When we are in relationships with narcissists, we are constantly trying to figure out how to change course. Anything other than go no contact. For example, if we could just explain to the narcissist how his or her behavior is hurting us, then perhaps they would stop.  Things never align. We never reach the elusive place where they are fulfilling our psychological relationship needs in a way that each member of a normal couple does for one another. Instead, we find ourselves becoming weaker and more exhausted trying to do things that are beyond the bounds of what we should...

I have been called an inspiration, survivor and a great story. I think that description is a little exaggerated. I think every person in this world has it within them to wake up and take control of their story, it just depends on when you finally have had enough. I was a victim of terrible childhood abuse, that attracted extreme trauma from external situations (car accidents, broken bones, knife wounds), and coped by my addiction to alcohol. Which in turn, set me up for adult abuse from a narcissist and codependent relationship. When I "woke up" by finally having enough pain, I had three choices: 1. Kill myself 2. Continue to suffer through life and expect the bad 3. Take my external trauma and heal it internally. I chose option 3 and today, I am full of love and compassion towards all and for the first time accept and love myself truly who I am regardless of whats going on around me.

To be human is to know both joy and pain. Loss, suffering, grief, loneliness, and sadness are inescapable parts of the human condition that everyone experiences. Their ubiquity does not make them something that we should minimize or dismiss. These profound emotions and life experiences should not, however, be confused with living with PTSD.  It’s important to acknowledge that there is no linear timeline for grief or loss, “getting over” an event and everyone experiences loss and sometimes suffers.  Trauma stands apart from these other normalized parts of the human experience.  There are some experiences that are so psychologically damaging that,...

Did you ever wonder why the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood didn’t just kill the little girl when he found her in the first place? I mean, he’s a wolf. He can outrun her. And he has teeth. Why run ahead to grandmother’s house and play dress-up? The story of the wolf in sheep’s clothing is a story of a hidden predator. The predator walks among the sheep undetected because gaining the trust of the sheep first before attacking gets the wolf more for less effort. Have you found yourself in more than one narcissistic relationship?  I bet you’ve...

“You don’t own my body. You don’t own me.” When bachelorette Hannah Brown said those words to Luke Parker on the ABC series The Bachelorette this season, we knew things were flying off the rails. But it was what he said in response that warned us this wasn’t just the usual reality show drama–the relationship was heading into dangerous territory.   In the episode, Hannah had recently been on a date with one of the other men on the show in Riga, Latvia, during which the two of them had gone bungee jumping naked. When Luke heard about the date, he...

The Wicked Witch of the West dispatches them to do her evil deeds.  In fact, in the film The Wizard of Oz, the only purpose of flying monkeys is to carry out her commands. They’re so loyal, all she has to do is wave her arms around and demand something and, mindlessly, off they go to make it happen. Has she cast a spell over them?  Are they just as evil as she is?   At least in the film, we never learn. But they dwell with her in darkness and they do whatever she says. Does this sound familiar? The narcissist...

Can I get real with you for a few minutes? Can we have a talk? Is your relationship with the narcissist ending, but then not really? Are you still breaking up and then getting back together with the narcissist? Does he or she come back around every so often? Do you stay in touch with him or her, or keep the lines of communication open in the hopes that he or she will reach out? Forget about the past for a minute, and how he or she used to treat you at the beginning of the relationship. Let’s ignore in...