Category: Breaking Up With a Narcissist

We can’t leave a narcissist and go no contact until we go through five stages.  Narcissists lure. They lure with promises, flattery, lies and sweet words. [Read Narcissist Love Bombing is Like Poison] The mask shifts with each new person in their sights, adjusting to our likes and dislikes, filling in crevices to become whatever seems to be missing and fulfilling our long-lost dreams. What remains the same, however, is that the true nature of the narcissist remains hidden behind the mask. With that mask, employed skillfully at the outset, the narcissist sets the stage to lure and trap by putting it...

You must still go no-contact when a you’ve been through a narcissist discard.  Let’s get very real. A relationship with a narcissist does not end until you decide it’s over. Focus on those words for a moment. There’s some power in them. We usually hear experts talk about going no-contact when the relationship is still ongoing. We read resources about moving on after being discarded. Yes, survivors in current narcissistic abuse relationships must get the information and support they need to go no-contact. Yes, survivors who are no longer in those relationships must get the information and support they need...

When we are in relationships with narcissists, we are constantly trying to figure out how to change course. Anything other than go “no contact.” For example, if we could just explain to them how their behavior is hurting us, then perhaps they would stop.  Things never align. We never reach the elusive dream of a loving relationship characterized by honesty and respect. Instead, we find ourselves becoming weaker and more exhausted trying to do things that are beyond the bounds of what we should be expected to give. It’s a merry-go-round we either ride until we’re sick or that we...

Understanding how to get over a narcissist is a lot easier than actually doing it.  However, before we can do it, we must first become aware of the path to complete recovery.  It starts with a question about what is keeping us tied to the narcissist. To get over a narcissist, we must ask ourselves, “How is it possible to miss someone who has damaged us and devastated our lives so carelessly?” Why Getting Over a Narcissist is So Hard It’s possible to miss someone who has abused us because love-bombing is abuse too. When our partners love-bombed us, it...

Looking back, my process for going no-contact with my ex-boyfriend actually started over two years before it came to a complete end. I didn’t understand what was happening to me at the time, nor would I have been able to explain it to anyone else. There were times when I wanted desperately to leave, but I couldn’t envision any possible future without him, and there were times when I wanted nothing more than to stay and forced myself forget the things that had made me want to leave. There were times when I also wanted him to leave, and times...

If you’re reading this, then like I once was, you’re likely caught in the seemingly endless cycle of trying to break up with a narcissist.  It feels like a madness that we can’t escape. They depart suddenly for reasons that seem either minor or made up completely. They may pretend as if you don’t exist. When they do decide to speak to you again, they act as if they are lowering themselves to interact with you. Or perhaps you are the one to leave because you can’t take their actions anymore, but they won’t stay away. This time, they treat...

The relationship ends. Abruptly. It doesn’t matter if you went no contact or whether the narcissist suddenly cut off contact as if you never existed. You’re on the emotional roller coaster. You can’t stop thinking about what the narcissist is doing at the end of the relationship even though you tell yourself you shouldn’t care.  Why We Obsess about What the Narcissist Does When the Relationship is Over From an outsider’s point of view, from those who haven’t experienced it, the way we endlessly talk about the things they’ve done or how it ended may seem excessive and unhealthy.  What...