Relationships with narcissists are not like normal relationships in so many different ways that it’s difficult to keep track. It’s no wonder that we’re left wondering why it’s so hard to get over narcissists once the relationships end. Putting the reasons into words, however, can help us to understand why it takes so long to get over the relationship so we can give ourselves more self-compassion as we work on moving on after narcissistic abuse. Twelve Reasons It’s So Hard to Get Over a Narcissist 1. The Relationships Are More Intense. Our lives were often lived on the edge....
What is verbal abuse? The idea itself seems pretty straight-forward. Yet everyone has said things in anger they regret. Everyone has also had their feelings hurt by the words of others. But are those words abusive? How can we tell the difference? I would argue that there is an intention behind abuse that differentiates it from other non-abusive words or behavior that may otherwise offend or hurt. With this in mind, verbal abuse can be described as the use of any form of communication to intentionally inflict psychological or emotional harm on someone, to manipulate his or her behavior, or...
If you’ve ever been in a situation where someone is verbally abusing you, you’ve probably had the urge to do one of four things: get away as soon as possible to avoid the abuse, smooth over the aggression, zone out or freeze up and wait for it to end, or fight back. These are normal human responses by our complex nervous system when it perceives danger, as described by Peter Walker in his book CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: “A fight response is triggered when a person suddenly responds aggressively to something threatening. A flight response is triggered when a...
There were many times when there was a voice inside of me wondering if it was my fault that my boyfriend verbally abused me. This, despite the fact that I knew it shouldn’t be happening. Sometimes the voice was just a whisper in the back of my mind. Sometimes it was an all-consuming shame melody playing on an endless loop in my tired brain. Sometimes it was just a simple “you should” sentence that slid its way into my thoughts as the look on someone else’s face reflected back to me what they were thinking when there was an “incident.” Why Victims Blame...
Jackson MacKenzie saved my life. Okay, maybe it wasn’t quite that extreme, but his book, Psychopath Free, kept me going in some dark moments. His website was one of the first that I found and spent time on in the aftermath of the initial “unmasking.” You know what I’m talking about. The revelation (or series of revelations, in my case) that showed me that something was terribly wrong in my past relationship. Psychopath Free is a classic in the literature on narcissistic abuse. Let me count the ways: His original list of 30 Red Flags for Spotting Toxic People from the book (and website)...