Hi Maritza: I’m glad you found it so helpful. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to leave a comment. -Kristen

Thanks for responding Kristen. I have written a lot that I haven’t sent to him. I have almost 100 audio recordings of myself describing what I’ve been through. I have a pattern of texting him when the outrage hits me the hardest in the evenings. They range from still trying to reason with him, to blasting him for all he’s done. I can’t seem to stop. Just last night it felt like I reached an end point with the texting. I hope so. It’s futile and it’s hurting me even more. I want out of this cycle of pain. Sometimes I’m just spinning in a cortex of my need for justice and retribution. Cynthia

I’m so glad you did. Getting it out helps.
There’s nothing wrong with emotions.
It’s what we do with them that matters and staying far away from him is the best gift you can give yourself. But you already know this. Have you ever written unsent letters to him? That has helped me considerably. If you try it, please don’t send them. But after I was finished, a lot of the rage would subside. I think anger is very healthy in these situations. It tells us we are healing because we are aware of the injustice of what we went through. Thank you again for reading, Cynthia. Please take care of yourself.

I’m so glad you did. Getting it out helps.
There’s nothing wrong with emotions.
It’s what we do with them that matters and staying far away from him is the best gift you can give yourself. But you already know this. Have you ever written unsent letters to him? That has helped me considerably. If you try it, please don’t send them. But after I was finished, a lot of the rage would subside. I think anger is very healthy in these situations. It tells us we are healing because we are aware of the injustice of what we went through. Thank you again for reading, Cynthia. Please take care of yourself.

Thanks! Yes, it’s been a roller coaster ride. Sometimes I know it’s better to just move on even without the answers, but sometimes I just miss him so much. I feel so tired of the emotional turmoil.

I very much know that feeling. I think it’s part of the healing process. What happened to me was that I eventually realized that even when I had been in a position to ask him questions, I never trusted his answers. So even if I could get all my questions answered by him, I still wouldn’t have my closure from him because he’s not capable of providing answers that make any sense. I needed to answer the questions myself on my own terms, whatever that meant to me, and provide my own closure. It was very empowering to realize I didn’t need him for that because he’d never been a reliable or trustworthy person in the first place. I don’t know if that helps. It’s just one person’s experience, but that’s what happened to me.

I’m still in the process, it’s been hard to be honest. There are so many unanswered questions and it feels like I can’t let go without knowing the answers.