What is verbal abuse? The idea itself seems pretty straight-forward. Yet everyone has said things in anger they regret. Everyone has also had their feelings hurt by the words of others. But are those words abusive? How can we tell the difference? I would argue that there is an intention behind abuse that differentiates it from other non-abusive words or behavior that may otherwise offend or hurt. With this in mind, verbal abuse can be described as the use of any form of communication to intentionally inflict psychological or emotional harm on someone, to manipulate his or her behavior, or...
If you’ve ever been in a situation where someone is verbally abusing you, you’ve probably had the urge to do one of four things: get away as soon as possible to avoid the abuse, smooth over the aggression, zone out or freeze up and wait for it to end, or fight back. These are normal human responses by our complex nervous system when it perceives danger, as described by Peter Walker in his book CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: “A fight response is triggered when a person suddenly responds aggressively to something threatening. A flight response is triggered when a...
There were many times when there was a voice inside of me wondering if it was my fault that my boyfriend verbally abused me. This, despite the fact that I knew it shouldn’t be happening. Sometimes the voice was just a whisper in the back of my mind. Sometimes it was an all-consuming shame melody playing on an endless loop in my tired brain. Sometimes it was just a simple “you should” sentence that slid its way into my thoughts as the look on someone else’s face reflected back to me what they were thinking when there was an “incident.” Why Victims Blame...
Jackson MacKenzie saved my life. Okay, maybe it wasn’t quite that extreme, but his book, Psychopath Free, kept me going in some dark moments. His website was one of the first that I found and spent time on in the aftermath of the initial “unmasking.” You know what I’m talking about. The revelation (or series of revelations, in my case) that showed me that something was terribly wrong in my past relationship. Psychopath Free is a classic in the literature on narcissistic abuse. Let me count the ways: His original list of 30 Red Flags for Spotting Toxic People from the book (and website)...
It’s normal if you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath to try to read the signs and figure out how to know if a narcissist is finished with you. You may feel obsessed with the idea that by going back over every word and action that took place between you, you can see into the future. Relationships with narcissists have a cycle to them that plays out again and again. The narcissist draws you in close, then does an about-face, and begins to withdraw and verbally abuse you. Finally, they discard you for some reason that...
Narcissistic abuse in relationships is notoriously difficult to define. Because narcissists may engage in physical, sexual and financial abuse, victims may spend years recovering or rebuilding their lives psychologically at the same time they must also learn new ways to support themselves or save money after they have lost everything. What is it about narcissistic abuse that sets it apart from the other forms of abuse? Why bother to carve out a separate space for it at all? Narcissists are cruel. Narcissists can belittle, name-call, and shame. They fluctuate between “honeymoon periods” and “abusive periods.” They are often controlling and...
Listed as one of Choosingtherapy.com's 25 Best Books on Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder
“Survivors who read this book will be able to trust the “lightbulb” moments this rare perspective offers.”—Bree Bonchay, LCSW, founder of World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD)
