Hi. You can just read it as woman gf, wife, instead of husband. Read it as something else maybe instead of wanting people to write it as something else

I’m so glad you took the time to write your experience down. Mine is almost exactly the same and I haven’t seen such a similar experience.

From blocking the phone for two weeks, then unblocking him so he wouldn’t show up at my door. EXACTLY THE SAME!

Outside of the well-known abuse you wrote about e.g. gaslighting, you made another point that has me stuck with his energy some six months later… the sex! The admiration, the adoring me, desiring me, the amazing physical connection. But, like you, I was a plaything, an object.

The only thing that is keeping me really away is that I found out he raped a woman while we were together. I found this out a month or so after I broke it off for the millionth time. He had raped me many times and showed up in my bedroom etc but there’s that self-doubt of ‘did that happen’ they have so well engrained in us.

Even though he committed such a heinous crime I still sexually yearn for him but also want to punch him in the face… even at the same time. Which is absolutely crazy… yet that’s what they do, they bring out the worst in us.

I find it hard to release his grasp (energy) from my life. I’ve never had this with an ex. Usually once it’s over I never look back. I wish I could just shake this off.

I also have fears over my ‘picker’ I’ve recently found out my mum is a narc with BPD so trauma bonds and being treated like shit WAS an acceptable behaviour for me.

I’ve done a lot of work on myself… but will be completely free once his energy is no longer in my sphere.

Anyway some five years after you’ve written your comment, a woman in the world (me) is grateful to have found it.

I hope you have experienced some healthy love/ sex in this time.

2 years later no contact and I’m an empty shell existing day to day.

Wow! Its like we both have been with the same person! Unbelievable… I keep wondering, obviously i am confused if my current boyfriend is a narcissist. But i exoerience the same actions like you have. We are long distance and we met once. After that all hell broke loose, i didnt recognize who is this person i fell in love with… I am so scared and confused to go no contact… But he became so cold and distant i asked many times what is wrong or what happened. All he says its nothing is wrong, he is busy/tired with work and sometimes needs some space and that i look for his mistakes and want to fight all the time… And then he blames me for everything… And then he dissapears for hours or days. No text, no phone call, yet telling me nothing is wrong…. I feel like i am losing my mind….