My name is Kristen Milstead and I am a narcissistic abuse survivor.
I never saw it coming.
Before I ever got into the relationship that put me in this situation, I had a Ph.D. in Sociology and had spent my academic career studying theories for why people engage in criminal and deviant behavior. How had I ended up here?
After the relationship ended, I knew something profound had just happened to me. I couldn’t even explain it, nor could I understand why my own identity and behavior had changed in ways I didn’t understand. I started this blog as a way to process what happened using both my personal experience and educational background.
Over time, the blog grew into much more. Thanks to other survivors like you and the support we were able to give each other, I was able to heal completely over a period of years. Yes, today, I am living a healthy, satisfying life with a new partner.
The final stage of my healing process was to compile everything I learned from my own pain and the experiences other survivors shared with me into the first sociological analysis of narcissistic abuse, which I called Why Can’t I Just Leave? A Guide to Waking Up and Walking Out of a Pathological Love Relationship. This book became a true labor of love that I poured my soul into. My goal was to go beyond detailing the psychology of the abuser or the damage to survivors, to explore the invisible structural power dynamics that make such abuse possible and give us clues about how to overcome it.
I no longer update Fairy Tale Shadows because I fully processed the relationship and put it in my past. I leave it up as a continued beacon as a supplement to the book it culminated in, for those navigating the darkness who find it meaningful to hear from someone who made it to the other side.
Stay strong and remember you are not alone!
-Kristen
Read more about me on my author website.
