Category: Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

Covert verbal abuse takes place when the abuser hides the abuse inside the context of the conversation. It can make victims feel as if they are going crazy. One of the most dangerous methods of delivery is covert verbal abuse. This type of verbal abuse takes place when the abuser hides the abuse inside the context of the conversation during which the abusive comments are made. Abusers who engage in this type of behavior still intend to humiliate and demean the victim. Instead of doing it directly, however, they are able to deny that they intended to do so because they...

Verbal abuse and anger seem to go together. In fact, one common stereotype of abuse is that the abuser must have been angry when the behavior occurred. This makes sense because aggressive behavior is the easiest to see and understand. When it comes to verbal abuse, subtle psychological mind games are more difficult to pinpoint and explain than direct insults and putdowns. There is more than one way to deliver verbal abuse, however, and the delivery method matters. When I was still with my ex-boyfriend, I recognized three ways that he used to deliver his verbally abusive insults: the “hot method,” the “covert method,”...

Verbal abuse comes in many different forms and one that is often the easiest to spot is an abuser’s insults or put-downs. My ex-boyfriend did not hold back, issuing demeaning comments or labels meant to attack specific things about me, my life, or the people in it so that I would feel bad about myself and change my behavior in some way. His words were direct hits either on things I liked about myself or on things I was insecure about. Either way, however, he used his knowledge about me gained through the closeness to me earned early in the relationship to...

When I found out that my ex-boyfriend was leading multiple lives, the furthest thing from my mind was thinking about how to manipulate a narcissist. I was merely in shock and wanted to break up with him.  When I say that he was leading multiple lives, I mean the following: he was living with me and frequently mentioning marriage and adopting children with me in the future he was engaged to someone else he was still involved with an ex-girlfriend and discussing marriage and children with her he was on dating websites and had who knows how many women in...

If you’re reading this, then you have at one time believed– or, more likely, believe right now because you are reading this– that your partner is a narcissist, psychopath, or sociopath whose behavior fits the pattern of a narcissistic abuser. It may even be an obsession at times: “Is my partner a narcissist or not?” If you’re still in the relationship, you probably have doubts. Sometimes, you’re just not sure.  And, let’s be honest, you don’t want to believe it’s true. You may even have them if you’re not in the relationship anymore. The whole thing sounds movie-plottish.  It sounds dramatic....

Closure in a relationship with a narcissist is challenging regardless of whether we decide to finally go no-contact with them, or they leave abruptly (which is always the way they leave if they decide to do so). There are multiple ways that a “break-up” with a narcissist may occur. A partner may cut off contact completely without letting the narcissist know that he or she is doing so out of concerns for safety or to avoid narcissistic rage or intense attempts getting the partner to stay that it might cause (or even some combination of all three). The narcissist may...

PTSD and narcissistic abuse can go hand-in-hand. “Normal relationships don’t give people PTSD.” That’s what my therapist had said to me when I expressed my frustration over why I was having so much trouble dealing with the world, despite the fact that I wasn’t interacting with my ex-boyfriend anymore. That’s when I realized just how truly pathological this situation had been. I hated how I had changed without even realizing it, how I wasn’t my easygoing self anymore. I hated how angry I could get over the things that had been done to me.  I hated how triggering certain things...