Comments on: How to Outsmart a Narcissist and Break Their Spell

By: Christina Nelson

Christina Nelson — Mon, 20 Nov 2023 21:56:13 +0000

In reply to Sara.

Wow, I have been reading a lot about narsesiss for a while now after noticing troubling red flags with my youngest two boys’ Dad. He was quite charismatic at first. He led me to believe he was the victim and I actually felt bad for him when it came down to his ex. But now I realize that I only did her a favor and that he is not quite the catch I thought he was. He’s constantly accusing me of stuff I don’t do and have never done to him. But in all reality, he’s the liar, cheat, and terrible father. He has favorites with our boys and it breaks my heart and my older son’s heart. He keeps threatening me about my kids bc he has nothing to loose. See he doesn’t have custody of our boys. He relinquished his rights in court so he doesn’t care if he gets mine ripped away from me. He uses this as blackmail against me. Just so I won’t make him leave. He’s ruthless, and at first I had compassion for him. But I believe too much of that is dangerous when dealing with a narsesis. Because they have no care, concern, or compassion for you or anyone other than them for that matter. I’m planning my escape, so I really appreciated reading your input about this. Thanks again!

By: Mary

Mary — Wed, 10 May 2023 03:22:49 +0000

In reply to Sara. Thank you so much Sara. It's true everyone who knows nothing about this (wish I was one who never experienced it). I am so grateful to ya'll for sharing. I believe learning about this cycle NPD, etc empowers us, the victims . It strengthens me and begins to heal many wounds. Thank you, Sara

By: Jessie

Jessie — Sat, 15 May 2021 01:27:52 +0000

In reply to Kristen Milstead. Thank you because now I understand what I’m going through. I was so lost and even doubted myself. A friend even told me that I should have not expected more since we are not married. I was confused even longing for him although I knew there was something seriously wrong. I stopped asking in order to avoid a fight and the rage. Now that I’m back home and blocked him from contacting me i now see things clearly and understand specially after reading your article. Thank you so much

By: Kristen Milstead

Kristen Milstead — Sat, 15 May 2021 00:38:19 +0000

In reply to Jessie. Hi Jessie: I'm so sorry this is happening to you. My heart goes out to you to read the experiences you have been having. I hope that you are able to find some peace in all this and find your way out of his darkness. Stay strong! -Kristen

By: Jessie

Jessie — Fri, 14 May 2021 22:50:11 +0000

I’m in a discard phase with mine after 1 1/2 years of lying and cheating. Caught him soooo many times chatting texting sneaking calls with supposed ex plus so many women I can’t count anymore. When he is with me he blocks everyone and denies knowing whose calling if I bring it up he goes into a rage. Last straw found different opened boxes of condoms in his jacket on top of closet in his back pack. Found sex toy on top of his dresser he denied using it with someone. He deletes security camera history he switches it offline and claims it’s provider fault. Does not answer calls all day and night and claims phone was dead no charger or no signal. Last Thursday he joked that nobody loves him so I jokingly mentioned that all the women he is chatting with seeing and meeting for. Sex all loves him and that i was proud that he now uses condoms. He went into a rage and accused me that our relationship won’t work that I will never change so it’s better to pack my things and he is driving me back to NY which is 3 hour drive from PA. He already contacted his ex and a woman he had a child back home in the Philippines and had affair with while married. I’m drained.

By: Nicholas ODosey

Nicholas ODosey — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 22:04:50 +0000

I called mine selfish and she discarded me and is with someone else. We were engaged.

While my heart understands all this, its hard for my heart. Still miss her. Still think of her. It will take time

By: Sara

Sara — Sat, 22 Jun 2019 04:46:01 +0000

I was in 2 narcissistic relationships 8 years ago. Before these I had never experienced or even knew these predators existed and how the 4 cycles worked. I did intense work on myself and never thought I could be fooled again.
In Decembee I became FB friends with someone I meant in 6th grade and knew through high school. We were not friends, we just knew of each other. We began talking.in December, he flew to see me in Feb. He was my kindred spirit I believed. I feel because we grew up in the same area, we had both left our home states and we had so much in common. We were in love, he was planning on moving her to live with me at the new year 2020. There were some flags or things I tucked away in my intuition file. Fast forward to June and I had seen inconsistencies, noticed other things as well. He argued with me a few times very recently and tried to shut me down. I know who I am and this is what saved me. I trusted my gut. I KNEW he was covert narcissist. He had barely dropped his mask but I knew what was coming
I lived this nightmare before and I wasn’t waiting to be sure.
I immediately issued NO.CONTACT
I blocked all numbers, I blocked anyone on FB who knew both of is or who he was friend with..sadly this included some of my immediate family who I convinced I was with THE ONE
When you do this to a narcissist before they even truly devalue you and truse me discard was not in this person vision..they become I infuriated. I had to try an explain to my family. I know from learning the hard way trying to explain narcissistic abuse to anyone who has not experienced it..you look delusional. I accept this. He tried to feign caring about me to family and friends and when this didn’t work he flipped or his mask fell off un writing. This was a vital mistake because before this it.was his word against mine.
I have learned to do NO CONTACT FOR REAL no to play a game or get them back. I also know use them for what they are. A mirror to our parts which need healing. They are a catalyst for growth. I don’t ponder about this person.
He has threatened to come to the city I live through a mutual friend.
I understand fully how dangerous a covert narcissist who is dealt a narcissitic injury like this is capable of anything
He has no power over me and had no idea I was planning.MY EXIT. As soon as I realized..when things were “still good” I executed my EXIT PLAN. Do I feel bad he didn’t see it coming? NO! It only gets work folks and they annihilate you if you let them.
I have empathy for these broken individuals but not to the extent where I will go back, unblock or ever reengage
Melanie Tonia Evan’s is a women who specialized in this and I have learned so much.
I am exhausted, I feel betrayed and disappointed but no surprised. These predators exist and always will..it’s the victims who carry so much damage unless we do the work.
It is an invidious disorder but we can heal and thrive!
It is our only hope..

By: Kristen Milstead

Kristen Milstead — Sat, 18 May 2019 21:46:27 +0000

In reply to S.. You're so welcome. I'm so glad that it's been helpful for you. I'm so glad that you're out of the relationship and feeling stronger now. -Kristen

By: S.

S. — Sat, 18 May 2019 13:07:34 +0000

Read this again if you are struggling with what to do. Read it every day. I did this, most of it, and am 2 months no contact after 12 yrs of confusion and abuse.
It works. I wish I’d seen this article before I left since I muddled through figuring it out as I went but it works. It will change your perspectives. It will help you. Please, please, Save yourselves. They are not worth sacrificing your life for.
Thank you Kristen for putting into words every single thing I’ve felt for over a decade.

By: Kate

Kate — Fri, 10 May 2019 11:33:57 +0000

Great article. Very helpful and knowledgeable to discern the pattern, and how to break it.