Living Through and Recovering From a Relationship with a Narcissist

Main Menu
19 Home » Your Stories » Frozen Forever by Suzanne Ianieri

Frozen Forever by Suzanne Ianieri

I’m afraid there is not enough space to even make a dent in the hell that’s been my life now for 20 years. I had the most painful and traumatizing events happen to me.

I was lied to, betrayed, and traumatized by a horrible discard and he lied to a court. I had no clue was happening.

I was violently removed from my home and from my 1 1/2-year-old son by police, his lawyers and his mother. He was able to get a permanent protective order on me and I didn’t see my son for six years. I sobbed and was in a cruel fog unable to function.

After six years, my ex called me out of the blue. I ran back to him…only he was even crueler this time.

There is not enough space here to tell my story. I am in a limbo, unable to function today. I have nobody to talk to as everyone tells me to forget it and move on.

That is impossible.

I still cry to this day as if it happened yesterday. My son, now 19, does not understand me and tells me always to get myself together and move on.

I welcome any help as I’m alone and sucked dry of who I was. Thank you to anyone who will hear me.

 

Suzanne Ianieri’s bio:

I’m in my twentieth year of this hell and want to tell my story but I’ve hesitated thinking that no one would ever believe what I’ve been through. I’m frozen now forever.

Guest Post

This post has been submitted by a reader of Fairy Tale Shadows.

19 Comments

  1. My story is becoming exactly like yours! Court, Custody, Lies, & it’s changed me forever! He betrayed me & I’m realizing it was all a lie! I think that has been what hurts me the most! 😢

  2. Suzanne Ianieri

    Thank you ,but please don’t be fooled by your husband’s suppossed willingness to make amends . These people NEVER change. It’s just an attempt to get back “in”. You sound like you’ve made really good progress in your healing journey. Don’t ever believe anything that comes out of the mouth of a narcissist. I so appreciate your feedback . You sound like you also have really been through sheer hell. Please keep healing and enjoy your life.

    1. Suzanne Ianieri

      This is almost exactly what happenned to me !! I am so freaked out. I thought I was the only one who had ever gone through this nightmare. My ex got a protective order against me by going behind my back and creating the most viscious lies against me. We were still living together as a family ! I had no clue he had been doing these horrible cruel and evil things to me. He lied lied and lied on all the court papers. I was in shock when one “normal” morning , I woke up as usual only to be faced with the most horrific trauma . My ex had called the police, his mother ,and 2 lawyers to come over to remove me permanently from my home and my baby son. Only then at that moment he showed me and the police ,custody papers with him having sole custody ! I had no clue! He did all of this while still living with me. He so terribly abused me emotionally and psychologically up to that point ,causing me to be driven to sheer frustration and confusion that I was literally begging him to tell me what was wrong! He didn’t speak to me for weeks before that shocking horrorible day. I was literally writing him letters to get him to aknowledge my pain and we lived together! He had powerful lawyers on his side and his mother…I didnt stand a chance. I used my entire savings on a lawyer. Had to go out of state to my parents because I had no home . Back and forth on a Greyhound bus cross country at least 15 times for court. All I could do was sob uncontrollably . I was in a complete fog and unaware of what was happenning because I was in shock and just sobbed for weeks. He got a permanent protective order and I couldnt see my 2 year old son for 6 years. He so enjoyed the whole drama . He was the star and he was arrogant and smiling in court. He enjoyed seeing me completely broken and so deeply deeply hurt and shocked. That’s only a small part of years of trauma . Not enough pages to tell all. I
      had no idea that such evil exists in this world. I am now 19 years later ,frozen and paralyzed.I am horribly depressed and scared for my future. Im 57 now and would like to live again. I dont know how anymore. Thank you for telling your story. It is almost exactly what happenned to me . I dont talk about it because it sounds so outrageous and I think nobody would believe me. I am still stuck in this nightmare and dont know how to be myself anymore . Feels good to get this out. I am grateful for this opportunity. I have to get a job to live now and I can barely get out of bed in the morning. Will this ever end??

  3. Kristen Robbins

    Thank you so much for sharing! I believe you and wish I could talk to you!! So true and powerful!!

  4. I read this site, not regularly but when the ghosts of my mind are quiet. My abuse was insidious and long lasting. I read about the men these women had to deal with and my heart goes out to them all. But, what do you do when the narcissist was your mother. The woman who is suppose to nurture and love you not set you up for the horrible things that are both painful and forever imprinted on your soul. In the end I made a healthy decision and cut that woman out of my life and did not speak to her for over 30 years before she passed.

