Notes From Kristen

Video Post: How Should We Define Narcissistic Abuse and Why It’s Important

Narcissistic abuse is difficult to describe for many reasons, and yet to the degree I have been able to wrap my head around it in order to define it so far, it has been very instrumental in my recovery process. 

I’ve now gotten stuck in my process to keep defining it and wanted to write about why I’m getting stuck, but I found that even hard to do, so I just decided to make a video about what I wanted to say.

Curious to hear your thoughts about both (1) how important defining it is to you; and (2) your attempts to define it and what you think defining it would look like.


Kristen Milstead

Instagram: fairytaleshadows

4 thoughts on “Video Post: How Should We Define Narcissistic Abuse and Why It’s Important

  1. Kristen, your analysis of the narcissistic manipulationship is spot-on. It is a distortion of reality, and a creation of a false persona, based on what they think you want. I agree that we need some commonly-understood terms and concepts to help us describe and define what we’ve experienced, but I also think that as survivors, the only way we can get there is through complete emotional and physical detachment from that person. Even then, I’m not sure we’ll EVER understand anything about their purposes or their motives. And you’ve hinted at why in your video: it’s simply because we don’t think like them. They are disordered; we are not. If you think back to the discard process, when their charade was over – man! it was over FAST. We instantly had questions about whether they ever loved us, whether they knew they were hurting us, whether it was deliberate … and they had quickly moved on. All of these things point to our utter inability to comprehend what motivates these people. Keep up your work. It’s really great. Cheers! – Hugh

  2. Thanks for your video. There must be a lexicon developed in this area. When I think about IT, or attempt to describe IT to another person or in writing, I sound like a crazy person. My mind fumbles around gathering all of the little pieces trying to put them together into a coherent sequence of events. It’s impossible because narcissistic abuse is not a linear assault. I need the words to be able to describe my experience in a way that makes sense to myself and to others. Thank you and please continue. This would be so beneficial to victims. Cynthia

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