They intentionally hurt people. They are enraged with jelousy at the thought sound or sight of you being happy or at peace. Everything you you stated is exactly what he wanted you to think so a person who has empathy, a conscious or is nurturing will feel sorry and want to save them. It kept me trapped for 30 years. I completely lost myself. I was doing laundry, shopping, cooking, serving and running around like a nervous wreck waiting to get caught doing something wrong. All for someone who made sure he learned everything about me just so he could use his energy to make sure I never had, saw or did anything I loved. I served a 30 year sentence in hell for being compassionate and loving and giving and caring. Now I care about myself. I am #1. I don’t need to save anyone or convince anyone that I am a good person. My gut is my 2nd brain and if it does not feel good or right It is because it is not. I do not need to second guess anything. I finally learned to never under any circumstance react with anger or aggression again. No one will ever have that kind of control over me again to become a person I literally hated and wished I would die. Don’t get involved with anyone until you learn to love who you are and are true to yourself and have found what God’s plan is for you. A couple should be 2 people who encourage and respect and love each other that each person is the best version of their true selves.

It feels good to read all these stories here of people who have experienced the same. And yes, Jade, I, too, was told straight from the beginning “I am a very complicated person. I am extremely needy.” Later, he told me his therapist had diagnosed narcissistic personality traits. “You?” I asked. I couldn’t make sense of it. “Self-absorbed, yes, but narcissistic? No.” It was like he was warning me. At the same time he was also love-bombing. When I didn’t confirm or uncovered a “white lie” of his, he was threatening or accusing me or coming up with such nonchalant answers I started doubting myself. Or he would say things like “person xyz said this about you, too, he also thinks you’re this and that, you need to really work on it”. And triangulating me with other girls. It was such a mind fuck. I was never quite sure who and what exactly I was to him. I didn’t understand what I was getting myself into, I had simply never met a person like him. And yes, I too, thought, maybe if my love is pure enough, he would drop his masks, he would start being the real person I thought he was. It’s been about half a year with barely any contact, I blocked him on all social media, on chats, everywhere. We’re still somewhat tied together through a joint work project, but I have stopped writing anything personal to him. It is sad, I’m sad for him. We talk about narcissists like they are consciously manipulative. I doubt he is acting from consciousness at all. I think he is a very lost, very broken person who has a deep lack of self-love and is constantly, desperately trying to fill this void. I think he sees how he is hurting people, but I think he is so on auto-pilot, he can’t stop doing what he’s doing. When I realised that, I was ready to finally shut the door.

I am thankful for this lesson, it was the most hurtful one but it was one I needed. I am a much stronger person now and I will never let it happen again. I’ve learnt how to have a brilliant life on my own and look after my own emotional needs. When I found this peace, I knew I will not settle for someone who doesn’t appreciate the amazing person I am, therefore I have become the most confident and happy version of me and have realized who the most important people are in my life and will keep them close to my heart if they are good for me.

I know all along I stuck to being the good person I am and that none of it was my fault, it is his own insecurities and issues why he acts this way. So when he would call me weak, I know he was portraying what he thought of himself onto me, and I wasn’t the weak one, and deep down he knew he wasn’t good enough for me and my kind heart.

Now I am the most confident and happy version of myself I am ready for the right man to come along and I know I can spot who they are instead of being fooled by a persona and letting my feelings get in the way. I deserve more and am not stopping until I find it.

Hard but valuable lesson to love yourself and know your self worth. Thank you to the universe for showing me this lesson.

I appreciate reading this article. I have been struggling with a relationship since 2013. I lost my husband in 2011 and was heart broken. I met this man on a dating website. We met and got along well and he immediately attached himself to me. It was a “save the beauty” deal. A Fairytale Romance that we had…and he told me that co sisterly. He said all the right things at the beginning but if I did not do what he suggested he would get angry. Example: I talked to him late one night I was on the couch, he told me to go to bed and not sleep on the couch. I fell asleep and the next day when he asked if I got in bed I told him no…he aggressively hung up on me. That was the beginning. I have been through aweful things, he would call me vile names and has threatened me. When he drank he was a lot worse. I kicked him out several times and I always let him come back. It has been so hard to just not forgive and let him back in, because of loneliness and when he was good he was great! He gave me all the I am sorry’s, it will never happen again. He would come back and destroy things at and in my house. He would blame it on me, it was my fault. When we were not together, he would come to my house when I wasn’t there and leave obvious signs that he had been there. He denies it all. My children didn’t like him and my son had several verbally altercations and there were threats. We have spent 6 months separated at times, but he would do the grand gestures and be very sweet and kind and I would let my guard down and back into my life he came. We have been apart for a month now, and I just received a text wishing me well and saying nice things…because my daughter just got married. I don’t want to do this anymore, I want a life with a nice man that treats me with respect…but the loneliness is horrible and he has made me feel like no one else will want me but him. How do you keep from just not doing this anymore…I am just a weak woman. He says I am a narcissist and makes me feel crazy. Help! Please do not list my name, as I know he reads these kind of articles about narcissism.

Lady X

All i can do is sit here and cry reading this. The realization is gut wrenching, but the knowing Im not completely insane is a relief, but also gut wrenching. God give me the strength and courage to make choices that will set me free and keep me safe both emotionally and physically! I know my purpose on this earth is far more than this!!