Comments on: Why Narcissists Get Away with Evil Deeds

By: ajw

ajw — Mon, 29 Jul 2019 20:04:48 +0000

I think a big problem is that emotional abuse doesn’t leave a mark. There is no indication of how bad it was. Was it a scrape or was it a broken bone. There you can see the severity. In fact the ‘mark’ is how emotionally ‘damaged’ you are, and the more emotionally ‘damaged’, or unhinged, someone is the more society seems to look down on that person. Rather than the opposite. This of course plays into the hands of the rational, calm, collected and ‘sane’ abuser, because they seem to be the ‘normal’ one.
The amount of empathy for someone with a broken bone is also obvious, we have all had bad injuries at one time or another and know how to empathize correctly with someone with a scrape vs something more obviously painful. People haven’t all been emotionally abused, i’m 44 years old and it only just happened to me, and the usual response is for the ignorant (of which I was one) to say something like, ‘you’ll get over it’, ‘its time to move on’, ‘plenty more fish in the sea’, ‘they just weren’t that into you’, while thinking, ‘I had someone treat me badly or broke up with me once and I got over it pretty easily, why is it taking so long or such a big deal’. Friends and family are long bored of listening to you, before you stop needing their support.
Like you said in your movie reference, we all think we are too smart to get involved with these types of people, and thats easy to say without the emotions involved.
I think we all know, or at least I did, that something was wrong almost from the moment we fell in love, but thats the problem, at that point you/we are in love with them, attached to them, and no amount of rationalizing can switch off those feelings. If I looked back at half of my relationship from my couch, in a detached, emotionless way, id be saying, yep, saw that coming, knew that wasn’t going to end well. I remember thinking, ‘I am (insert expletive beginning with f here)’, because I knew that I was in trouble from the moment I fell in love. Up to that point I thought I could control it i.e. I wouldn’t get so emotionally involved as I did. It was almost fun and exciting, dallying with danger. She did pursue me, until she ‘got me’, and then immediately started to lose interest in, and devalue me.
The shear magical promise of love and a relationship with these kinds of people makes it impossible to leave. Its as if I had to find out if it was ‘real’ or bs to the bitter end, no matter what, it was that important. Follow it through to the very end to really find out. Even among all the growing evidence that it wasn’t real, there always seems to be hope, hope that they will realize, that they will change, that they need more time, or more love, or something. There is always more to give, more time to wait. The end never seems to really come, there is no end or closure.
Sometimes circumstances can mask things too. I know that I often blamed our situation for her erratic behavior, its only once those circumstances were removed and the behavior didn’t change that I knew, and even then the lingering emotions create dissonance. But as I said, it was too late by then, the damn feelings of love and attachment meant I was in big emotional trouble and still am, nearly five years later.

By: Josee Noel

Josee Noel — Wed, 08 May 2019 12:30:42 +0000

My mom’s covert, my older siblings are overt. I wish I could get them out of my mind because their behaviour is creepy and their children are contaminated by their mind sets.

By: Kat

Kat — Fri, 12 Apr 2019 03:27:42 +0000

Excellent article. It’s true. I never realized it until this was pointed out to me how I was projecting those default emotions on to my ex. But until you step away and realize all the betrayal and lies do you really see what they are capable of and how you mean nothing to them.
And unless someone has experienced it in an intimate relationship and really been harmed… In that intimate relationship could be a family member or a boss or close coworker or friend who betrays you but until you’ve been played… By a narcissist you cannot understand the insidious Damage they do. And they play the long game… It’s amazing. They have unbelievable patience and stamina to fuck you over. I’ve listen to my boss to describe her brothers activities and he’s a total violent narcissist. But I tell her that and she looks at me blankly. I’m like he’s mentally ill and dangerous. She just thinks he’s a bully but the things she describes are entirely narcissistic control manipulation and abuse of his daughter his granddaughter and everybody else in the family that gets near him.
Anyways I am glad that I’ve learned about this and I have helped at least one person I know walk away from a toxic narcissist and she is very glad that I educated her about this. I also hope to be able to give my narc/psychopath books away soon to a local shelter or recovery center.

Thank you for this excellent article again… You put out very well written and very on target information. I hope you get it published to the world at large… And more people become informed. Thx?