Comments on: 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Won’t Give You Closure

By: Jody

Jody — Wed, 23 Feb 2022 18:48:02 +0000

In reply to Lily. I'm so sorry, I can relate. I'm going thru the same thing, he totally ghosted me, blocked me and changed his number after I moved four states away for us to be together. No closure is mind boggling, you'll always ask "why". He was with a married woman when I finally got moved, never even got to see him. I'm actually lucky she spared me more funacial and verbal abuse, she took the physical abuse and continued to stay with him, he's wanted on eight warrants and she refuses to call the police; he now has left her in another state to go on to his next victim he had in the shadows. Hes a criminal and is as close to saran as you can get.

By: Lily

Lily — Thu, 26 Aug 2021 04:29:25 +0000

This honestly couldn’t be more true for me. My first love (I now see as a narcissist) “rescued” me from trauma (there was some definite trauma bonding between the 2 of us) and I became extremely attached. Now that I think of it he sought me out to get back at an ex of his who cheated on him. Even though it’s wrong, I still think of our relationship as the only time I felt happy in my life. And that was 17 years ago. He made me feel special and so so loved. He broke up with me and went totally no contact. I tried to get answers from him. He ignored me. He had found someone new (from his past) and gotten together with this person immediately after he broke things off with me. (I’m sure they were talking before he officially broke up with me — he was laying the groundwork). Him cutting me off made me extremely insecure and panicked (due to my anxious attachment style and trauma) and he called me “crazy” to everyone around. That was the narrative he built to make himself look and feel better about what he did to me. He never apologized, he never acknowledged anything wrong. But it’s been 17 years and I still think about him every single day. I still think of him as my one and only true love. I don’t even want to live anymore because I can’t stop thinking about how happy I was for our short relationship and how I will never know that happiness ever again. He’s married now and I tried to see if he would have a conversation with me so I can finally get some closure. He responded for a while but stopped recently responding and I’m a wreck.

By: Hindatu

Hindatu — Sat, 21 Aug 2021 18:47:05 +0000

Wow,wow, wow. This is my current situation. I am married to my husband for 8 years. upon all these behaviors,I never knew that he Narcissist until when I read this article. he is a manipulator, he made my life miserable, he is always telling me that I can’t achieve anything in life until I mingle with him. he shows the world that I am not a good person, he is Always tarnishing my image. Many other negative things about me. But thank God that I am here. I have learnt alot here! but please can someone assist me on how to be productive? I have my Masters in Banking and Finance and also working and I have passion for leadership but he has shown to me that I can’t achieve that. please can someone show me the way? I don’t know where to start from because I have already lose myself esteem/worth. I want to be somebody in life for the sake of my four children. I don’t want to depend on him anymore. please recommend any article for leadership. thank you

By: Matt

Matt — Thu, 20 May 2021 22:43:55 +0000

In reply to Kristen Milstead. Exactly.... Guaranteed that the phrase being repeated is in some way related to DARVO. (Deny, Abuse, Reverse Victim and Offender. Either blameshifting or justifying their position in the post relationship revisionist history in order to excuse themselves from any accountability. There also is the aspect where a lie repeated often enough becomes the truth and they are not above deluding themselves in order to avoid the truth related to their abhorrent behavior.

By: Judy

Judy — Sun, 06 Sep 2020 18:24:19 +0000

In reply to Alex. I am feeling the same exact way…how do I heal. I feel paralyzed with the agony of being so unwanted and used. ?

By: Alex

Alex — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 06:27:16 +0000

How do we heal from this?

By: PWM101

PWM101 — Tue, 31 Mar 2020 19:46:44 +0000

Just wanted to thank you so much for this article . I don’t want to go into the in’s and outs of the break up as it’s still pretty raw. A month ago and still hurts like hell . Needless to say I thought she was the love of my life we were about to move in, trying for children etc and then boom it was over with barely any explanation. I was in shock . Two weeks later I went round to propose I was that besotted and of course she had a new partner and suddenly I was the enemy . It destroyed my world and I’ve struggled everyday since . Anyway this article spoke to me on every level the number of boxes she ticked from the points you made is astonishing- despite attempts she has never given me any closure and even an unfeeling narcissist must know I’m hurt but I love the part where you say we’re attached to the realtionship they are attached to the way we make them feel . Towards the end because of work, home, child issues she changed becoming depressed and selfish and sad there was little I could do – I see now I’d served my purpose and I could see her flaws and of course she was already finding new praise from someone guess what who had been waiting in the wings all along ! It never bothered me before because we were so in love but keeping someone on a leash like that just meant he could swoop in when times got tough. Anyway I realise will never get my closure and I just wanted to thank you for showing me the reasons why I won’t and opening my eyes to the realtionship I had put on a pedestal. I’m hurting but I hope I’m slowly on the mend . Thank you for helping .

