Comments on: The Four Biggest Myths About People in Relationships with Narcissists https://fairytaleshadows.com/the-four-biggest-myths-about-people-in-relationships-with-narcissists/ Living Through and Recovering From a Relationship with a Narcissist Sat, 13 Feb 2021 02:28:30 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.7.5 By: Kristen Milstead https://fairytaleshadows.com/the-four-biggest-myths-about-people-in-relationships-with-narcissists/comment-page-1/#comment-576 Wed, 28 Nov 2018 13:39:04 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=2100#comment-576 In reply to Abyss of abuse.

Hello: I am so sorry about what happened to you. I know the feeling of devastation well, but please know is possible to recover and find new life again. Thank you for leaving a comment. -Kristen

]]> By: Abyss of abuse https://fairytaleshadows.com/the-four-biggest-myths-about-people-in-relationships-with-narcissists/comment-page-1/#comment-575 Sun, 18 Nov 2018 14:41:32 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=2100#comment-575 I am a man who was targeted by a female vulnerable/covert narcissist half my age. She only wanted my destruction. My marriage, my life, my feelings didn’t matter. My boundaries were weak and i have paid dearly. This is something i never knew existed and will leave a scar forever.

]]> By: Kristen Milstead https://fairytaleshadows.com/the-four-biggest-myths-about-people-in-relationships-with-narcissists/comment-page-1/#comment-574 Sat, 18 Aug 2018 03:49:54 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=2100#comment-574 In reply to Therese.

Hi Therese: I feel the pain in your words, and also the strength behind them. You are absolutely right– you are not weak. I’m so sorry about what you have been through. It is frustrating to know that we cannot have the closure from them of having them comprehend the magnitude of what they do. I hope things are getting better for you and you are taking care of yourself. Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. -Kristen

]]> By: Therese https://fairytaleshadows.com/the-four-biggest-myths-about-people-in-relationships-with-narcissists/comment-page-1/#comment-1276 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 11:07:06 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=2100#comment-1276 Thank you for this article, I’ve lived through 13 years of being lied to, cheated on, lied about, freeloaded off of, conned and neglected. It ended with him stealing $70 000 from our joint account and telling me it was none of my business and calling me a con artist and all I cared about was money. He justified it saying other people do it!
I was so hurt, confused, frustrated, tired and angry I told him to piss off. It took months to find out about, and realise all that was done without my knowledge over the years and how much I did and paid for all those years. He still got 40% of everything even though he paid for so little, it’s the minimum court will award a partner! This included my super, he had none!
He never paid for even one week of groceries, nor anything towards the mortgage, I paid for everything except his clothes and registration. All this while he ran a dud business that never made enough money (on paper) to contribute. He built and sold Rally cars from which I never saw a cent. I was told when I pleaded for a holiday that it was a waste of time and money yet his rallying was not!
I did the yard work, cleaning, shopping, bookwork, worked full time, saw my own three children through the last years of high school and all three through university ( they were not his children thank goodness) had three grandchildren of my own and cared for my very large family (I have 8 siblings, mum and dad still alive, aunt to 30) and also visited his family.
It was the shear fact I was kept so bloody busy with all I was doing I didn’t get time to think and if I did question anything I was made to feel like crap or so confused I didn’t bother.
Believe it or not I found time to exercise everyday as well, running, walking and strength. I paid for him to do Jenny Craig and I did up healthy eating plans for him and encouraged him to stay healthy.
How in the hell did I manage all that and work full time teaching teenagers all day. I remember anytime I felt exhausted he would start on about being down and having a black dog day. How he felt like riding off and forgetting everything on the brand new Harley he bought with his money from the sale of a rally car or sail off on the yacht I paid for through the mortgage because all he ever dreamed of was sailing (I get seasick). It was to make me work harder and put me off the scent he’d probably been off riding all day and not working. I was accused of having affairs I didn’t have, turns out it was him having them I’ve now found out.
I have been so angry I could burst, so frustrated that when I did talk to him after the separation he was so detached like he never did anything wrong and I did everything wrong. He believed I should pay for him to get his life back in order! He told his mother I ruined him financially, mentally and emotionally, can you believe it.
His mother married a millionaire 18 months after we got together and she apparently got her hands on his money as power of attorney just before he stole the money off me. She bought him a commercial property for cash and bought a big new home with a wing for her, one for the husband and one for him and the daughter. He had a new supply and I’m left in huge debt!
All I hope for now is Karma but I’m not sure I believe in it!
Where I go to from here is anyone’s guess but I don’t believe I was weak. Who the hell could do all that for 13 years and still keep going!
I’d just like to be able to tell him exactly what I think of him and know that he understands how I feel, but that’s never ever going to happen is it!

