Comments on: Eleven Things That Can Happen in the Immediate Aftermath of No-Contact: What It’s Like and How to Prepare

By: Rob

Rob — Tue, 05 Mar 2019 08:02:48 +0000

In reply to karen.

Karen,
Not all narcissists will chase you. Narcissistic traits vary from narcissist to narcissit but overall, the behaviors will be more similar than different but the intensity and abusive nature of the narcissistic traits will could be less intense or even non-existent. Overt narcissists that have plenty of other supply will let you go without a second thought. They see you as inferior and as long as you don’t tell the wrong people the truth then you may never hear from them again. Count your blessings.

Your ex could also be a psychopath with a high degree of narcissism. Sociopaths also can be highly narcissistic but it is very unlikely that they would stay in a relationship that many years. It is also possible that your ex suffered from borderline personality disorder on he lower end of the spectrum.

Whatever the case, if the relationship was toxic to you, it does not matter what issue your ex had, it only matters that you are away from the abuse and you can now heal and move on with your chance to live the rest of your life narcissist free.

By: Kristen Milstead

Kristen Milstead — Fri, 01 Mar 2019 00:16:54 +0000

In reply to Laterras R Whitfield. Hi Laterras: I'm so glad to hear this article was meaningful to you. That heals my heart as well to know it's touched you in this way. I'm also glad to hear that you're working on leaving your relationship. Please take care of yourself. I wish you well in your recovery. -Kristen

By: Laterras R Whitfield

Laterras R Whitfield — Thu, 28 Feb 2019 09:44:02 +0000

Thank you for writing this. Sincerely, thank you. I’m a man who is currently mentally untangling myself from the tentacles of a narcissistic woman. Reading this literally healed a segment of my heart and mind. God used you to aid in my healing. Be blessed.

By: Kim

Kim — Sun, 24 Feb 2019 22:19:37 +0000

It’s encouraging to me to read articles like this. For my entire adult life (approx 10 years) I have felt so totally alone in life despite being married to, who I thought was, the man of my dreams, helping him “try” to raise his son, and having 4 children of my own with my narcissistic husband. I was enlightened on what kind of person a narcissist is by my mother-in-law and I started looking into what she was talking about after we spent a long weekend with her at her home 10 hours away from ours. From what I have gathered by talking to different people in my husband’s family, I have concluded that my father-in-law is the person who taught my husband to be the way that he is. My husband’s stepmom is one of the meanest seeming women you’d ever meet, my husband’s mom is described as “crazy”, and my husband’s sister begged him to come see her disabled baby girl for 2 years and eventually decided to write him off after many, many failed attempts at contacting him. I realize that all of these women are scarred by narcissistic abuse from the men they should be able to trust the most. I think I was able to see this only because the men in my family don’t ever act like these men. My parents never played head games with me, lied about what they were going to do, failed me in any way, or insulted me. My husband relies on me completely from a financial standpoint and he thinks he owns me because I can’t leave. We have 4 kinda under 4 years old (twins). But I have finally had enough. I’m getting prepared to divorce him. For some reason he acts like this isn’t the end and there’s still a future ahead of us even though I promised him it was over. It will take me time to get my ducks in a row, but once he’s out of my life I know I can be happy again. Alone.

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Wed, 20 Feb 2019 01:54:55 +0000

In reply to Kristen Milstead. I would not wish this on anyone. It’s cruel and emotionally paralyzing. With a spouse like him I never needed any enemies. He ran off my mom and two sisters thru soliciting them. He also caused my friends to leave for the same reason. I just wish one of them would have told me. They said they did not want to hurt my feelings, but I suffered years by not knowing what was going on. ?

By: Kristen Milstead

Kristen Milstead — Wed, 20 Feb 2019 01:24:20 +0000

In reply to Cynthia Nifong. Hi Cynthia: I'm so sorry about what you're feeling right now. I can empathize with the pain you're going through. I know you want to reach out to him. I'm proud of you for having survived those years with him. Everything you're feeling is normal and you're not alone. Stay strong! -Kristen

By: Cynthia Nifong

Cynthia Nifong — Tue, 19 Feb 2019 16:34:51 +0000

After 42 years of marriage, and 46 total years with him… I’m now 62 years old and I’m starting a new journey. The loneliness is just about more than I can stand. Daily I battle my flesh for wanting to contact him. I was not only in love with him, I was addicted to him. That’s why I put up with the abuse so long. He had everything I needed, but was giving it away to other women. I’m like a heroin addict going through withdrawal. My brain is struggling to detox his abuse. When I had enough and was leaving, he would throw me scraps of his affection and I would stay thinking this time he will see my value and change. This time he’s old enough to quit what he’s doing. But he would start an argument and then justify his infidelity. So I confronted him and said: I’m too old to start over. If one of these women file a lawsuit we could lose everything we have. So he told me since I could no longer live like this he would take his inheritance he got 1 month earlier and leave. His last month here photos began to show up on his phone and he in return began to send X rated photos back. ? ? GOD help me to get over the only man I’ve known.

By: Kristen Milstead

Kristen Milstead — Wed, 30 Jan 2019 19:30:52 +0000

In reply to Anna. Hi Anna: I can empathize with many of the things you talked about. Thank you for sharing your story. Yes, it is definitely not love. Thank you for reading and taking the time to leave a comment. -Kristen

By: Anna

Anna — Mon, 21 Jan 2019 15:02:27 +0000

In above post: should read “unacceptable”, not “acceptable

By: Anna

Anna — Mon, 21 Jan 2019 15:00:10 +0000

Thanks for the post about 34 years. I had 13.
The end was 28 years ago! I still go on mental excursions of trying to put the pieces together, feeling the old “love” and wondering if I was the crazy one…..we had custody of his daughter, and my daughter so my attachment to the “family” seemed like I had to stay. And I drank, popped pills to tolerate it. After stopping the self-medicating, it still took 6 years to leave. And it puzzles me that he supported my AA recovery because the strong women there enabled me to finally leave for good. He made a few attempts to “get me back” but everytime, he broke his mask and I recognized the true colors as acceptable and that I was worth saving.
Dont see much reference as to how substance abuse can not only keep one stuck, but contributes to the disorientation, denial, confusion and offering oneself up for manipulation and abuse.
I resonate with post about thinking someone would have to die to stop the relationship. Such enmeshment is painful to pull apart….think of the pieces of thread in a fabric being separated out. This is NOT love.