    1. You give me courage. I had to let go of my narcissistic sister a few years ago. It was extremely painful to do that. Recently I decided to cut my 90 something mother in law out after I gently confronted her with many lies she was repeatedly telling about two people who had been so kind and good to care for her. She deliberately attacked and hurt me with information I had once given her about my sister. It has been hard but I’m so much better. My MIL has been covert for years and I’m just now figuring her out. I now realize my husband has also suffered abuse from her but then became my abuser. So I suffer from painful trauma he inflicted. But because he seems to want to change and grow I am giving him a chance. He appears to have made real change but I still worry that I am only being love bombed. At least hearing from you I’m affirmed in my choice about his mother. And if I’m being love bombed then at least I’m a step closer to getting away from him one day.

  5. My ex was so good at making every one love him and think I was crazy when behind doors he would abuse me and my kids. Its so hard to make people in your life understand what you went thru. I wrote a 10 page synopsis of my experience with my covert malignant narcissistic sociopath psychopath describing what he did in detail and how his behaviors were classic covert narcissistic sociopathic personality disorder traits and gave it to people to read. I talked about flying monkeys and his ways of getting sympathy from people and being the victim when he was the puppet master of it all. Manipulation was huge in our relationship and he forced me to file bankrupty and lose my sense of worth as a woman and human. Looking back I was a victim but I also should of left him many times when I didnt. I lost 6 years of my life but I learned how to forgive myself and I am healing and learning to let go and master my feelings and mind with meditation and exercise. I have met a kind man who i think is trying to understand what i have been thru and help me heal also. It is not easy for people on the outside who have never been victim to a narcissist sociopathy/psychopath to understand. We need to be a voice to bring awareness that these evil people are out there. They will chew you up and spit you out with no remorse. Empaths need to find each other and heal one another. IF anyone needs to talk , I understand what this evil personality order is and feels like and it has been a year since I got free and I used the gray rock and I have had zero contact and I am stronger today than i have ever been. If you need to talk to vent please reach out to me anytime. [email address edited out – Suzanne please contact Kristen Milstead for this information]

    1. Suzanne Ianieri

      Thank you so much…for the first time I feel understood. You explained exactly what this hell has been like. I am so grateful to know now that I am not alone and thay someone actually gets the devastation and agony that these souless people are capable of inflicting . I will never be the same and I live now in a frozen , fearful state. Therapists do not get it at all! So, thank you again. I feel better just knowing there are others out there like me.

    2. Suzanne Ianieri

      I often want to write a book because Im so desperate to get my story out there. It is unbelievabe and absolutely harrowing..All I want and need is to be heard , aknowledged ,and understood. There is a reason why I am so empty and feel worthless, and so fearful. It really helps to receive feedback. Really means so much!

  6. I hear you, I was married to a narc for 24 years, I seem to attract them, I also felt alone and abandoned, both my adult children are malignant narcissists, I don’t see them anymore, it’s heartbreaking!

  7. Dear Suzanne,
    I am glad you are reaching out ! …I didn`t go through the same hell you went through but as a mother I can understand the unbelievable pain you lived with !
    Your son is now 19 years old….boys at this age don`t like ” dramas “…….so , my advise would be NOT to bring up your past with him ! Try to be part of his life in doing things that he likes !…..He will grow up and he will come to understand !
    As for you, don`t live in the past…..there is nothing you can change about it !……..forgive and LIVE ! ..remember you are not alone. I pray that God will give you the strength to forgive and the grace and peace to live the rest of your life surrounded by people that love you !…

  8. I understand you will never have complete peace from losing your child. You live in trauma state because of that. But you can get close to 100% recovery if you are willing to submit your life to Christ. It’s a simple prayer recognizing Him as the son of God and confessing your wrongs then saying you will fully submit your life to Christ. Then start studying the Bible and relying on Him every day. Learn to be obedient to His commands (which are stated in the Bible) even when it is uncomfortable for you. Ask for His constant guidance and protection and for a godly woman to come in to your life to help guide you. Memorize the 23rd psalm and pray it pouring out your heart to God each day. Rebuke Satan and his demons. Tell them you do not accept what they have done to cause you pain. Get guidance from a Christian person who understands spiritual warfare and pray against the demons of deceit and denial. I say get help because if you are not experienced in spiritual warfare you can open yourself up to more harm. Tell your son you loved him always and still do. Pray that he sees truth very soon. Learn how to reclaim yourself. It truly is the only way to heal. My battle has been 43 years. I am healing more every day. I have lost so much but it has been replaced by so much more. May God bless and guide you.

