Comments on: 7 Things That Supercharge Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

By: Angel

Angel — Tue, 02 Mar 2021 11:13:21 +0000

This article gives me hope. Though my ex husband I’d definitely a Narcissist, I didn’t see it at the time. My sister told me she was cheating on her husband with a married man. She used me as excuse to visit him ( bday trip) & then dumped the affair info on me – completely blindsided me. She expected me to keep her secret & be happy for her. I was disgusted, as my ex cheated on me & she’d ghosted me while I was going through my divorce.
What opened my eyes was triggered
by how she began treating her husband and kids. She suddenly was my Father reincarnated, and I was 5yrs old again, our parents had separated because mom chose the hwy over Dad’s “my way’. I flashed back to what my Narcissistic father put me through being 3 yrs older, something snapped and everything that I grew up thinking was normal, wasn’t normal at all, but was all I’d ever known.
You don’t know what you don’t know.
Once I began seeing it I couldn’t stop. I was the rebellious Scapegoat the majority of the time, though so I now know dad triangulated us against one another. I moved out at 18, got a far away from my family as possible. While my sister the golden child followed in her idol’s footsteps (dads).
Im trying to move forward, my father passed away before I even recognized what he was, my sister I saw under her mask and she knew it, I became the enemy, and she started with her smear campaign & flying monkeys, & my emotionally unavailable boyfriend refused to listen or acknowledge my life experiences that I needed validated. I shattered, total breakdown lost my job, became deeply depressed & move in with Mom 30 yrs after I left.
I have been no contact with my sister for about 18 mos. However I feel stuck as I am living with our mother who wants to remain in neutral, yet in doing so actually enables my sister.
How do I get beyond this all I’ve journaled, I realize I’m not to blame, but I’m not able to reprogram myself to believe in me. I’m not sure I even know who I am anymore. Please help me to let go of the guilt, shame and negative self worth that had been with me as long as I can remember. I’m doing my best, but any advice, recommendations, or where to get help without a job/ insurance I’d be truly grateful for, the chance to be free to live for myself first for the first time in my life

By: Kristen Milstead

Kristen Milstead — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:04:01 +0000

Hi Stephanie: I’m so sorry to hear about what you are going through. So much of what you describe sounds so familiar to me. There are so many of us who have been through some of these same scenarios and though you may feel alone, please know you are not. There is a vibrant community online of people who are willing to offer support and many resources as well to help. Please look for the youtube videos of seasoned coaches such as Richard Grannon that can empower and keep your mind strong, practice self-care and meditate if you can, and try Tracy Malone’s page with thousands of resources, including links to local communities maybe in your area that offer support http://www.narcissistabusesupport.com. I also have a free toolkit for recovery here and page here on my website that contains a list of books that I found very useful in the early days. Both are located on tabs at the top of the home page. Please let me know if you need help finding them. Stay strong! -Kristen

By: Stephanie Allen

Stephanie Allen — Thu, 23 Aug 2018 21:33:38 +0000

Iam in the middle of a custody battle with my soon to be ex husband of 17 years. I’m struggling really bad. No one understands what I’m going through or what really happened to me. He has turned my sister which was my best friend against me. And I feel so alone. He has moved on with a new woman and says how happy he is and actually found love. I have 3 children with this man. And gave half my life too. It’s so hard to truly let go bc he is all I can remember since we were together so long. But he has tortured me and made me out to be the abuser. He has done everything from abusing my kids, sneaking out in the middle of the night to physical abuse. But mostly verbal I’m actually a pretty girl but he tells me I’m gross and ugly. It’s horrible. Why do I think I miss him sometimes and I can’t seem to get it in my head that he never loved me even though he tells me that he didn’t. I don’t want this new girl around my kids. And I’m scared the courts will believe him and lose my kids. I’ve read that verbal abuse can cause you to have autoimmune disorders and I developed narcolepsy, fibromyalgia, depression, chronic fatigue syndrome and more. I’m disabled and on disability bc of his abuse. Now I believe I’m dealing with PTSD and I’m scared I may never get better. My 2 teenaged boys have learned to not respect me from him and they are depressed and one is suicidal. Is there anyway for me to prove or anyway help the courts to realize the truth of what he has done to us. Because he makes up so many lies about me like I’m a drug addict bc im on Medicine for my health issues he caused. I want my life back bc I can’t do anything my house is a wreak and my life and I’m scared I may never be me again.