By: Holyfour

Holyfour — Mon, 23 Sep 2019 08:53:32 +0000

I’m tottaly agree with you, Kristen. My girlfrieng is great exemplar of narcissists, so I meet a many examples of behavioral situations in this post.

By: james

james — Sun, 22 Sep 2019 16:27:06 +0000

i sympathize with so many here ..my relationship of 8 yrs over long distance had a lie from day one as initially when i entered into my relationship with her i was told of the ex lover not by name but where he was from and that he had been very demanding of her and treated her badly hence why they broke away, it was more or less her putting it on the table for me to digest. i know what i was told at the time gave me the confidence to pursue the relationship she afterall had been upfront ! or was she ? it did not seem to hold substance now because in the 2nd year of my relationship the ex lover started putting out friends requests on facebook after his wife passed away to all those he had been in contact with previously but not on facebook he was a tour guide so he did get passed details from those wanting to be in his circle of friends. he also had affairs despite being with a woman.my ex did accept this request yet it was kept from me a secret ! my 1st year with her went well we were very much adults in love and we had no issues although that was going to change .my second year came and often without any merit she would start being difficult for no reason often causing flare ups by criticizing me this happened both with her and when i was back home. i said on one occasion “who or what has made you like this ” my answer from her was as cutting as it could be..she said ” dont you bring anyone else into this relationship or i will end it ” .quite a shock for me ? it was not because her own attitude lent itself to more or less give me deep thoughts and through old fashioned detective work and 2 months approx of digging through social media i found the ex holiday romance in Egypt and she was just bombing him with likes but at the same time was writing jealous things in her diary over him,as for this part i may get raised eyebrows over the private affairs of a diary but these were more like notebooks which portrayed her days and all those who had crossed her path or what had not gone right or had gone right i never knew of there existence untill i was doing some shelving and i moved a few boxes and a bag which contained her current notebook ! so yes it was private i admit but should it have remained so. but boy did i not see just how much i was analyzed i wont dwell on this part because its the confusion i had with my years with her that i still cant see an answer. this confusion is.why would a woman send me 3 times a year thats valentines birthday and christmas such loving cards and gifts,yet when i was with her there was no emotion it was like there was no ability to have any,she would often put me down in front of family or indeed without anyone being there,i never got thanked for any of the work i did in her house to improve it and some of this work was large scale.her marriage many years ago she had 2 girls both grown up neither of them have had a good relationship with her with one leaving home at an early age because her mum was just too much to handle but after time she moved back home, but just only a year ago got married.the other daughter is married already, her 3rd daughter was with a partner she never married but he walked out on her and was never seen again, after this she then had the romance on holiday many yrs ago then she met me..so i guess by writing this here ive thought that the way i was put down then raised up again the i love you bits but then i hate you bits then i more or less see so much as to what others do,the final straw came when i was with her and my 83 yr old father was taking ill. i was several 100,s of miles away on an island with her and very concerned over him she never gave me any support, just cold responses.but it hit home when i came back home and she said via Skype all i did was go on about my father the 2 weeks i was with her and her family know this to be a lie i spoke of the situation for several days on and off over a week not every day. she was so bad the night i was online i told her she was horrible under the circumstances and he was still in hospital..her reply “well im sorry for your father but you did not have to be talking of the situation back home all the time when you were here ” i said to her ” i did not and i have proof via text messages with date stamps “.so where am i now ? well ive done no contact for 4 weeks ive checked skype and she still has me as a contact but as to why i dont know ! its almost like she is waiting for me to remove her as a contact which i know will cause a vile e mail from her hence why ive not done it yet or she waits to see if i do contact her so she can just be vile to me online. what hurts me is the cards and gifts they seem to make up for the lack of intimacy or empathy given by her,yet why on earth go to the trouble of finding such nice cards to then devalue me infront of her family and friends etc.makes no sense at all ! nor the obvious lies over a past romance.loves me she said yet still loves him secretly or loves neither of us .i certainly have felt the fool.

By: DonnyDanko

DonnyDanko — Fri, 09 Aug 2019 16:00:30 +0000

Narcissists are fascinating, I’ve got post grads coming out my ears and I only found out about these people recently. So many questions, are they sociopaths, on the autistic spectrum ( some of the loveliest people I’ve met are on the spectrum of autism) Have they had a prev head injury that has diminished ability to empathise with people and grow in relationships ?
They appear empathetic and will be fighting for social justice causes but will trample on the people closest to them. Absolutely engrossing condition. I think they study us with diligence and now I study them, after being almost taken in by such a ruthless con artist,who’s only communicated with me through a social media site, using a fake name, since we broke up it’s turned out to be one of the most interesting aspects of the human condition that I’ve yet to come across. I actually feel sorry for them, it’s such a waste of a life,
putting all those resources into trying to mess other people’s heads up for reasons yet not absolutely clear.

Get to know this condition and be vigilant – Not saying most people can’t be dicks at times, but a narcissist is a special kind of hard core !