Comments on: Coercive Control: The Domination of a Narcissist

By: Emma

Emma — Fri, 10 Jan 2020 18:32:28 +0000

My narcissist ex would go on my phone without my permission multiple times. Initially I brushed it off since it seemed so minor and I had nothing to hide. But each time I asked him about it he would deny it adamantly. I initially trusted him, but then some things didn’t add up, such as my phone screen brightness setting was set to max and I never do that.
I was always anxious and worried but so in love with him i overlooked his other questionable acts like triangulating me with his best female friend and other people in his life, finding him active on a dating app 2 months in when we were official, and him dripfeeding me the truth when I thought I got the whole story.

The final straw that made me leave the love of my life was when he told me to basically find a rich man to date if I wanted to be provided for and not go 50/50 on bills anymore. He was showing me the door act!

I broke up with him that night, I loved him so much but the anxiety overtook the comfort of the relationship. “I wanted to marry you, have children together, grow old, I’ll always love you!” He said…. Oh I wanted it so badly too and I was questioning if I made a horrible mistake. After all he felt like he was my soul mate everything else was great…

Then when I broke up with him, by fate
I learned of the term narcissist the same day and was shocked to see he fit all the criteria.
Triangulation. Covert put downs. Love bombing. Idealization. Devaluation. Attention span of a gnat and easily bored. Spoiled by mama.

I went no contact after reading all the survivors stories and experiences. But if I never learned of the term narcissist that night I would have gotten back together with him. I would be subjected to all the ups and downs, not understanding what was going on. Thank God it only lasted for 6 months because of my intuition telling me something was wrong even though my heart was in heaven. Anyone that lies to your face twice or tries to make you jealous of other females in his life – dropped fast. Thank you for sharing your experiences projection is real.

By: Tany

Tany — Mon, 23 Dec 2019 13:18:09 +0000

I’ve read a lot of information about NPD in order to save myself from my toxic expartner, and I can say that this is the first article that describes 100% my story, with the same situations. It is a period of 9 months as we broke up, and he is still pursuing me everywhere as we never broke up. Their illness is very severe one…really.

By: Keosha

Keosha — Fri, 20 Dec 2019 09:09:38 +0000

I thank you for all this important information please inbox me with more info.I was with a narcissistic for about 6 years it was most hardest ,terriblest thing to go through

By: Jacquelyn

Jacquelyn — Tue, 02 Apr 2019 17:07:01 +0000

Can I just say you are amazing and really the only one that describes narcissism so accurately it’s scary!! Therapists have no clue. I told a therapist how he slowly took all my responsibilities away with my children because I didn’t do them well enough and She told me “ but he’s also helping you out, right?!” How crazy is that??? Then she dumped me at a heightened level of anxiety and never even checked on me.
I find you so comforting and can’t thank you enough. I’m still in a trapped place but try to have hope.

By: Kristen Milstead

Kristen Milstead — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 22:21:29 +0000

In reply to Eric. Hi Eric: This is a great question! I am working on some additional writing that talks about this very thing. I do not believe that narcissistic abuse and coercive control are the same thing, but that the definitely they overlap and the concept of coercive control is useful for understanding the concept of narcissistic abuse, but it's not sufficient. For instance, coercive control is largely about the devaluation aspect of narcissistic abuse. Yet, one of the most important aspects of narcissistic abuse is love-bombing, which is also a very important form of manipulation. Narcissists can rely upon a lot of deception to manipulate--like con-artistry. And in some forms of con-artistry, there may be no elements of coercive control at all, for example, romance scams. I think narcissists use both love and fear to manipulate people—and coercive control captures the fear element perfectly. Thank you for asking this question.

By: Eric

Eric — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 17:46:52 +0000

Interesting read, how does this differ from other forms of manipulation?

By: Kim

Kim — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 23:27:54 +0000

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