Category: Narcissist Abuse Tactics

I’ve come to believe that the love bombing stage that takes place early in a relationship with a narcissist is the most sinister and dangerous period in the entire relationship. It’s discussed frequently, but usually only in conjunction with the other narcissistic abuse stages in the abuse cycle: idealization-devaluation-discard or sometimes (idealization-devaluation-discard-hoover). It’s often not discussed on its own, because the other stages feel so much more intensely negative that it’s easy to ignore why love bombing is so bad. What is Love Bombing? The narcissistic abuse dictionary defines love bombing as: “A period of intense positive attention from the...

Valentine’s Day is a sensitive and dreaded day for many people, regardless of relationship status.  Single people may dislike it. People in relationships can feel a lot of pressure to “do it right.” And it can definitely bring on negative emotions for those who are going through any type of breakup. Yet Valentine’s Day with a narcissist can be an absolute nightmare.  Narcissists are notorious for ruining big days such as birthdays, anniversaries and other holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas.  But everything about Valentine’s Day is tailor-made for them to wield it as a weapon to inflict maximum pain.  Valentine’s Day can...

Narcissists ruin holidays and make what should be a joyful time of year into a time of tears and anxiety–and sometimes even fear.  The holidays can be a painful time of year for people who are in relationships with narcissists. It can feel as if no matter how your relationship has been going with them before the holidays even start, they can find a way to use this time of year to cause additional pain. By taking advantage of the cultural norms and expectations surrounding holidays or the disruption to normal routines, they can find creative ways to hurt and...

What is coercive control? Most survivors of narcissistic abuse have probably not heard the term “coercive control,” but they should definitely become familiar with it.  Coercive control is a form of domestic abuse in which the abuser instills feelings of extreme dread and anxiety through psychological manipulation and environmental control.  The narcissistic abuse dictionary defines it as: “Excessive monitoring and covert or overt dominance over one or more areas of a partner’s life, such as finances, career, friendships, clothing choices, hobbies, or other. It usually begins as concern for the partner and is cloaked or hidden in many seemingly loving...

Some of the most destructive things that happen to us in our relationships with narcissists happen in our conversations with them. Their conversational tactics are known as “word salad.” The narcissistic abuse dictionary defines word salad as: “Circular language tactics narcissists use to ensure that conversations with others never have satisfactory resolutions for the other party; can include projection, stonewalling, blameshifting, sympathy ploys, bringing up something the partner did, bringing up unrelated issues, starting the conversation over, and others.” The purpose of word salad is to use our words against us. By using these circular conversational tactics, they manage to...

The Wicked Witch of the West dispatches them to do her evil deeds.  In fact, in the film The Wizard of Oz, the only purpose of flying monkeys is to carry out her commands. They’re so loyal, all she has to do is wave her arms around and demand something and, mindlessly, off they go to make it happen. Has she cast a spell over them?  Are they just as evil as she is?   At least in the film, we never learn. But they dwell with her in darkness and they do whatever she says. Does this sound familiar? The narcissist...

If you’ve ever gone away on a trip with a narcissist, you’re probably familiar with the ways they can end up spoiling the beautiful plans the two of you made together. But why do narcissists often end up ruining vacations? Maybe the narcissist promised to take you on the trip of a lifetime. Or maybe it was your trip originally and the narcissist invited himself or herself along, spinning a tale about how wonderful it would be for the two of you to spend some time together.  Yet what gets sold as a dream can end up turning into a...