By: Kristen Milstead

Kristen Milstead — Fri, 11 May 2018 02:30:06 +0000

In reply to Sarah. Hi Sarah: I'm glad to hear you've been able to go to therapy! That book you mentioned is a great one. It's my strong belief that, though we do need to understand what our own vulnerabilities are, we do need to understand our abuser as well. Understanding narcissistic abusers helps us to understand how what they did wasn't personal and can help us move on, and, as you said, also helps us learn what to be on the look out so we don't fall for this kind of thing again! -Kristen

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sun, 06 May 2018 13:48:51 +0000

In reply to Kristen Milstead. Kristen, I understand completely. I just broke off my 3 year relationship on April 2 after months of steadily increasing abuse that culminated one night in some physical violence and being called horrible names that I didn’t deserve. I put up with 3 weeks of roller-coaster behavior after that, with him alternating between begging to come back and verbally abusing me when I didn’t immediately do what he wanted. I finally went no contact 6 days ago with a restraining order. I heard already started therapy a couple of weeks ago with the intent of trying to figure out what is wrong with me that I would put up with someone like that. But I also want to understand what’s going on with him because I am left with questions about how much was actually real, or if I was just used the entire time. I bought the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft yesterday and stayed up very late last night, reading almost the entire book. I feel it’s an important part of the process of learning how to stay away from relationships like that to not only figure out myself, but learn how the mind of an abuser works as well.

By: Kristen Milstead

Kristen Milstead — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 22:22:16 +0000

In reply to Sarah. Truly, I think it's because so much of what they did doesn't make sense to us and we are left with a big puzzle. That's why one of the things I started doing was the "think like a narcissists" piece. Once I tried to get in their head and understand why they do what they do, it answered some questions for me and I stopped sitting around wondering why things happened like they did. I think I could have waited months or years longer to just let it fade away but this worked faster for me personally.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 22:04:38 +0000

How is it that we become addicted to learning about narcissism even once it’s over?
Yes we looking for reasons and answers but it’s of no use as they are Already on to the new supply not giving a damn about you.
Don’t we still give them too much head space ? What happened to mind over matter?

By: Susan

Susan — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 04:17:39 +0000

Thanks Kristen , going on 10 months no contact , amen … slowly getting better , it was great the first year and wham 3 more years of who f**k is this ? True colours came out , when you have never dealt with this behaviour , it really turns your world upside down .all I can say is “I’m the normal one “because I know what empathy is ????

By: Kristen Milstead

Kristen Milstead — Tue, 20 Mar 2018 17:27:57 +0000

In reply to Susan collins.

Hello Susan,

Thank you for visiting my website and taking the time to share what you’ve been through. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through this. The pain that they put us through is some of the worst we can experience. I’m so glad you’re free of him now.

Kristen

By: Susan collins

Susan collins — Tue, 20 Mar 2018 04:12:38 +0000

Thank you , my first 3 months had been hell of no contact … the nightmares of him screaming at me inches away from my face, I would recoil and tell him it was not right … the joking around he did , was hurting me to the core , was not normal … the lies I questioned , made him go off like a rocket and saying I was crazy …. I went from kaos to deafening peace and quiet!!!!! After he put his hands on me for second time , I had enough , called the cops , I was so broken inside and made sure he could not contact me at alll …. I gave 100% to the devil … NEVER AGAIN , thank you again , great advise.