Comments on: Narcissistic Abuse is a Dangerous Cocktail of Three Types of Emotional Abuse

By: Done with Abuse

Done with Abuse — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 01:12:53 +0000

Thank you for this. I have been coming here daily for a while during the pandemic and it has been getting me through. I started EMDR recently (which is what brought me here), and have begun what I believe is the homestretch of leaving him. I have an 18-month-old after a decade-long marriage worth of losses, and I am more determined than ever to get the f- out of here and never come back. I used to be afraid to do all of the things I am doing now with some degree of ease. To anyone reading this wondering if will survive this–you CAN and WILL if you don’t give up! Don’t stop believing in Yourself and the one you have always been. If I can get to this place, anyone can. Though I am not out of the fog fully, I see the light at the other side and it is glorious. My sweet baby and me will start over anew, and find love together and within ourselves. Wishing everyone health, healing, and thriving. Cheers!

By: Cindy mayer

Cindy mayer — Tue, 15 Oct 2019 23:46:57 +0000

In reply to Collette.

My traumatic divorce from the narcissist with the financial devastation and having to enforce the divorce agreement court order continues 12 years later. It’s hard to shake the consequences of a long term marriage with a narcissist. I’ve finally accepted that nothing will protect me short of death. I’m almost 54 and I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t have any contact. He continues to find ways to financially destroy me. The power and corruption of an intelligent narcissist when you are older and have children with them is truly infinite. He was my provider for 25 years and I wish there was help. It’s not an emotional situation. It’s a issue of how they continue to hurt, be in contempt of court and Influence the legal system as mine is fairly predominant in the area.

By: Susie Smith

Susie Smith — Tue, 15 Oct 2019 04:09:30 +0000

Wow what a helpful post. You have given me much needed information. I have read several articles and none of them explain what has happened to me and how to cope with it like you describe here. Amazing thanks for caring enough to write it.

By: Terry

Terry — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 19:31:06 +0000

Excellent article! I never realized I was in such a toxic relationship. I was emotionally and financially abused. Unfortunately my ex won’t speak to two of our children because they have a relationship with me. He talks to the other two and they have a relationship with me too. Makes no sense. He trashes me to everybody including our kids. They are all adults. I divorced him last year. After 30 years of marriage!

By: Amanda

Amanda — Fri, 07 Jun 2019 14:53:58 +0000

In reply to Cindy.

‘Slow cocktail of cruelty and abuse … ‘

Perfectly sums it up .. thank you … I’ve written this down and pinned it to my wall in the kitchen .. I will remind myself of this everyday to help me maintain NC. It’s so hard to get through .. but I know in my heart it’s the only way forward.

By: Collette

Collette — Fri, 07 Jun 2019 03:27:07 +0000

Thank you Kristen….you go a long way towards helping me understand what was and to a lesser extent is still happening to me after 37 years of married life.
I consider myself an intelligent educated person but I failed to miss what was happening to me until it was nearly too late…..at first I rationalised the physical abuse as something I had done but as time went on and the abuse escalated to include financial, sexual and mental abuse and the violence amped up I knew I was in trouble. Even then it took me many months though before I could cry for help, however small that was. We had got very adept at hiding what was happening behind closed doors. I say we because I participated in the illusion as well… albeit to protect myself.
I escaped from my home a year ago now but the mental torment continues, the financial hardship is horrendous and occasionally there is still the physical abuse when I inadvertently come face to face with my former partner.
I wonder when it will all end, when will I get my life back? I know it won’t be the old me I get back but I long for the day when there is a “Me”
I continue to not sleep, I no longer fully believe in my abilities and have a fear of looking in the mirror because of the toll this has taken on me. I have lost friends and family and sometimes just the simple will to live. But then the sun breaks through and I’m glad of where I am, as hard as it is. I continue to read your articles and as I do, I understand more and the more I understand the further away I can move. Without the support of some wonderful friends new and old I wouldn’t be here today. They continue to support me, encourage me and endorse all I do…they grumble at me, push me, challenge me…..they love me and continue to try to get me to love me.
The journey will be long but I’m beginning to see a tiny glimmer on the horizon now, I can now say…..one that will continue to grow.

By: Bob

Bob — Thu, 06 Jun 2019 23:53:04 +0000

Very good work Kristen like always. this DAM model is complicated internally yet simplified into the categories, one of the most important parts is not being aware of it happening, after becoming aware and with some time of being aware an still in it, it’s more easily recognizable. As for the N recognizing they are doing this is a question, I feel that my N is not capable of thinking this strategy, but dose it very well and has being for a long time. Nature or nurture ? it don’t matter anyway it’s being done. And don’t even try to explain or change any of this with the N, I tried for over a decade thinking I could change things.

Cindy I have to comment on your older adults thought, at 64 I feel that we or I am more easily adaptable to change or starting over, cause of the many changes life has thrown at us, that we have endured and recognizing that we only have so much time to make hard decisions. To look at the months or longer road ahead to healing an rebuilding is the hardest task. Maybe that’s just me I’m a builder by trade, getting used to taking time for things to come to fruition. The old saying Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Kristen I’m hoping you will think about an write for the older adult, I’ve looked everywhere and as far as N relationships go late life awakening to N abuse seems to be a neglected subject.
Silver splitters grey divorce don’t cover this type of situation.

Never give up
Bob

By: Debra A Finley

Debra A Finley — Thu, 06 Jun 2019 20:32:02 +0000

In reply to Carol. Yes Carol, you are so right.I will heal and Iam moving forward slowly.Baby steps.Thank you and God Bless you.

By: Carol

Carol — Thu, 06 Jun 2019 19:40:19 +0000

In reply to Debra A Finley. Debra-the narcissist is not where your story ends. If you once gave it all to the narcissist, you can now honot yourself by giving your all to you. Hold steady. You are not alone. KEEP GOING!

By: Carol

Carol — Thu, 06 Jun 2019 19:20:43 +0000

This is PERFECT!!! Thank you so much for laying it out. Fantastic article, which I will keep with your many others.