I think you’ve hit on some great points here, particularly where you’ve identified the urge to “warn” others about your discoveries. I think now I looked unhinged, and when I go back and read what I’ve written, I can taste the layers of hurt, anger, and devastation. Building an understanding of what happened and what to look for in future partners is essential, but I’ve also found that using a “Pontius Pilate” approach to the past is helpful. You’re also right to point out that they’re never really finished with you. In my case, I have gone black on her. I’ve also replaced narc abuse “victim” with “target of value,” because that’s really what we’re talking about. A target presents some kind of value, and it’s all about feeding their ego.

Thank you for this!

I think this is an excellent post and very appropriate for me at the moment. Labels were an immense help for me in framing my experience.I am in therapy as part of my recovery and I was reluctant to mention these labels to my therapist as regards my abuser. Even though I had spent a little over three months in constant research and speaking to other survivors, I felt that my self-diagnosing my abuser would be deflected by a therapist.

Lucky for me, I found a very good one who listened to everything I had to say. He concurs with me that what I went through was textbook narcissistic abuse. I was also lucky that he praised my research as being pro-active and a great sign of somebody who wanted to get better.