beautifully written. remember you are strong, you got this.

I don’t think that I can adequately convey how grateful I am to have stumbled across this profoundly important, life-altering and in some cases likely even life-saving resource. I have been in love with a flat-out lie for 10 years of my life now and the articles I found here have provided me with the affirmation that I needed to finally take the blinders off and see the love of my life for what she really is; broken and desperately trying to hide from the world while trying to inflict upon it all of the misery she harbors. How miserable that life must be.

My experience was not nearly as horrifying as many of the nightmares I’ve read about people living in some of the comments. I am sending strength to every single survivor about, if anybody needs a sounding board please reach out to one of the many resources provided on here or in your community. Nobody deserves to worship an illusion and be repeatedly punished for it.

I know I invited this person to bleed me dry as a result of my own inability to accept and love myself, stemming back to a rough childhood and distorted view of who I am/was, she was just doing what she had to do to have her needs met and I was low-hanging fruit. I was a willing participant in my own torture. I’m 2 years and 2 months into my break from daily hard drug use and am damn proud of that fact. I don’t try to hide my shame of the struggles struggles I faced anymore and have a healthy respect and appreciation for myself for once in my life. I’m 38 years old and have never felt this confident or optimistic in my life. It feels absolutely fantastic, until it doesn’t.

I quit cocaine cold turkey and am still constantly exposed to it, not being able to bring myself to abandon the fellow users that dealt with me being completely delusional and just a disaster emotionally. It is easy to stay away from this trap now that I am not living in despair and trying to smother it every single day. I somehow managed to sustain my job while using every single day, for fear of losing her if I lost my job. The thought of losing this woman kept me from hitting rock bottom completely. I cling so hard to what was leaving me on ruin year after year as we fulfilled the cycle that it kept me digging deeper to muster the strength to keep going every day.

The incredibly tough part of all of this is she seemed to be trying desperately to save me from myself during the love-bombing periods and this is the reality I tried to keep ahold of when reality was questionable at best. The one thing I can’t seem to do is shake the love I still hold for her. I’m four months in to no contact and still have days where I’m just thinking constantly about how good this could have been if it was genuine. That part is going to take a long while to diminish I fear.

It is so incredibly confusing to wrap my head around the fact that I need to cut off the very person that laid the framework for my journey to self-realization. I had no idea what was happening. I was working so hard to become the man I always thought she saw to keep fighting the good fight and win her back and try to keep her from discarding me again that I actually managed to come out of this heavily upgraded.

It is so counter intuitive to lock out somebody that I owe such a debt of gratitude. Of course it was me doing the heavy-lifting along the way, but if not for her I may never have come into my own, I certainly wouldn’t have been on the fast track. I had some narcissistic tendencies of my own from the outset of this relationship and have shed these, put the ego in check and feel so much deeper than ever before.

It kills me that she struggles with the same feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness that kept me in this mess for so long but took the road of the victim instead of the survivor and now I have to leave her in the dust. She will never see that it’s the best thing I can do for both of us and when no contact ends this time she will be met with indifference from me for the first time ever. I can see the attempts to ruin me lurking in wait already. I got this and am .just chock-full of resolve. We have 2 young sons together so contact will resume one day but my love for those boys, myself and even her will keep me from perpetuating this nightmare Time for the cycle to be broken.

I know my story is vastly different than most and I am inexplicably.grateful for that, I know how callously some other souls are being torn to pieces and hope I don’t come off like I’m trying to make this sound like an easy road by any stretch of the imagination, Rather I am trying to offer some hope for those still reeling and in need of a raft. It does get better. It took 9 years for me to be able to come out of this intact and I know I’m not and may never be fully out of the woods. But now I’m trying to celebrate life, new found strength and forgiveness. That’s just how I roll, which it what landed me into the cross-hairs to begin with. Boundaries and self-worth are the key. Despair is the slippery slope that leads back into the pit.

Please anybody struggling, reach out. As hard as it will be after the isolation and lack of support and every glimmer of good seeming to have a heavy price coming behind it, the universe has your back and will put the people you need into your orbit, believe in yourself at all costs, and when you’re ready come dance and sing with me. You deserve it!! Your Parasite will hate to see you smiling too, sweet revenge!

I am a musician as well and wanted to offer some of the tracks from my own recovery/celebration/steeling myself to not give into her charm and the urge to have the good times back soundtrack.

Duncan Sheik-Barely Breathing

I know what you’re doing
I see it all too clear
I only taste the saline
When I kiss away your tears
You really had me goin’
Wishin’ on a star
The black holes that surround you
Are heavier by far
I believed in your confusion
You were so completely torn
It must’ve been that yesterday
Was the day that I was born

Mumford And Sons-The Cave

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it’s meant to be

Joan Jett-I Hate Myself For Loving You

Daylight, spent the night without you
But I’ve been dreamin’ ’bout the lovin’ you do
I’m over being angry ’bout the hell you put me through

ROLLING IN THE DEEP is the perfect Narcissist song. Adele always said it was a love turned to shite.

I’D DO ANYTHING (from “Oliver”) – somebody ensnared by a Narcissist, a giver until he finds that he’s been had. But still too love-struck to make a difference.

BLACK (by Pearl Jam) – you can feel the pain in Eddie Vedder’s voice and lyrics about the love he gave everything for, only to leave him in shambles. Vedder didn’t want it to be a “hit” because it was so personal.

I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW, THE RAIN IS GONE, made popular by Jimmy Cliff – when the “cluster fog” lifts, and returns the target to clarity.

LUCID DREAMS (by Juice Wrld) he wrote as a therapy session.

I’M LOOKING THROUGH YOU by Paul McCartney, about girlfriend Jane Asher, who wouldn’t give up her career for his needs. Hard to say who was the actual narcissist, but a good song about the revelation of seeing what once was love was more of an illusion.

And since about a third of pwNPD are women, it’s worth checking out CAKE’s version of “I WILL SURVIVE” — really interesting to hear the male take on the Gloria Gaynor lyrics. Remarkably powerful in fact, and a fun music video to match!

Hi Gwen: Thank you for these awesome suggestions! I love that you’ve added descriptions. I’ve heard of some of these. I’ll take a look at all of them as soon as I have a chance and add them if they seem to fit with the list. Stay strong and take care. -Kristen

The arsonist by Pucifer
I love, love, love this track. I loved it before I knew anything about narcissism, but it took on a much deeper meaning after I discovered what was happening.

Wide Awake by Katy Perry
Listening to this after my relationship ended, touched me on a whole other level of understanding.

Perfect Illusion by Lady Gaga
It’s all right there in the title.

By the Grace of God by Katy Perry
That cathartic song when you just need a good, long, healing, cleansing cry. For me, this song is raw, candid, and empowering.

And last but not least….
Gaslighter and Sleep at Night by the Chicks
Gaslighter, because, yeah…100% relatable.
Sleep at night, though….this track got me…it’s haunting. I’m glad she decided to share her experience. It’s true when she says we’re only as sick as our deepest secrets.

I recently just found an old favourite song of mine and after listening the lyrics closer realised it is infact about being in a narcissistic relationship. Totally serendipitous. So then I went on the hunt to find some more and I found this little gem of a page, so thank you. Music really does heal.

Anyway, thanks heaps for what you do.

Ps. The song is Stolen Car by Beth Orton
Not angry or depressing either : )

J.