGHT OF SOME,

    NOT SOME BUT ALL, YOU’VE INFLATED, DEFLATED, INCENSED, ENTRENCHED, ENMESHED, OBSESSED, ALL THIS, AND FOR WHAT, JUST A SLUT, A FACADE, A TRICK DECK OF CARDS, AN ILLUSION, ALLUSION, ALLOCUTION, PROSTITUTION, TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT, GOTTA HAVE AN IRON CONSTITUTION.

    IN ANY CASE, I’M TIRED, NO DESIRE, FED UP, HEADS UP, IS THE REASON I’M SENDING THIS OUT AS A TYPE OF WARNING TO THOSE IN MOURNING OVER A MIST, A VAPOR, JUST A REFLECTION, ORCHESTRATED TO SUCCEED IN THIS CAPER, TO STEAL THE SOUL OF THE EMPATHETIC, GENUINELY SYMPATHETIC,

    WITH MAGNETIC HARM, OOPS, I MEAN CHARM, NO I DON’T, I MEANT WHAT I SAID, LIKE I ALWAYS DO, AND YOUR NOTHING NEW, NOTHING TO FEAR, ONLY STEER CLEAR OF THE MAGICK, YEAH MAGICK WITH A K, CAUSE IF YOU EVER KNEW THE LORD, YOU DON’T TODAY, AND TO BE HONEST, IT’S SOMETHING YOU JUST CAN’T DO, BUT ONCE AGAIN, THAT’S JUST YOU DOING YOU.
    SEDUCTION IS ALL YOU KNOW TO GAIN CONTROL, AND YOU DO IT VERY WELL, THIS HELL YOU SUBJECT THEM TO, BUT HEY, THAT’S JUST YOU DOING YOU.
    SO, GO ON AND DO U, AIN’T NOBODY HERE WANTS TO, AND THAT’S JUST U DOING U AGAIN, AND AGAIN, I CALLED YOU FRIEND WITHOUT END, BUT LIKE ALWAYS YOU PLAYED ME FOR A FOOL, A TOOL, LIKE A BALL OF YARN OR THREAD ON A SPOOL, U TRAIN THE BRAIN TO THINK WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO, AND YOUR TO BLAME FOR THE SHAME OF THE GAME, THAT’S SO LAME, AND THEN YOU ACT SO TAME, POINTING FINGERS THAT LINGER, WHEN I FINALLY GET AN ATTITUDE, AND ONCE AGAIN THAT’S JUST YOU BEING YOU.
    telling others I’m just abjectly rude, cause you’d never divulge the truth, about you, and how obtuse, and out of touch you really are, you don’t travel far, cause you’re here now, and within these 4 walls, you’re a star,

    so you think, but you ain’t it, you ain’t the one, and hanging with you, you know it stopped being fun,

    and it’s been that way for a while now, ever since you betrayed me, I could see it in your smile now, over 2500 miles now, I went so far just to see that face, but you replaced me anyway, with no grace, straight face, common place, for ur kinda chase,

    but I have to say, it’s a sickness, I have to say, nothing left I accept, except an apology, I’m sure I’ll never get, as you forget to say anything to the one you were replacing and the one who sealed his doom, sealed his fate, on your first date,

    you got home late, knowing I would wait, always the trusting one, thinking you was out having good clean fun, man, I was such a fool, while you fill up the hours in your day, making excuses why you’re away, but you’re really just getting laid, every night and every day,

    got the nerve enough, that you ask of me to pray to keep you safe, now I know it’s just more and more traits, stacking up to show the disgrace that identifies you, but you lie about that too, and once again that’s just you doing you.

    That’s right, I said it, and I’ll say it until someone hears, I want to make that clear, you’re nothing, and even less to fear, got no more tears for u, no longer a fool, caught up in ur ruse, u called love, ur just rude, and I’ve had enough, but that’s just you doing you, I am of course disappointed, but it’s fading fast, can we discuss the aftermath, of not hearing your voice while you’re creating my mask, after you steal the words I say, in trying to help others feel okay, after your kind play the games they play, with sound minds, gentle, kind, refined, yet blind to your insanity, psychopathy, narcissistic urge needing to purge, and projecting the truth of who u are and how you feel onto loving sentient beings, and ur ass ain’t even real.

    Now I’m free to do me, with liberty, I ain’t got to worry about what you do or don’t see, cause I’ve finally reached that place, if and when I see your face, it reminds me of someone I thought I once loved, but I was too much, and at the same time I could never be enough,

    to fill the empty beast, as she feasts, on yet another one, but this time I just have to say, sorry son, I had to turn around and walked away, because, it just got real to me, she will never be, any of what she promised to be, not only not for me, but for anybody,

    it would have just taken charity, and others would’ve seen the reality of the real you, loving the real me, and we’d have gone from there, and the life we’d have shared to take our time, and to make you mine, but now, I’m gonna make… a brand new history,

    and God forbid u ever let them see the shit you pull, as you yo yo some poor soul, and you take control, again, just like the last time, damn…. I knew u didn’t change

    just changed the rules to the the same old game, added some players to entertain on ur stage, where you play life, play wife, grave site, sharp knife,

    but still you go on too stupid to catch on too dumb to run, so u sit, don’t give a shit, if this is it, than this is it, but before I go let me get one more hit of that shit.

    I’ve never done it, never made exception, in the midst of all your switchin, just like true grit, or any old western,

    I let you flip out, twist and shout, screaming like gwen stefani when she was no doubt, now you pout, that’s really what you’re about, any time you don’t get your way, you act like a child at their siblings birthday,

    and u say, it’s not fair, i don’t care, sit and stare from the corner in a chair, while the music blares from the brand new laptop, I just bought

    now you’ve got 2, no wait, my mistake that one makes four, and still you want more more more, never get enough, never give anything at all,, just watch me crawl, starving for attention, affection, can I get anything from you more than abject rejection, projection and deflection?

  3. Aprendí algo sobre estas conversaciones con mi narcisista personal, el me quitó mi voz, porque eso fue lo que aprendí mientras crecía. Usaré el enojo que me causa, recordar su abuso, para aprender a hablar y comunicarme otra vez. Sé que mi voz sigue con migo.

  4. I literally have had those same exact conversations. My question is, do they knowingly do this, or is this a learned behavior and they are all the same. It almost feels like it’s all text book behavior. I broke up with my narcissist but even last night received a text with the same conversation. (he’s blocked now).

  5. Kristen Milstead

    Hi Jacky: Can you take some steps to take some time away? When you are not around the narcissist, the fog goes away and you have a chance to think some on your own. I’ve got several articles here on things to try and steps to take. I know you have a voice inside you that you can listen to that wants to take steps to pull away, or else you wouldn’t be here. You have to let it guide you as much as you can, even if only for short amounts of time. That enables it to grow. Please stay safe. -Kristen

  6. Hi Kristen,

    Its so confusing the way they turn it around, i’m in a fog because of this and doubting myself.
    Its a very lonely place.

    Jacky

  7. Hi Kristen,

    Its so confusing the way they turn it around, i’m in a fog because of this and doubting myself.
    Its a very lonely place.

    Jacky

    1. Kristen Milstead

      Hi Jacky: Can you take some steps to take some time away? When you are not around the narcissist, the fog goes away and you have a chance to think some on your own. I’ve got several articles here on things to try and steps to take. I know you have a voice inside you that you can listen to that wants to take steps to pull away, or else you wouldn’t be here. You have to let it guide you as much as you can, even if only for short amounts of time. That enables it to grow. Please stay safe. -Kristen

Post a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.