Living Through and Recovering From a Relationship with a Narcissist

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Can’t Leave, Want to but Just Can’t by Nancy Raetz

My story starts with meeting my narc and his then wife, whom I became close to.

We had similar health problems with congestive heart failure and she had a heart attack and died.

I called him about her memorial service and to see how he was doing. He suggested I come by before to talk and maybe for a drink. He seemed so sad and I knew her kids would be there when I witnessed them at his house after she died. They accused him of causing her death and were enraged that he seemed to be trying to steal her car by hiding it at a friend’s home. His excuse made no sense but I did not believe him, and somehow we became contact companion and I thought we fell in love quickly.

He needed to find a new place to live. I had a huge home I lived in as a caretaker. He was a hoarder and the owner of the property. I asked him to not bring anything to store there and if he agreed he also had to do work. He showed up two weeks later with over two truckloads of stuff that he couldn’t afford to store although he had no rent to pay.

Both the owner and I were upset. Somehow everything was unloaded.

Temporary? Not exactly.

It was nightmare. I knew he was grieving so I let alot slide

About the car. Lightning struck a tree at his friend’s place hit and totalled the car so then he gave it to his deceased ex-wife’s youngest son. She had told me he should have it if she died.

He had tried to tell me she owed him and he supported her for six years and she was homeless when he met her. I started believing what her kids had said when I had to deal with lots of inappropriate female friends. Lying was frequent. Disappearances overnight to his “friends” houses many times then he would reassure me that nothing happened, that I shouldn’t be upset about it, as they double-teamed me, brainwashing me that he never lies and is different than other guys and has mostly women friends.

I was supposed to become his caregiver because be he also had cancer of lymph nodes. However, when I started doing all the housework, etc., he signed a copy a time card for someone else to be paid for several months until I was able to get paid.

Then we had to move and his friend offered us a trailer rent-free if the narc helped the owner build a deck and other things. I had been cleaning the owner’s house for 10$ an hour. I agreed to live there only if I was not required to clean his home which was too disgusting to describe. Unfit for any human but everyone was amazed how much better I made it.

Well once we moved there it seemed although they agreed I didn’t have to, it was clear that I was not only expected to do it but also give up my car so someone could drive the owner shopping once a month. Then it became several days a month.

Unfortunately, I now had nowhere to escape. When I quit, we were dumped off at the closest trailer park. I finally got my disability approved and was able to move out and away from him. I moved across the street and still wanted to end it but somehow I felt I needed his help.

He had been my only friend for many years. I had issues trusting people long before meeting him. He seemed to to tell me everything I wanted to hear, and disputed his need of attention from other women.

He cheated on me a few months ago. He promised me we both should go to anger management and I did but he didn’t. It upset me to the point of suicide and one night I confronted him and so he held me down while he had someone call police to have me arrested for having a knife, which I never threatened him with and I was arrested for the first time in my life.

I spent two horrific days in jail. He swore he only was concerned about my mental health but he didn’t tell that to the police. Also to add to my trauma as he pinned me to the ground he held my wrist and began to punch me in the face with my own fists as he laughed at me because he heard sirens coming for me.

I don’t know how I could have brokent up with him several times but I keep going back. I’m afraid of him and need support but have none.

He has also discredited me with my neighbors since I keep to myself and he tells lies. I heard this from someone and he confirmed but said they misunderstood him.

Nancy’s Bio:

59 yrs old. Been in relationship with a covert narc for 10 yrs. Moved away but stuck on the fence.

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