    1. You are absolutely correct. Christ is our shield and defender there is no other way to live with the aftershocks from this abuse. I am so sorry to hear of. The children involved in these stories. May God heal all the broken hearts involved. It’s the sin that caused this only Christ can set us free.

  9. Melodie Wilson

    I did it for 16 years and it was hell. I pray that you will find peace in this.

    1. Your story and the way you feel …I can honestly say that I understand ever word you said and feel…my story is very much like yours and all the time have no one and im alone and it has consumed me and to bear the worst unbearable pain as a mother .. you will never get over or truely understand, my son says stop playing the victim already… horrible 12yrs of my life and I finally got the courage to go with my children and bags of clothes and left everything behind…he found me almost killed me in front of our kids my mom my new neighbors and got off easy married his mistress and then without notice what was really happening, all a sudden i was unfit,unstable unsafe and made fasle reports on me and didn’t give back my son when suppose to unilaterally withheld from me denied access contact all asudden unexpectedly and I can’t imagine how my son was feeling or doing I called begging for help with police , child welfare our government, and lawyers had 3 and still no one was getting the reality of the situation I was in or why my behavior was in distress mode over 117days and with all my parental rights in place were stripped away from me and my son’s right to his loving mother he knows the torcher and emotional pain and hopelessness powerless to have my child parental abducted and alienated from me and teach him to hate be anger feel unsafe to fear his mother… and then his father says to me see what you get for not listening being a good girl , you deserve this he doesn’t need you and said that to our son oh I did u a favor son ,she doesn’t even care enough to be bothered don’t worry u have me , then they went to court made orders in my absence and bam now they’ve got a protective order against me and in a small town people look at me like I did do something wrong and now I can’t go to his school when I was a advide volunteer and was a active participant in my son’s life my snuggle bug now I don’t even know him and tells me I’ve never been a mom to hi.m and makes jokes about me with his dad and step mom, who served thier own selfish reasons and intentions of kicking out of my son’s life and it kills me to know how bad he must be feeling and I can’t help ,or comfort him I’m at at loss on what to do anymore 💔 I’m stuck , in a replay of it all it’s never ending grief, and no one truely understand the cruel inhuman mailious harmful things and the feeling of defeat slowly losing my hope now to….I don’t know what day or time it is most days I live in a fog of hell trying to grasp the concept of it all and I can’t still wrap my mind around how awful a person can be and do such things and to the ones you suppose to love …your kids …to hurt and cause them adverse effects later in life is unfathomable to come to terms with…I’m still in my jammies and haven’t gotten out of bed today… what’s the point I’m a loser worthless good for nothing f@#k up failure right …the shame and guilt is so heavy to carry…so Suzanne thank you for sharing, I know at least one other mother feels some what the same and can relate to.. ..your not alone , I’m here to next to you….thank you for your time and allowing me to say this because actually it’s the first time I’ve said anything about it in a long time and some timex the pain becomes to much to bear and have to release at least some of it. .. I’m also a parent of a 22 yr opioid substance user, and that stems from living in a domestic violence/ family violence abuse home and learning to survive another day and the satsitcal studies are true the adverse childhood effects are true and accurate and he caused it all and yet is the victim and abandoned her after we left , he was mean and violent to all of us he called he ugly duckling and u stink no boys will like u…so on far worse …you are made to be no one and you are nothing and still I live in fear ….thank you

    2. Thank you for your story.Hearing what others have gone through gives me a broader perspective.This helps me as well as deeply saddens.I am sorry.I cannot imagine the betrayal and loss that was inflicted upon you.
      Your story caused me to think about some of the directions that my “nightmare” could have taken.I am thankful I never experienced such horror.Being victimized by someone you love is so profoundly damaging .Then while your reeling trying to make sense of it, you realize that you have been silenced.That is maddening !
      That’s when the ice starts to form.
      This is a spiritualy destructive mental illness that is highly contagious and malignant.
      The devastating legacy of this illness is most heartbreaking when it falls upon children.
      Every time I tell my story or hear of others it helps me feel a little less like a victim.
      I am thankful for that !

  10. Cheryl Morgan

    Stay away from evil people. May God Bless You! This too shall pass.

    1. I bet your reply really helped.?
      Your reply , sounded heartless and finger-pointing. Nothing like , pouring salt into an open wound.
      I bet you are one of “Jobs’ Conforters “!

      1. Suzanne Ianieri

        What are you saying ? I don’t understand the point of your comment

Post a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.