]]> By: Therese https://fairytaleshadows.com/the-four-biggest-myths-about-people-in-relationships-with-narcissists/comment-page-1/#comment-573 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 11:07:06 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=2100#comment-573 Thank you for this article, I’ve lived through 13 years of being lied to, cheated on, lied about, freeloaded off of, conned and neglected. It ended with him stealing $70 000 from our joint account and telling me it was none of my business and calling me a con artist and all I cared about was money. He justified it saying other people do it!
I was so hurt, confused, frustrated, tired and angry I told him to piss off. It took months to find out about, and realise all that was done without my knowledge over the years and how much I did and paid for all those years. He still got 40% of everything even though he paid for so little, it’s the minimum court will award a partner! This included my super, he had none!
He never paid for even one week of groceries, nor anything towards the mortgage, I paid for everything except his clothes and registration. All this while he ran a dud business that never made enough money (on paper) to contribute. He built and sold Rally cars from which I never saw a cent. I was told when I pleaded for a holiday that it was a waste of time and money yet his rallying was not!
I did the yard work, cleaning, shopping, bookwork, worked full time, saw my own three children through the last years of high school and all three through university ( they were not his children thank goodness) had three grandchildren of my own and cared for my very large family (I have 8 siblings, mum and dad still alive, aunt to 30) and also visited his family.
It was the shear fact I was kept so bloody busy with all I was doing I didn’t get time to think and if I did question anything I was made to feel like crap or so confused I didn’t bother.
Believe it or not I found time to exercise everyday as well, running, walking and strength. I paid for him to do Jenny Craig and I did up healthy eating plans for him and encouraged him to stay healthy.
How in the hell did I manage all that and work full time teaching teenagers all day. I remember anytime I felt exhausted he would start on about being down and having a black dog day. How he felt like riding off and forgetting everything on the brand new Harley he bought with his money from the sale of a rally car or sail off on the yacht I paid for through the mortgage because all he ever dreamed of was sailing (I get seasick). It was to make me work harder and put me off the scent he’d probably been off riding all day and not working. I was accused of having affairs I didn’t have, turns out it was him having them I’ve now found out.
I have been so angry I could burst, so frustrated that when I did talk to him after the separation he was so detached like he never did anything wrong and I did everything wrong. He believed I should pay for him to get his life back in order! He told his mother I ruined him financially, mentally and emotionally, can you believe it.
His mother married a millionaire 18 months after we got together and she apparently got her hands on his money as power of attorney just before he stole the money off me. She bought him a commercial property for cash and bought a big new home with a wing for her, one for the husband and one for him and the daughter. He had a new supply and I’m left in huge debt!
All I hope for now is Karma but I’m not sure I believe in it!
Where I go to from here is anyone’s guess but I don’t believe I was weak. Who the hell could do all that for 13 years and still keep going!
I’d just like to be able to tell him exactly what I think of him and know that he understands how I feel, but that’s never ever going to happen is it!

]]> By: Kristen Milstead https://fairytaleshadows.com/the-four-biggest-myths-about-people-in-relationships-with-narcissists/comment-page-1/#comment-1186 Tue, 10 Jul 2018 14:54:50 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=2100#comment-1186 Hi Rachel: You are so welcome. Thank you for sharing your story. A lot of what you wrote sounds very familiar to me– the emotional turmoil, believing in the basic goodness of people and not knowing what narcissistic sociopaths are, and wanting to share the story of the experience to learn about myself and help others. It’s a life-changing experience that so few can really understand. It sounds like you have come a long way in your journey. Stay strong and keep writing! -Kristen

]]> By: Kristen Milstead https://fairytaleshadows.com/the-four-biggest-myths-about-people-in-relationships-with-narcissists/comment-page-1/#comment-572 Tue, 10 Jul 2018 14:54:50 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=2100#comment-572 In reply to rachel2point0.

