Comments on: Why Cognitive Dissonance is Trauma to Narcissistic Abuse Survivors

By: TPot

TPot — Sun, 24 Jul 2022 05:18:32 +0000

In reply to Sharfa. They’re amazing actors! Mine always claimed she couldn’t decide anything for herself, she’s just delusional. What she really does it tell everyone what she wants them to repeat back to her… mirrors them or good people, but there’s no real emotion other than some twisted self preservation. They are mentally Ill but they hurt people maliciously in the deepest ways possible so it’s hard to feel any real sympathy. The person who you loved was a mirror of you if that helps anyone, they try to project all their issues onto their victim and then destroy that person… it doesn’t work, we can heal but they’ll always be broken.h

By: TPot

TPot — Sun, 24 Jul 2022 05:18:16 +0000

In reply to What a Narcissist Says About Break-Ups: They Never Let You Go | In the Shadows of the Fairy Tale. They’re amazing actors! Mine always claimed she couldn’t decide anything for herself, she’s just delusional. What she really does it tell everyone what she wants them to repeat back to her… mirrors them or good people, but there’s no real emotion other than some twisted self preservation. They are mentally Ill but they hurt people maliciously in the deepest ways possible so it’s hard to feel any real sympathy. The person who you loved was a mirror of you if that helps anyone, they try to project all their issues onto their victim and then destroy that person… it doesn’t work, we can heal but they’ll always be broken.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Wed, 14 Oct 2020 06:18:29 +0000

Hi,
I have read loads of articles and read this one as I am wanting to find some resources to deal with the continuing narcissistic behaviours through the ever slow legal process.
I left a marriage of 32years August 2019, way to late, but the snap happened…my health was extremely poor, I had lost control of all access to finances etc etc etc etc…..the list is enormous. I saw things going wrong but was financial dependent amongst other things, including he had managed to get me diagnosed with Dementia and he managed to get my drivers licence cancelled and removed my car.
On the 2o August 2019, he was coming home from the office, as I had again questioned items I had uncovered. He was coming home to placate me once again.
I called the police and a dear friend for assistance in attempt to have him removed. of course I was the individual being assessed because of the diagnosis. However, he the police did issue a 24hr restraining order on him. I rang my sister the next day and said I was not going back. My family have supported me, I am extremely lucky.
But in the legal process he does not disclose appropriate information, keeps stalling, manipulating the statements sent, adding blaming information and so forth, via his lawyer who seems no better in character than he is.
I try to keep focus on the issue at hand, being financial separation. He keeps balking, as funds have been placed from one place to another to another. In the passed year I have not come very far with the legal process.
Do you have ideas to assist?
I am in Western Australia

By: Sharon

Sharon — Thu, 20 Aug 2020 18:17:32 +0000

In reply to Guy. I love this Guy! I totally agree with you ?!

By: Guy

Guy — Thu, 20 Aug 2020 10:44:50 +0000

Hi Kirsten, so interesting to read about this makes so much sense. Of course, it’s always complicated, and the problem that Brown does not touch upon above is when you have a child together, it’s not about the love-bombing necessarily being the bond that ties (that never really worked on me), but it is about love, shared experience and about protecting the child. In my case, I know that if I leave then my 9 year old will be totally exposed to her mother’s illness, and it will damage her a great deal more. So I want to stick around to help her become as stable and spiritually well as I can. And then there’s my wife. She’s an inverted narc with malignant tendencies, which were fuelled by my ignorance of her illness over the years, and the subsequent fallout. Now I’m perhaps unusually helped, because of the depth of my faith in God, the ground under my feet is rock solid, but for sure there is a lot of cog diss in my life, it’s a constant yo-yo that I could do without. I’ve seen my exec function diminish considerably over the years, and I know that I would be far more effective if my life were different. But anyway, having a child with a narc makes it way more complicated, that’s really the point. Also, I don’t at all feel complete apathy for her, in fact knowledge of her condition has helped me to understand myself and ultimately her too. Because almost NOBODY is all bad, even though it’s feels like it at times that they’re rotten to the core, there’s always hope as i strongly believe in the transformational power of uplifting prayer (at least when I can get myself to do it ;)) So for the time being at least, and who knows maybe even for the rest of eternity, I will stand by her, because when I had a child with her I effectively made her my wife, at least that’s how I see it. I’m not saying this is what others should do, it’s just what I feel able to do. Thanks, Guy

