Hi Tracy: Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment. I am humbled and honored by your kind words and that you decided to do so. I’m so glad you chose to say something because perhaps it helps you feel less alone (you definitely are not) and maybe it helps others to feel less alone as well. I am so sorry for what you have been through. You are definitely not alone! Please stay strong and keep fighting. ❤ -Kristen

Hi Debi: Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. -Kristen

Tracy

Kristen,
I’m so sad to read what you have been through, but so happy to read that you are on a path to recovery. Jeff is pushing a quicky marriage to a freshly divorced woman. This poor victim is a sexual abuse survivor, recovering addict, and has multiple psychological issues- bi-polar, depression, PTSD, etc. She is being love bombed and gushing about “never been loved like this, never been so complete, so happy”. She is wearing an engagement ring that was not bought with money he earned. I feel sooooo bad for her because I know what’s she in for and she has already been through so much. He’s always gone for successful, educated, strong, happy women. This is a big departure for him. He gets disgusted easily. He told me he once lost interest in a long term woman because her gray hairs were showing.
The years I spent trying to understand what was going on. I was so clueless to the world of narcissism.
He’s not physically violent, I mean I’ve never seen him be physically violent. He is the cruelest, most heartless person I’ve ever known. His Mom is his enabler, she supports him no matter what he does and financially, I have seen her give him tens if thousands of dollars and she is retired and of very limited means. I’ve seen Jeff screaming the f word at her and I’ve seen him be unimaginably cruel to her.
He has a special needs son and Jeff has repeatedly abandoned him, pursuing women. For years and months at a time. ????
I’ve witnessed degrading, profanity laced language directed at his son and watched him keep going even after his son was defeated and devastated.
All those episodes cemented my understanding that no matter how sincere or loving Jeff seemed, I could never expect anything better than what he had previously unleashed on me and what I witnessed him do to his Mother and son, repeatedly.
Yes, the only person you can save is yourself. May God give you strength and help you continue on a path of joy.
Debi

Hello and thank you for sharing your story… I’m sorry to hear about what you are going through. It’s so shocking yet sad how similar many of our stories are. I can relate to many of the things you are going through– “say the word and my bags are pack,” and being with someone else at the same time or within days or hours. Marrying people they barely know who don’t know who they really are. Constant lying. Bait and switch. Yes, I wanted to save him at times… this this is only something I am coming now to recognize, and I will be able to speak more on it another time, but now I realize he was only reflecting back to me what I wanted to hear. Despite the absolutely appalling behavior he subjected me and multiple other women to across three continents– for starters, he put his now wife in the hospital, apparently, (showed no empathy when talking about it) and I ended up very sick and my hair fell out (it’s now growing back), using as an excuse that he himself had been so horribly treated in the past that he could not trust others and that he was being forced into other relationships he did not want, he said to me literally at a different time, “there’s nothing wrong with me.” I am able to think now about the contradiction. “I’ve been devastatingly hurt in the past and therefore I inflict horrifying pain on others” which implies a need to forgive and to save and not abandon on the part of others and “There’s nothing wrong with me.” I realize now this shows a very sinister desire to manipulate to serve his own ends, excuse his own behavior, and shows a lack of true insight. He has no remorse for what he has done. There is no saving him. And besides… no one can save another person. I know this now. I choose to save myself. 🙂 I wish you well on your journey to recovery and I hope that you will choose yourself! Please stay to keep up the conversation and thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. -Kristen

Yes we are! 🙂

Right back at you Kristine! You’ve been instrumental to my being able to verbalize the chaos that twirls around in my head. You don’t know this but I forward the posts that resonate to my psychologist to better explain what I’m feeling.

I
We are in this together!

Right back at you Kristine! You’ve been instrumental to my being able to verbalize the chaos that twirls around in my head. You don’t know this but I forward the posts that resonate to my psychologist to better explain what I’m feeling.

I
We are in this together!

Hi V: Yes, definitely. We need to do our inner work as part of healing. Now that I have answered most of my questions about the relationship itself, I can tell that is where I am going to be headed next in my own healing process. As always, thank you for your insights. -Kristen