Comments on: “Not My Boyfriend” Syndrome: The Narcissist’s Best Weapon is Our Own Denial https://fairytaleshadows.com/not-my-boyfriend-syndrome-the-narcissists-best-weapon-is-your-own-denial/ Living Through and Recovering From a Relationship with a Narcissist Sat, 13 Feb 2021 02:30:02 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.7.5 By: MM https://fairytaleshadows.com/not-my-boyfriend-syndrome-the-narcissists-best-weapon-is-your-own-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-423 Sun, 26 Aug 2018 05:07:59 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=1064#comment-423 “He had excuses for saying what he said had to the others. Always reasons why he was going around claiming he loved other people. It’s quite strange, but he made it seem like it was something people did every day– just text people or walk up to them and claim to love them but then tell someone else it hadn’t been real.”

Yes! I too was told “they are just texts. What, I can’t say such things to my friends?” “This person means nothing to me.” “This person is just somebody I know, who you will be glad to know is also is rather stupid.” Exactly as you have described, and this was even my exact response: “You don’t just tell your coworkers or people you barely know that you love them or want to see them naked. It makes no sense.”

Turns out I was living with a crazy person who has no emotions and only uses such words to seek out attention from others. But why would they do so with someone whom they declare to be stupid? To make themselves feel superior, I suppose.

]]> By: Kristen Milstead https://fairytaleshadows.com/not-my-boyfriend-syndrome-the-narcissists-best-weapon-is-your-own-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-420 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 22:02:07 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=1064#comment-420 In reply to Faith.

Hi Faith: I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. Narcissists experience a cycle of love where with every new cycle, they idealize their new partner and it feels as if they have never experienced this before. Inevitably, the realities of the real world come crashing down and that’s when the trouble sets in. Narcissists generally cannot just “change” on their own and they can’t do it without serious therapy because they have developed defense mechanisms over a long period of time– even if they want to change, they usually don’t know how. It may last for a short period of time, a few weeks. I wrote some articles about narcissists and love to try to answer some of these questions. How he feels about his past girlfriends and what they went through is a crystal ball for what may end up happening to you, so please keep that in mind. You’re here reading about narcissistic abusive relationships so something must have brought you here! Please take care of yourself. -Kristen

]]> By: Faith https://fairytaleshadows.com/not-my-boyfriend-syndrome-the-narcissists-best-weapon-is-your-own-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-419 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 16:03:36 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=1064#comment-419 I am seeing more and more of these characteristics in my boyfriend. Just wife tried to warn me about the type of person he was but I refuse to believe her. I just thought she was being vindictive because he left her for me. I see more and more signs of his narc behavior all the time,but try to accept it. Maybe he will change for me he says he loves me like hes never loved anyone before is it possible for him to change?

]]> By: Nicole DuBois https://fairytaleshadows.com/not-my-boyfriend-syndrome-the-narcissists-best-weapon-is-your-own-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-418 Mon, 23 Apr 2018 14:24:15 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=1064#comment-418 ]]> Kristen, every blog I read of yours is like you’re in my mind and a fly on the wall the last 13 Years of my relationship. Yes, I am the idiot who kept up the facade of “not my boyfriend” for so long, even though friends and family kept telling me this was wrong, this wasn’t love. They just didn’t get it, they didn’t see what I saw when we were together, the sweet, loving man who just needed someone to love him unconditionally and never leave him. I could do that! I could be the one to show him what true love was! Sure, he cheated over and over and over… but always came back to me declaring I was his one. He couldn’t live without me in his life…I also have Borderline Personality Disorder which includes intense emotional attachment to people and fear of abandonment and never feeling good enough. To say this was the perfect storm and I was/am his perfect victim is an understatement.
I also became fully financially dependent on him which of course fueled the part of the relationship where they tell you you are selfish and ungrateful and some other expletives that he enjoys throwing at me that I cannot write.
So after years of pure emotional, mental, sometimes physical torture, several stays in the hospital because of attempted overdoses, almost succumbing to alcohol abuse to numb and block out the pain, especially when he disappeared on me at night because he was out with some other woman, heavy therapy for my BPD which he would come to at least once a month, very often saying to the therapist “did you fix her yet?” not knowing that the therapist was also trying to convince me I was in an abusive relationship, and I would tell her no every single time.
So, finally this past year I could not keep my head in the sand any longer… he has “replaced” me as his “number one” throwing me just enough scraps to keep me hanging on and saying “no.no no, this is not happening, he loves me! I know he does” No, Nicole, no he doesn’t. I read your articles every day and just cry at the the truth of it all. I am trying to get strong and to go no contact. One thing sabotaging it is the money situation that we need to finalize when we separate. He says the sooner the better so we never have to speak or see each other again, yet won’t make the move to finalize it and give me the money. That was 2 weeks ago. I’ve been looking for a job for months. Between the abuse and my BPD I find it very hard, some days have to drag myself out of bed to face the day “without any purpose”. I mean if I don’t have him to chase after and worry about and do things for, what am I supposed to do? Who am I?
You’re articles give me strength and hope that there is a beautiful warm light at the end of this dark, cold tunnel..
Thank you. Thank you for your words, for your sharing and for your strength! ❤️

]]> By: Kristen Milstead https://fairytaleshadows.com/not-my-boyfriend-syndrome-the-narcissists-best-weapon-is-your-own-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-414 Thu, 05 Apr 2018 12:20:07 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=1064#comment-414 In reply to Searching for hope….

You are welcome and I’m so sorry! I have discovered that some of the contact messages go into my Spam box and I’m not sure why. I just found it and will reply shortly. Thank you!

]]> By: Kristen Milstead https://fairytaleshadows.com/not-my-boyfriend-syndrome-the-narcissists-best-weapon-is-your-own-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-413 Thu, 05 Apr 2018 12:18:23 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=1064#comment-413 In reply to Searching for hope….

Oh wow! I feel truly touched and honored to have been nominated by you. Thank you so much.

]]> By: Searching for hope... https://fairytaleshadows.com/not-my-boyfriend-syndrome-the-narcissists-best-weapon-is-your-own-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-412 Thu, 05 Apr 2018 02:49:05 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=1064#comment-412 In reply to Mary Beth Marlar.

Thank you Mary Beth! What is the name of your blog?

]]> By: Searching for hope... https://fairytaleshadows.com/not-my-boyfriend-syndrome-the-narcissists-best-weapon-is-your-own-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-411 Thu, 05 Apr 2018 02:14:09 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=1064#comment-411 Hi! I nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award!
https://nomoreshamingtheabused.com/2018/04/04/sunshine-blogger-award/

]]> By: Searching for hope... https://fairytaleshadows.com/not-my-boyfriend-syndrome-the-narcissists-best-weapon-is-your-own-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-410 Wed, 04 Apr 2018 23:57:24 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=1064#comment-410 In reply to Mary Beth Marlar.

Thank you Mary Beth. I will…Recovery will take a long long time but I don’t have a choice. I have two kids who need me – Take care.

]]> By: Searching for hope... https://fairytaleshadows.com/not-my-boyfriend-syndrome-the-narcissists-best-weapon-is-your-own-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-409 Wed, 04 Apr 2018 23:56:30 +0000 https://fairytaleshadows.com/?p=1064#comment-409 In reply to Kristen Milstead.

Thank you Kristen. I really appreciate it. I sent an email – not sure if you got it. Asked if you were in DC because I’m here. Email me if you are interested in meeting up. Take care and thanks again for helping me feel sane and for expressing what I feel when I can’t…

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