Getting over a narcissist is one of the hardest things we ever have to do in our lives. My narcissist ex-boyfriend was the first man that I ever really loved. For me, overcoming the abuse I suffered at his hands meant understanding why that fact mattered so much. It’s not because took advantage of it, although he did. And it’s not because it seems ridiculously naive or hyperbolic, although it may. It’s because I have to trace back why. Why was he the first? Why then and why him? It wasn’t as if he was my first boyfriend. I’d been...

Verbal abuse comes in many different forms and one that is often the easiest to spot is an abuser’s insults or put-downs. My ex-boyfriend did not hold back, issuing demeaning comments or labels meant to attack specific things about me, my life, or the people in it so that I would feel bad about myself and change my behavior in some way. His words were direct hits either on things I liked about myself or on things I was insecure about. Either way, however, he used his knowledge about me gained through the closeness to me earned early in the relationship to...

When I found out that my ex-boyfriend was leading multiple lives, the furthest thing from my mind was thinking about how to manipulate a narcissist. I was merely in shock and wanted to break up with him.  When I say that he was leading multiple lives, I mean the following: he was living with me and frequently mentioning marriage and adopting children with me in the future he was engaged to someone else he was still involved with an ex-girlfriend and discussing marriage and children with her he was on dating websites and had who knows how many women in...

Anyone can be a victim of a narcissist or psychopath. In fact, narcissists and psychopaths manipulate everyone in their social worlds to some degree. Narcissistic abuse recovery that truly gets at the heart of this fact is essential in getting over a narcissist and ultimately healing from narcissistic abuse. Whether you are recovering from a relationship with a narcissist or trying to leave one, these may be five of the most important questions you may ever ask yourself. Together, they may help you to see how you were drawn into the narcissist’s web so that you can find your way out– or keep...

In the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, after a couple goes through a bad breakup, each person in the relationship separately undergoes a medical procedure to have all memories of the other person entirely erased. I always thought this was such a fascinating concept. If you remove the memories of someone, what remains? If I grow and change through my interactions with others, does the changed version of myself remain if the other person ceases to exist in my world? Who do I become at that point? If I have been traumatized by the relationship but it can...

Codependency is real. The link between narcissistic abuse and codependency, however, is a stereotype I’d like to dispel because it can be harmful. More specifically, it’s a myth that all men or women that get into relationships across the board who have been in relationships with narcissists were codependent before they got there. It’s inaccurate and inappropriate for outsiders to apply that term to survivors simply because they have been abused by narcissists. I’ve written about why at length. To recap, I described how the definitions of “codependency” are so broad and numerous that they ignore the special ways that...

It’s been nearly one year since I went no-contact with my ex-boyfriend. After narcissistic abuse, nothing feels normal for a long time. I remember the end and what precipitated it and I remember the gravity of knowing in those last moments we were speaking to one another that it would be the end. I remember the swirling mixture of relief, fear, anger, emptiness, anxiety, and, mostly, disbelief that it was really over. Dissociation threatened to drown me. I felt as if I had thrown myself off a cliff. I don’t know the exact date I went no-contact. I could try...