Category: Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

Lies are not the same for narcissists and psychopaths as they are for the rest of us. When a narcissist lies, it splits the world off into two realities and forces us to choose the one in which we want to live. In the article “16 Faces of a Psychopath,” the author writes that in their world, “they don’t lie because lying is not a relevant issue for them. The idea or image of truth doesn’t exist with the psychopath, so he cannot lie…. there is for him no difference. He says what’s convenient, what comes to his mind, but...

There is an explosion in pop culture TV right now depicting how abusers are grooming their victims for abuse and I have mixed feelings about it. Consider the following recent examples: Surviving R. Kelly, a multi-part documentary, details the long history of singer R.Kelly’s physical, sexual, and emotional abuse and exploitation of girls and women. He had even established such a high level of psychological control over a handful of them, he isolated them in his homes and had total domination over their lives.  Abducted in Plain Sight, another documentary, is about a man who spent two and a half years ingratiating himself with an...

Relationships with narcissists are not like normal relationships in so many different ways that it’s difficult to keep track. It’s no wonder that we’re left wondering why it’s so hard to get over narcissists once the relationships end. Putting the reasons into words, however, can help us to understand why it takes so long to get over the relationship so we can give ourselves more self-compassion as we work on moving on after narcissistic abuse.     Twelve Reasons It’s So Hard to Get Over a Narcissist 1. The Relationships Are More Intense. Our lives were often lived on the edge....

If you’ve ever been in a situation where someone is verbally abusing you, you’ve probably had the urge to do one of four things: get away as soon as possible to avoid the abuse, smooth over the aggression, zone out or freeze up and wait for it to end, or fight back. These are normal human responses by our complex nervous system when it perceives danger, as described by Peter Walker in his book CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: “A fight response is triggered when a person suddenly responds aggressively to something threatening. A flight response is triggered when a...

There were many times when there was a voice inside of me wondering if it was my fault that my boyfriend verbally abused me. This, despite the fact that I knew it shouldn’t be happening. Sometimes the voice was just a whisper in the back of my mind. Sometimes it was an all-consuming shame melody playing on an endless loop in my tired brain. Sometimes it was just a simple “you should” sentence that slid its way into my thoughts as the look on someone else’s face reflected back to me what they were thinking when there was an “incident.” Why Victims Blame...

It’s normal if you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath to try to read the signs and figure out how to know if a narcissist is finished with you. You may feel obsessed with the idea that by going back over every word and action that took place between you, you can see into the future. Relationships with narcissists have a cycle to them that plays out again and again. The narcissist draws you in close, then does an about-face, and begins to withdraw and verbally abuse you. Finally, they discard you for some reason that...

The film I, Tonya, depicts the physically and verbally abusive home life of notorious Olympic skater Tonya Harding. Harding is best known for the scandal that took place in 1994 in which her husband, Jeff, carried out a plot to maim Nancy Kerrigan, her skating rival, prior to the winter Olympics that year. There is a scene in the film in which the teenaged Harding sits at the dining room table eating breakfast with her mother. She has a black eye, given to her by Jeff, her boyfriend at the time. Harding’s mother tells her that her makeup doesn’t cover the abuse and remarks in...