Category: Narcissist Abuse Tactics

Narcissists ruin holidays and make what should be a joyful time of year into a time of tears and anxiety–and sometimes even fear.  The holidays can be a painful time of year for people who are in relationships with narcissists. It can feel as if no matter how your relationship has been going with them before the holidays even start, they can find a way to use this time of year to cause additional pain. By taking advantage of the cultural norms and expectations surrounding holidays or the disruption to normal routines, they can find creative ways to hurt and...

What is coercive control? Most survivors of narcissistic abuse have probably not heard the term “coercive control,” but they should definitely become familiar with it.  Coercive control is a form of domestic abuse in which the abuser instills feelings of extreme dread and anxiety through psychological manipulation and environmental control.  The narcissistic abuse dictionary defines it as: “Excessive monitoring and covert or overt dominance over one or more areas of a partner’s life, such as finances, career, friendships, clothing choices, hobbies, or other. It usually begins as concern for the partner and is cloaked or hidden in many seemingly loving...

Some of the most destructive things that happen to us in our relationships with narcissists happen in our conversations with them. Their conversational tactics are known as “word salad.” The narcissistic abuse dictionary defines word salad as: “Circular language tactics narcissists use to ensure that conversations with others never have satisfactory resolutions for the other party; can include projection, stonewalling, blameshifting, sympathy ploys, bringing up something the partner did, bringing up unrelated issues, starting the conversation over, and others.” The purpose of word salad is to use our words against us. By using these circular conversational tactics, they manage to...

The Wicked Witch of the West dispatches them to do her evil deeds.  In fact, in the film The Wizard of Oz, the only purpose of flying monkeys is to carry out her commands. They’re so loyal, all she has to do is wave her arms around and demand something and, mindlessly, off they go to make it happen. Has she cast a spell over them?  Are they just as evil as she is?   At least in the film, we never learn. But they dwell with her in darkness and they do whatever she says. Does this sound familiar? The narcissist...

If you’ve ever gone away on a trip with a narcissist, you’re probably familiar with the ways they can end up spoiling the beautiful plans the two of you made together. But why do narcissists often end up ruining vacations? Maybe the narcissist promised to take you on the trip of a lifetime. Or maybe it was your trip originally and the narcissist invited himself or herself along, spinning a tale about how wonderful it would be for the two of you to spend some time together.  Yet what gets sold as a dream can end up turning into a...

Narcissists don’t break up with you. They give indefinite silent treatments because it gives them control. Sometimes they put us in a deep freeze. It is not unheard of for narcissists to reappear after years or decades declaring undying love. They may perhaps engineer a reverse breakup and incite us to leave. Yet it’s never really about breaking up, but a period of separation. They are disengagements that allow narcissists to do certain things in our absence.  It is impossible to ever say for certain that a narcissist will never hoover. This is because hoovering is just what it sounds like....

Some of the things narcissists say can raise eyebrows, and they might come in packages of grand verbal speeches or in bite-sized pieces that seem out of place. Either way, you might recognize that something seems off, but not always know why.  Often what they say has another meaning because they have ulterior motives or they’re attempting to manipulate behind the scenes.  My ex-boyfriend loved to “monologue.” We had our designated spots where this often took place–him standing next to the bed and me sitting on it, leaning against the headboard. I listened to him at length, watching him wave his...