By: Max

Max — Sun, 02 Aug 2020 07:44:15 +0000

Kristen, I’m so glad to have stumbled across your page. I’ve read so much and everything about my relationship makes so much sense now. The woman I had been involved with had told me she loved within a month of meeting her. Everything was perfect at the beginning – yet the following 2 years would be 2 years of being belittled about my appearance and habits, being made out to be the worst person on Earth to all of her friends, being kept hidden from her parents, she tried to convince me I’m bipolar, and I was always kept out of an official relationship with excuses like “I need to learn how to love myself first” and “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for a relationship with anyone”. Yet as horrible as she she made me out to be, she continued to keep me around, was never straightforward with me, and used me for sex. She finally discarded me at the beginning of the pandemic. Things were going ok at first – we were calling to check up on each other, etc. But then she got extremely quiet out of nowhere and when I confronted her about it we got into an argument. She blocked and ghosted me. Literally a week before that she was saying that she missed me, leaving me confused. Two months of no contact later, she e-mails me to reveal that she already has a new boyfriend, it’s already an official relationship, and that she’s the happiest she’s ever been. Considering everything on this website, they probably had started talking sooner than that. I thought this person would at the very least be a lifelong friend. Anyways, I’m just glad I’m not the source of supply anymore and I shouldn’t have ignored the many red flags that existed when I first met her.

By: Renna

Renna — Tue, 10 Mar 2020 03:16:59 +0000

What needed information I received, and am going to be my own person for learning what I have to do.
I did my best in a 30 year marriage, and left him 3 years ago.
Best thing I ever did in my life.
He was destroying me, and I let him be who he is never wanting to end it all. Thank you !

By: Ang

Ang — Thu, 23 May 2019 04:42:20 +0000

I left my Narc. Over a year ago… I am still struggling. I go back and forth between loving him and wanting to be with him again, and then hating him. I can go weeks without communication and be fine but once he reaches out to me I fall right back into it. I can’t stop thinking about him and it’s almost like I forget/forgive all the abuse he put me through and I somehow tell myself he has changed… I am
9 months pregnant with another mans child who I am not in any kind of relationship with. It has been very difficult for me and my Narc seems to be there for me, even telling me he wishes it were his and that he wants to be there for us and take care of us. I believed this and even agreed to meet up with him once, we just talked. After this I Began obsessing, wanting to be with him again. It was so nice to talk and catch up and he made me feel like he did in the beginning. I even tried to convince my family (who hates him) that he has changed and I am thinking about giving it another chance. He hasn’t contacted me since. No texts or calls. And I am left feeling empty. More empty then before. Deep down I know he’s playing on my emotions during this vulnerable time. I just don’t know how to get over it. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I see my worth, I know I deserve better but I just can’t understand why this happened.

By: Kristen Milstead

Kristen Milstead — Fri, 22 Feb 2019 00:09:55 +0000

In reply to Joe.

Hello Joe: I understand exactly what you’re talking about with the loving and hating the information because it breaks down many of the ideas we have come to believe and some of them we very much want to be true, but it also sets us free. There is no reason to be ashamed and embarrassed and that is so much what I want to get across. I’m so glad it is helpful to you. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Please take care,
Kristen

By: Joe

Joe — Thu, 21 Feb 2019 17:39:11 +0000

Wow! That is all I can say! I loved this and hated it at the same time. Because it reflects my life. Kristen…. you have brought so much perspective into my life. I sometimes feel ashamed and embarrassed of what she has done to me and how she has made me feel but you have helped me in so many ways. I am so glad that you have devoted so much time to helping others realize the travesty that these kind of people inflict on others. It is literally unreal. Thank you so much for being who you are!