By: Katherine McMuray

Katherine McMuray — Sun, 09 Oct 2022 08:29:06 +0000

I’m worried about how long it’s been and how cropped I still feel from narcissistic abuse. I should be proud of the things I’ve learned and how far I’ve come in the last year and a half, I deserve that.. I just feel so worthless, like I’m trying to live as a broken version of me. I’ll think I had a good day or few days but I still cry most nights, when im alone and I think about all the cruel, cold things. All the lies and manipulation, years of the most meaningful heartfelt gifts I’ve ever received. Finding out I meant less than nothing to this person I loved so dearly, going from their everything to being ghosted after years, all the promises all the deep things I only ever confided in them were twisted into something ugly and used against me, like all the praise I used to get for being their strength and joy, one true love.. none of it was real, I feel so ashamed, used, hurt all the time and it’s like nothing helps. I could have the best day and the pain hits me like a wave and then I can’t stop crying or thinking about it.. I just want to feel normal again… how can people who hurt so purposely, maliciously, sleep at night or live with the pain they give… it’s cost me my life, a promising career, my piece of mind, I always feel dirty and violated, the night before I woke up to a note labeling me crazy they were taking adult videos and pics in bed… the night before!! I felt like calling emergency services, I always feel like I’m being touched inappropriately now like I’m not a real person.. I was dehumanized and still lanes the abuser and there’s no fixing it, all I can do is swallow my pride and try to live again but everything feels hollow now. I can’t work I can barely take care of myself I just feel so used and done, I hate how my face looks now. I always look worried and sad and tired and old now.. I always feel that way.. like the pain is on my chest and I can’t breao

By: Tracy Lynn

Tracy Lynn — Tue, 06 Nov 2018 06:21:38 +0000

Kristen Milstead I have every characteristic listed under #2 & have suffered several kinds of childhood traumas. So i guess that makes me the perfect storm. He Blindsided (unsuspecting) me!!!! He asked me so many questions about myself right from the start! No one has ever done that on that scale to me before. I’ve never been married cuz I have serious trust issues & I lived through my mother’s 5 marriages (one of which had tragic consequences for me). I believe in ’till death do you part’ except in cases of abuse/infidelity. So I thought to myself…maybe after all your life (I was 48 when we met…I am now 52) you have found ‘the one’!! He Love-Bombed me Sooo Hard if I was in a fight it would have been equivalent to a one-punch knockout from Mike Tyson!! He also used the ‘Pity Ploy’ masterfully!!! He also looked Sooo closely into my background, he told me he even Google Mapped Every Address I’ve ever lived @ just to see them. All his detective work, Q&A’s & he even told me he could tell certain things about me when we very first met (like i have been through some trauma) cuz he has “studied” people all his life, how prophetic that statement would become to me 1 1/2 yrs. down the road when i finally started searching the internet trying to find out why he was soo loving then turns on a dime & “Devalues” me soo Ruthlessly (didn’t know the term for it then…but do now!)!!! What started the Devaluation period was I caught him in a Major Lie! He said when we met he didn’t have a GF….but when a RO from her came & he had to go to court where she was seeking & received a 2 yr. long Injunction for protection from Dating Violence….well that blew his cover!! He first deployed the Pity Ploy…..I Never touched her She was the one hitting Me…….she always said if i broke up with her she would do this to try to sabotage my teaching career (he’s going to college to be a teacher…What a Narc!). I had to listen to hours of stuff she suppossedly did to him & how she victimized him. When asked ‘One’ Direct Question I got the “Word Salad” (I would later come to know this term very well too) for literally almost an hour!! And Never got an answer!!! He really laid the Pity Ploy on Thick……he started talking for hours about his X-Wife & how She victimized Him & even going soo far as to say she was poisoning him for years, trying to kill him!!! And then said She was responsible for his Entire Family not speaking to him for 6 mths. (it went on for 3 yrs till I devised a way that eventually got them talking again….but I will Never get any credit from him for that!!). He said he had “No Idea” why no one was talking to him…he did “Nothing Wrong”….it was all that bitch x-wife’s doing (btw they had been divorced for 13 yrs & she was remarried with a kid). Then the more stuff I found out about all these other women….. being in an emotional affair on FB, flirtations, being “best friends” with one of his x-gf ….all this stuff was going on while he was with his GF & before he met me & it continued on while he was with me….i saw his FB, texts, calls, Messanger myself & confronted him…then he promptly locked me out of his phone stating, “You Misinterpreted all the things you read” so I’m locking you out so this non-sense doesn’t start fights between us!! THIS is what started the first Devaluation Period. “Gaslighting”, “Projecting”, “Blameshifting”, “Love Bombing”, “Devaluation”, Lies, Double Standards, Cheating (the Only form of cheating that I have no proof of is Physical….I Have A ZERO Tolerance Policy On That One!!!!! And he is Well Aware of it!!!) are all in my vocabulary now!! I have done A Lot of homework from scholarly sources on Narcs. Mine is a Covert, Mid-Range, Somatic Narc who is also physically abusive. We have a business together that for me is why we are still together, but we don’t live together. He was trying to talk me into moving in together early on (typical i now know) but I have my son that lives with me & goes to a local college….but if not for that….i probably would be his hostage right now! Close call on that one!!!! I Thank God everyday that did not come to pass!!!! There are no support groups in my area. Is there an on-line support group? Is this a support group? I am really in need of help. I already had C-PTSD when I met him….now 3 yrs. later suffering his abuse…….I am on anti-depressants but finding a qualified therapists that even has a sliding scale has been near impossible!!

Comments on: 5 Questions For Your Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program

By: Katherine McMuray

By: Tracy Lynn