Wow! Its like we both have been with the same person! Unbelievable… I keep wondering, obviously i am confused if my current boyfriend is a narcissist. But i exoerience the same actions like you have. We are long distance and we met once. After that all hell broke loose, i didnt recognize who is this person i fell in love with… I am so scared and confused to go no contact… But he became so cold and distant i asked many times what is wrong or what happened. All he says its nothing is wrong, he is busy/tired with work and sometimes needs some space and that i look for his mistakes and want to fight all the time… And then he blames me for everything… And then he dissapears for hours or days. No text, no phone call, yet telling me nothing is wrong…. I feel like i am losing my mind….

Wowwwww sounds so much like me n hubby, I like you probably would have put up with the abuse as long as you have, but my hubby just died after 20 yrs of abuse, all I kno after 9 months of his death is I’m free!!! I tried even going to another country once!! He used to b a cop, and you kno how they stick together, yepp he got a private detective, I really am glad you have a plan in place. He died at home just me n him here, after he died I stood at the foot of his bed and told him, im done now I fullfilled my vows, am I happy, I dont c that not really, it’s more relief, I miss what I thought we had. Divorce was always on the table, but in the end he’d sweet talk me out of it. He’d been in hosp 10 days, docs couldnt do anymore for him n its in the middle of covid, so they sent him home, his words to me on the phone from the hosp were he wanted to come home to die, and I could stay there /here if i wanted. He’d also tell me he loved me everytime we ended a call, I told him I didnt ever want to hear that from him again, I didn’t either. I went so far as to tell him i detested him a few days b4 he died. Writing this has made me feel a bit guilty, I guess its human nature, but no im not gonna go there anymore, I dont have to. I kno i have alot of work ahead of me to wash him out of my mind and heart, and I will, this now is my time!! Thanx so much for lettn me ramble on, I truly wish you the best.

Dear Ann,

I hope you are in a better place now, far away from that terror of your life. Your story is horrible, and i feel deeply with you. 37 years of your life spend in such a nightmare with a man that clearly did´nt deserve you. I only spend 1,5 years with mine, and ran away 3 weeks ago. It is tough but we have to remember that there is a good happy life for us out there – after putting in the hard work of finding ourselves again and setting our boundaries. We have to become our own best friends. And remember to shed the the gulit that we carry, which is not ours to carry.
Best of luck from Julie in Denmark

I’ve been feeling horrible lately. I decided to end things 1 month ago because he got physical for the first time. I was in this relationship for two years. Giving everything I had to him, while he only had aweful things to say about me.

When we met he told me I was gorgeous and he was instantly in love with me. After a while, after I’d fallen in love with him he started changing. Suddenly I was too fat (and believe me… I’m not), I wore too much or not enough make up, he compared me to other women constantly and really made a sport out of it making sure I knew that he was looking at others. Whenever I would be fed up with the way he treated me, he would simply look at me as if I was the most boring person in the world. He would keep staring at me, silently, while I was crying and telling him that I felt hurt because of all the things he said. A couple of times he said he was sorry and then the emotional abuse would be gone for a couple of weeks. Everytime I was hopeful things were getting better, they got bad again.

Besides the awful words he often was extremely distant. He went from an amazing lover to someone who never sat next to me on the couch, never made love to me anymore unless he needed a quick fix, never gave me the feeling he loved me or needed me. Nothing. I was so lonely

And then he also blamed me for everything… I couldn’t talk to him either. He would be the most lazy person I knew and never helped around the house. When I got frustrated he told me I should ask him if I wanted something done. But when I asked him he called me a ‘nag.’ So I couldn’t tell him that I was fed up with something, because then I was nagging. I could discuss stuff with him because then I was nagging. And if I asked more than 1 question I was nagging as well. So in the end I was afraid of asking/telling/discussing things with him because he would define me as a person that nags all the time.

So I ended it. And I thought things were gonna get better instantly. Which they did. Really. I feel a lot calmer now that he’s moved out than when he still lived here. There’s only 1 problem: He doesn’t stop contacting me. I blocked all of his social media, I blocked his number. The only thing he can reach me on is through mail. I have to keep 1 line of communication open because with him moving out there are still things that need to be taken care of. But since we broke up he contacted me every day. But not to say he’s sorry…. no. To blame me that I was nagging all the time and that it ruined us.

At first I reacted to his messages, mails, whatever. Because I felt hurt. I hoped that at least he would see what he did to me. I hoped that at least he was a little hurt for losing me. But he’s not… he’s perfectly fine and happy. He sent me this mail yesterday saying that he felt bad that he wasn’t feeling bad. So he just wanted me to know that he was feeling bad for not missing me.

It destroys me. It’s not fair that I’m aching and missing this a**hole while he is just… happy?

I know I made the right decision. I know it. But it kills me that I meant so little and that I’m so easy to get over.

He will try because he needs to have the control factor over you and he will manipulate your son into believing you are mentally sick.

He may not even try…..easier to find new prey