Hi Flower: How are you? I’m so glad that you’re here and let me know how you’re doing. I’ve been wondering. I did so many things to try to take care of myself. I didn’t always do a very good job at it, but I tried. I spent time with friends who I knew would support me. I talked on the phone to family members I trusted. I went out and started new hobbies socially doing things I was interested in because I was worried that my current friends would tire of hearing of it, so I wanted to be sure that I wouldn’t be more isolated than I already was. I wrote A LOT. Every time during the time periods when he was giving me a silent treatment, I let the part of me that knew it had to end imagine that this was the end and how to start structuring my life without him (without knowing for sure whether or not it actually was)… until the day it was. It sounds like you are really punishing yourself with your emotions. I did the same thing. I felt horribly guilty as well and anxious, almost sick inside. I talked out my feelings with a trusted family member. I also wrote out alternative thoughts that were more empowering. There is not just one way to do things, but whatever will pull you farther away from him mentally and emotionally so that you will start to gain back your own emotional state without his influence is what you should try to start doing more of. I hope some of this is helpful. Keep going! I’m proud of you for getting this far. You will make it. Stay strong! -Kristen

Still learning and getting stronger but feeling guilty because of my behaviour.
I remember you wrote about how you made the narcissist want to leave you because of your behaviour. That you acted out in such a way that he did not want to be with you.

I am behaving the same way but it is so very heartbreaking to do. It seems like he has changed and is very kind and understanding but i keep feeling something is off. I still don’t believe that he really cares for me but he is making it difficult to leave because he is kind.
So i am acting out unreasunable,not flexible, not kind but i am feeling drained and guilty doing this. It feels like i am a narcissist.

How did you distance yourself and took care of yourself during that period? How did you ended it? He is not with me now but i am still missing him like an addict because of the trauma bond and cognitive dissonance.

Greetings,

Flower