Hi Rachel: You are so welcome. Thank you for sharing your story. A lot of what you wrote sounds very familiar to me– the emotional turmoil, believing in the basic goodness of people and not knowing what narcissistic sociopaths are, and wanting to share the story of the experience to learn about myself and help others. It’s a life-changing experience that so few can really understand. It sounds like you have come a long way in your journey. Stay strong and keep writing! -Kristen

]]> By: rachel2point0 https://fairytaleshadows.com/the-four-biggest-myths-about-people-in-relationships-with-narcissists/comment-page-1/#comment-571 Sat, 07 Jul 2018 20:43:46 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=2100#comment-571 Really powerful and somewhat of a relief. Since my ex fiance abruptly threw me away a little more than a year ago, I too have processed the hundreds of thoughts, feelings, extreme emotions and revelations that led me to fully realize and comprehend I had been in a relationship with a narcissist.

I have walked the line between feeling culpable, responsible, ignorant, naive, ill-equipped, and essentially entirely mistaken about who I thought I was deep down — to feeling more alive, self-sufficient, confident and unshakably certain that I didn’t necessarily have to be a weak woman with self-esteem to have been manipulated and emotionally abused. I wasn’t a blind idiot that people pitied, I was strong-willed, outspoken, unafraid to show myself — and it still happened. Yet I did (and still do) believe in the quality of basic goodness in all of us – including him. I *did* give the benefit of the doubt even when my intuition wasn’t on board. I *did* believe some of the things that he used to spew at me, and I felt like I needed to be a better person for him, for HIM, not for me. It is still very difficult to explain this dynamic to others who don’t have this firsthand experience.

Like many in my extended circle, I didn’t know what a narcissistic sociopath was before last year. When I began my blog (Rachel2point0.blog, I intended to share the experience and the story of what I had been through – as I almost didn’t survive it, which was the most traumatic moment of my life. But along the way – through blogs, research, reading stories and experiences of others – the pieces began to come together into a deeply layered picture- and my revised goal became learning about myself. Maybe, I thought, that by sharing it, others would be able to identify as I had, before it was too late for trauma like mine.

Thank you so much for this info. Your site is one of the most clear and helpful resources.

]]> By: rachel2point0 https://fairytaleshadows.com/the-four-biggest-myths-about-people-in-relationships-with-narcissists/comment-page-1/#comment-1174 Sat, 07 Jul 2018 20:43:46 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=2100#comment-1174 Really powerful and somewhat of a relief. Since my ex fiance abruptly threw me away a little more than a year ago, I too have processed the hundreds of thoughts, feelings, extreme emotions and revelations that led me to fully realize and comprehend I had been in a relationship with a narcissist.

I have walked the line between feeling culpable, responsible, ignorant, naive, ill-equipped, and essentially entirely mistaken about who I thought I was deep down — to feeling more alive, self-sufficient, confident and unshakably certain that I didn’t necessarily have to be a weak woman with self-esteem to have been manipulated and emotionally abused. I wasn’t a blind idiot that people pitied, I was strong-willed, outspoken, unafraid to show myself — and it still happened. Yet I did (and still do) believe in the quality of basic goodness in all of us – including him. I *did* give the benefit of the doubt even when my intuition wasn’t on board. I *did* believe some of the things that he used to spew at me, and I felt like I needed to be a better person for him, for HIM, not for me. It is still very difficult to explain this dynamic to others who don’t have this firsthand experience.

Like many in my extended circle, I didn’t know what a narcissistic sociopath was before last year. When I began my blog (Rachel2point0.blog, I intended to share the experience and the story of what I had been through – as I almost didn’t survive it, which was the most traumatic moment of my life. But along the way – through blogs, research, reading stories and experiences of others – the pieces began to come together into a deeply layered picture- and my revised goal became learning about myself. Maybe, I thought, that by sharing it, others would be able to identify as I had, before it was too late for trauma like mine.

Thank you so much for this info. Your site is one of the most clear and helpful resources.

]]> By: Kristen Milstead https://fairytaleshadows.com/the-four-biggest-myths-about-people-in-relationships-with-narcissists/comment-page-1/#comment-570 Sat, 30 Jun 2018 19:57:12 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=2100#comment-570 I appreciate your kind words, and thank you for sharing your story. Isn’t it amazing how alike they behave? I am trying now to look at what I went through as an opportunity to improve myself and maybe help others too, and I’m so glad I’ve gotten to talk to others like you in this process. Thank you, Karen.

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